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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » New to magic? » » Skeptical wife syndrome, anyone seen this? (14 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Ed_Millis
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Johnstu, that's very likely -- in my little opinion at least.. She may be seeing your little hobby as stealing time away from her. From my viewpoint - and you are most welcome to disagree with and ignore this - right there you have to examine that possibility to ask if it's true. But only if you value your wife above your cards. It's at least worth opening up the conversation, as long as you're willing to let her be worth more than whatever pride and accomplishment you get from magic.

Again, from my viewpoint after 33 years of marriage.
Ed
johnstu
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Hi Ed,

I may have made it seem as though I have a problem that isn't there. Thankfully, while my wife isn't particularly interested in magic she is not threatened by it, she looks at it as a "my husband the big kid" kind of thing. She knows that I would put down the cards and be with her any time she needs me.

I certainly appreciate your advice and agree with it wholeheartedly, but am pleased not to be in quite the situation that requires it.
Snoogansgt
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My wife wasn't the biggest fan of magic when I began working with it again recently. I had done some magic as a teenager, but kind of moved away from it in my early 20's. I have since got married and now I have a new drive to pick up magic again. At first she was very closed minded to it all as she though magic was very "uncool". After lots and lots of practice and me doing lots of research in the understanding of magic as well as performing it, she began to be more interested. Now she is my go to when I'm working on a new effect or a new move. She provides me with constructive criticism that truly helps me out. I'm very fortunate to have such a wonderful supporting wife. Took a little while for her to warm up to it, but she eventually did.

I wish you the best of luck, and it sounds like this kind of problem is more popular than you think.
Lou Is
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It's pretty accepted in magic that spouses (and close friends) tend to be very bad subjects for a performer to "test" things on. It has a lot to do with the fact they really know you very well and are much less likely to put aside their disbelief. Which is *kind* of important for a magician and for the magic to have maximum effect.
;)
You'll probably find you get a better reaction from workmates, and casual acquaintances. Once you are more confident with the particular effect, THEN try presenting it to those who know you well.
Russo
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I guess I'm Lucky - I met my Wife when she was sick, in a Hospital(we were 16) and I was entertaining the youth ward,( we joke that we met in bed) - Married 3 years later (both Virgin). Shes been my Assistant( she also assisted BlackstoneSR. once) and my partner/ adviser for 59 years(59 years June18)-even taught her a 30 min. routine when we were overbooked. She loved it. Best to all newcomers -- P.S. at 78 don't perform much , though glad to share ideas anytime. Ralph(russo)Rousseau
Snoogansgt
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That's a great story Russo! If only everyone was as lucky as you to meet such a wonderful individual. I too have a great wife, and I'm thrilled to call her mine.
Fozzie41
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My wife isn't too impressed by magic but will let me perform any new tricks to her and give me honest feedback which with me being new to magic is great.

I have showed her a couple where she has actually liked the trick which is a good confidence boost knowing I have done a trick well.

When its passed the wife test I try it one somebody else, which funnily enough is usually her sister who really enjoys magic. She was even impressed when I messed a trick up because I was close lol.
Snoogansgt
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My wife is the best person for me to practice with because she has a very keen eye, and can offer great constructive criticism. This really helps when it comes time to perform for others.
Lou Is
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Quote:
On Jun 3, 2015, Russo wrote:Married 3 years later (both Virgin).


Good to know. Thanks!
magicshowprod
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Unfortunately for me, my wife is one of those people that feels that magic is there to make them look stupid. She told me as a kid she didn't like watching magicians. And when I try to show her something new....right at that magic moment....she gets that look in her eye that says......."I'm not stupid. I know you're doing something sneaky.

I would love for her to enjoy magic as entertainment and not as a personal challenge, but unfortunately, that's not going to be. Now, my 9 year old daughter is a different case. She loves learning the magic and performing. I know that, someday, we will both be performing together as a team. And that will truly be magic! Smile
Don Shock
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Dougini
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It's not to early to get her involved now! Wanna see the potential? Watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81QclWVOL8I

Patricia Duncan just disappeared. She had potential.

Doug
magicshowprod
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I love it! I'll make sure she sees this tonight. Great inspiration....and loved the ending! Smile

Magic is a great way for a young person to express themselves. Our daughter is kind of shy but when she performs magic that little entertainer comes out of her and she just beams. Very cool thing to see.

Thanks for sharing that video. Let's hope Patricia is still out there performing somewhere. If not now, maybe in the future.
Don Shock
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Dougini
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Here is Patricia Duncan at the IBM Convention 2007:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niw2LZ-xBo4

Don, I hope you encourage her! She needs a female mentor. There are plenty here! Smile

Doug
Doug Trouten
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I got my wife hooked on football by sharing personal stories about the players (from feature articles on the sports page). Once she "knew" a player, she was interested in seeing them play. Maybe a similar approach could work with your wife and personal stories about people in the world of magic.

You might look for videos of performances with a lot of emotional punch. Two that spring to mind are Tina Lennard's "Maid in Heaven" routine, and the recreation of the "Blue Room" illusion (also featuring Tina). Both are on YouTube, and you don't have to like magic to like these performances. Maybe they can serve as a gateway drug!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bokFurvLNwU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCQiocETD9c
It's still magic even if you know how it's done.
Terry Pratchett
magicshowprod
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That's an excellent idea. It just so happens I watched both of those videos the other day and was very moved by them. Looks like the wife and I have a Youtube date tonight Smile

Thanks everyone for the good ideas and strategies Smile
Don Shock
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Doug Trouten
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One more thought. It may be that your wife has some hobby she really enjoys that you find pointless. You could always pretend to be interested in that, in exchange for her pretending to be interested in magic. Maybe pretending to share interests is the basis of a happy marriage!
It's still magic even if you know how it's done.
Terry Pratchett
magicshowprod
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Make-believe will keep us together Smile
Don Shock
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BeachCat
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Interesting subject men. So, here's a woman's point of view and keep in mind, every woman is different!
My mother was not fond of my Dad's hobby and all of his magic "shenanigans" because there's a lot of alone time working on sleights etc not to mention going to the local magic store (Hollywood Magic at that time) to hang out with the guys. She felt that he'd rather being doing that than to be with her.
Personally, I think it's healthy to have outside interests but you gotta make your significant other feel that they are always number one. (Even if you'd rather be at the local magic ring meeting!)
if you're going to work on your sleights, effects etc, pick a time that you know it won't take away time from your spouse. It's also important to encourage her to have her "girl" time with her friends. Some spouses
get jealous because if they don't have their own circle of friends. Every situation is unique but just always make her feel special and if your relationship is a healthy one, she'll do the same.
magicshowprod
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Or just remind them you could always be at the bar instead Smile Smile
Don Shock
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Simon Layland
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Or Just Trade her in.
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » New to magic? » » Skeptical wife syndrome, anyone seen this? (14 Likes)
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