Does anyone want to share some funny comebacks for people in different professions?

I can never remember any of mine I ask a fair bit and usually ad-lib them.

I've never been able to come up with a good one for a Quantity surveyor

Quantity surveyor = how many questioners were filled out?

Ha, well that will probably make the QS chuckle. I think I usually ramble on about how nobody can explain what a Quantity Surveyor does. Then I ask them what they do and they usually go "uuuuuh" and I go "see!"

Mailman/door-to-door salesman/chugger- Well at least it keeps you off the streets
Lawyer/policeman- What's your favourite crime?
Telesales-Relax, forget about all your hang ups.
Civil Servant- Ah, a professional facebooker.

Comedian - "Everybody laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now."

tip o the hat to Bob Monkhouse