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Passenger New user 1 Post |
I love the old doctor jokes. Here is a list of my favourites. You've heard most of them before but there might be some new ones.
I went to the doctors the other day... I had a piece of carrot in one ear, a piece of cucumber in the other ear and a meat pie on my head. He said "first things first, you're not eating properly." I went to the doctors the other day... I said "I have a strawberry growing out of my arse." He said "I'll give you some cream for that." I went to the doctors the other day... A man walks in and he's naked and wrapped in cling film. The doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts." I went to the doctors the other day... I said "Everytime I sneeze I have an orgasm." He said "what are you taking for it?" I said "pepper." I went to the doctors the other day... I said "doctor, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home." He said "it sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." I said "it is serious?" He said "it's not unusual." I went to the doctors the other day... A man walks in and he has a steering wheel attached to the front of his trousers. He says "Doctor please help. This is driving me nuts." I went to the doctors the other day... The doctor said "you have to stop masterbating" I said "why" He said "I'm trying to give you a check up." |
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Paul Cummings New user Sydney, Australia 5 Posts |
Doctor, Doctor, no one listens to me!
Next!!! |
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jakeg Inner circle 1741 Posts |
You have to help me doctor. I haven't urinated in 2 days.
How old are you? 75 You peed enough |
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jakeg Inner circle 1741 Posts |
2 doctors talking
I just got a new patient, and is he sick For one thing, he's got aides, for another, he has sypholis That's terrible. How are you treating him? With flounders and pancakes Flounders and pancakes? Yeah, it's the only thing I could find to slip under the door. |
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Sealegs Inner circle The UK, Portsmouth 2596 Posts |
Jake... As this is a forum about comedy your joke provides a good subject for how something that is meant to be funny can be inadvertently made unfunny. So forgive me if I use it to talk a bit about an aspect of comedy that is missing from your joke and makes it miss the mark.
For a joke about the real world to be funny it (usually) needs to be based on people's understanding of how the world is. It's peoples understanding of how the world is that sets them up for the left turn the punchline (usually) makes. I'm pretty sure that in the 21st century it's widely known believed and accepted (at least in the developed Western world) that neither aids nor syphilis are contagious from casual contact. Your joke is based on the opposite being true which I contend is not in any way generally considered to be the case. As a consequence your joke fails. It fails because there's no need for the doctor to keep the door between himself and the patient and so the premise on which the punchline of the joke is based is flawed. Your joke is not based on a real world understanding of how the world is but it is set in the real world. Had you chosen Ebola as the set up it had a chance at being funny. This is a widely known disease, has a high profile and is known to have symptoms that make it highly contagious and so would fit with the joke's set up. Unlike your joke it at least has the potential to be funny. (whether it's in good taste is of course going to be dependent on the sensibilities of the performer and audience but that is the case with nearly all comedy) I suspect that you equated the set up of aids and syphilis to have an association with sex and that the inclusion or suggestion of sex in the set up might somehow automatically help make the joke funny. In fact it undermined it completely. I realise that you probably just joined in and threw a 'joke' into the mix and weren't expected or wanting a critique of your comedic structure but because this is a forum about comedy magic I think it's worth noting that this is the exact kind of thing that magicians often do to 'make their act funny' and consequently was worth commenting on in this forum.
Neal Austin
"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules." G.B. Shaw |
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Father Photius Grammar Host El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo) 17161 Posts |
Man walks into the doctor's office and says, "Hey , Doc, if I fall into an open manhole, how much would you charge me for treatment?
The doctor answers, "Just a cover charge."
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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Bob Sanders Grammar Supervisor Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama 20504 Posts |
How does a doctor handle criticism? With a tongue depressor.
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "I think I'm going crazy. I believe I'm becoming a moth. What can I do?" The doctor says, "It's not my field. I'm a dentist. Why did you come into my office?" The man says, "Oh, your light was on."
Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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Mike Maturen Inner circle Michigan's Beautiful Sunrise Side 2726 Posts |
Quote:
On Oct 21, 2015, Sealegs wrote: Sealegs: Let me provide a bit of a counterpoint for you. I agree, by the way, with what you said. However, MANY people do still, indeed believe that these diseases can be easily transmitted by casual contact. This mistaken perception does provide some fodder for these jokes. On another note, however, I would be hesitant to tell ANY jokes that "make funny" a disease like AIDS, cancer, etc. These diseases have affected many people's lives, and always with devastating results. While humor is often offensive, we have to keep in mind that we are entertainers. I would not risk causing further pain to those who have been affected by these diseases. Likewise, I would never use the term "boy, that was retarded" for the same reasons. Just my two cents worth...which, with today's economy is only worth 1.3 cents.
Mike Maturen
World of Wonder Entertainment The Magic and Mayhem of Mike Maturen 989-335-1661 mikematuren@gmail.com AUTHOR OF "A NEW DAWN--Weekly Wisdom From Everyday Life" member: International Magician's Society |
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Sealegs Inner circle The UK, Portsmouth 2596 Posts |
Mike, mistaken perceptions might indeed provide a basis for a joke that some will think makes sense but if it makes the joke funnier to use an accurate alternative and it also makes sense to everyone it seems a better choice to go with the funnier joke that everyone will understand.
Regarding your comments about what might be offensive or otherwise , I'll simply quote my own post and say again, "whether it's in good taste is of course going to be dependent on the sensibilities of the performer and audience but that is the case with nearly all comedy".
Neal Austin
"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules." G.B. Shaw |
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Mike Maturen Inner circle Michigan's Beautiful Sunrise Side 2726 Posts |
Agreed.
Mike Maturen
World of Wonder Entertainment The Magic and Mayhem of Mike Maturen 989-335-1661 mikematuren@gmail.com AUTHOR OF "A NEW DAWN--Weekly Wisdom From Everyday Life" member: International Magician's Society |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
Phone: Doctor, my wife's contractions are only two minutes apart.'
'Is this her first child?' the doctor queries. 'No, you idiot.' 'This is her husband.'...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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jay leslie V.I.P. Southern California 9498 Posts |
My doctor asked me to go to the window and stick my tongue out.
I ask why He said he didn't like the doctor directly ask cross from I him.
Jay Leslie
www.TheHouseOfEnchantment.com |
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Larry Barnowsky Inner circle Cooperstown, NY where bats are made from 4770 Posts |
Patient goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I got this problem. Every morning at 7AM I have a giant bowel movement." Doctor says, "What's wrong with being so regular? You should be so happy."
"Yeah, that would be great except I don't get out of bed until 8AM!!! |
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Steve Haynes Inner circle Southeastern United States 1119 Posts |
Woman says to her pharmacist,I need something that will kill my husmand.
Pharmacist says,I CANT'T DO THAT! So she shows him a picure of her husband in bed with his wife. Pharmacist, says,well..I didn't know you had a prescription! |
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joseph Eternal Order Please ignore my 17407 Posts |
Don't make your doctor your heir. ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Dynamike Eternal Order FullTimer 24148 Posts |
Patient: "I'm sick."
Doctor: "What are you sick of?" Patient : "Posting constantly on the Café." |
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jay leslie V.I.P. Southern California 9498 Posts |
Quote:
On Dec 3, 2015, Dynamike wrote: Would that be a mental condition?
Jay Leslie
www.TheHouseOfEnchantment.com |
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Dynamike Eternal Order FullTimer 24148 Posts |
I will ask my patient at our next appointment.
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Mark Boody Illusionist Inner circle 1366 Posts |
A man goes to see his doctor and says "Doc, some mornings a wake up and feel like a teepee and other mornings I wake up and feel like a wigwam!
"Well" the doctor says. "It's obvious you're too tense!" (two tents) Mark
Only he who can see the invisible can do the impossible. Frank L. Gaines
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