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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » I'm pathetic (11 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

D_avid
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I couldn't think of a better place to post this, so feel free to let me know or relocate the post... or just delete it.

I was born with cerebral palsy and scoliosis. I went through years of physical training with my therapist who taught me magic as a way to work my muscles. Thus, my love of magic was born. This was going great until I had my first stroke at age 11. I recovered, but discovered I developed a rather odd coping mechanism - I ran and cut everyone off. When I was getting frustrated with therapy, I ran. I wish it stopped with therapy, but no...life couldn't be simple.

Recently I had some family tragedies, as most have, and before I knew it I had stopped talking with most of my friends and...well hid. It's nothing I am proud of, but it's a vicious circle I don't know how to stop. If I am to be honest with myself, it's not that I am ashamed or want to be alone; it's that I feel I am protecting others from my ill conceived pain that is confined to my head.

I'm not looking for sympathy, it's part of who I am. I am posting because I know in the course of my burning bridges I have left at least two stranded, scratching their heads, wondering what the heck is going on. I haven't left in the debt of owing anything, other than apologies and an explanation.

With a family member dementia only getting worst I feel I may be taking another break, so if you want to post bashing or snide comments, now is the time to do it. Besides, I doubt there is nothing that can be said that I haven't already told myself.
Mary Mowder
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Writer,

I'm sorry you are in pain. I've found that email is a good way to write out what you want and send it without being interrupted and it gives the other end a chance to do the same thing.

A simple note saying you are sorry you've been out of touch and that it was nothing they did, you are just going through some stuff might alleviate your guilt or re-open your communications.

As a middle aged person, I can tell you that your circle of old friends gets smaller. Friends fall out of contact, die or change into someone you don't know anymore. It takes curation to keep in contact. This is a challenge to everyone. I thank goodness for some of my emotionally brave friends who have made the first move at times.

Dementia is a b****. Please do stay in contact with that person. Helping someone through this time is rough but it will help you as well. If getting out is a problem, calling will be helpful for a while. You can send photos through the mail with short captions that a caretaker could read after that.

I can't promise you'll get no snide comments. Recent happenings have proven that I have no idea what prompts the actions or thoughts of others here on the Café and throughout the country. For my part, I feel for you and I hope you look out a window, find a way to perform a little Magic and get a good long belly laugh soon. Sometimes listening to music you loved as a young teen will help (this will also be a good activity to share with the person who is having dementia). Music can instantly transport you.

Best of luck Writer. What made you choose that name, are you a writer?

-Mary Mowder
stoneunhinged
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Writer, what's your name?

The thing is, this is a wonderful place that has become a resource to literally thousands of people, and what makes it wonderful is that each of us can give something. You don't have to be David Copperfield. You can just be you. Cerebral palsy and scoliosis don't count against you here. Here you are free.

Bashing? Snideness? Yeah...I suppose those things occur. Sorry about that. But you know what? Whoever you are is cool and OK (unless you're a serial killer or something, but that's another subject), and we're all here to talk about a hobby. Nobody here is better than you as a human being. So if anyone bashes or snides, well...that's their problem.

Stick around and relax and breathe in the good stuff, and exhale the bad stuff.

My name is Jeff.
jacobsw
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London
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Writer, if I understand correctly, it sounds like you've had physical therapy as a child, but I just want to encourage you to give psychological therapy a try as well.

You mentioned that you have pain that you don't feel comfortable unloading on friends. A therapist would be the perfect person to talk to about it.

Unfortunately, our society puts a stigma on seeking psychological help. I've never understood why. Seeking therapy just means you recognize your thought processes aren't serving you as well as they might, and so you are taking the positive step of getting expert advice from somebody who has helped other people in the same situation.

Good luck! I hope you know that at least one random stranger on the Internet is rooting for you!

With best wishes,
Jacob
Piers
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Quote:
On Mar 29, 2017, Writer wrote:
I couldn't think of a better place to post this, so feel free to let me know or relocate the post... or just delete it.

I was born with cerebral palsy and scoliosis. I went through years of physical training with my therapist who taught me magic as a way to work my muscles. Thus, my love of magic was born. This was going great until I had my first stroke at age 11. I recovered, but discovered I developed a rather odd coping mechanism - I ran and cut everyone off. When I was getting frustrated with therapy, I ran. I wish it stopped with therapy, but no...life couldn't be simple.

Recently I had some family tragedies, as most have, and before I knew it I had stopped talking with most of my friends and...well hid. It's nothing I am proud of, but it's a vicious circle I don't know how to stop. If I am to be honest with myself, it's not that I am ashamed or want to be alone; it's that I feel I am protecting others from my ill conceived pain that is confined to my head.

I'm not looking for sympathy, it's part of who I am. I am posting because I know in the course of my burning bridges I have left at least two stranded, scratching their heads, wondering what the heck is going on. I haven't left in the debt of owing anything, other than apologies and an explanation.

With a family member dementia only getting worst I feel I may be taking another break, so if you want to post bashing or snide comments, now is the time to do it. Besides, I doubt there is nothing that can be said that I haven't already told myself.


How have things been since you posted here?
Wishing you well.
Piers UK
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Magic_son
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193 Posts

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Writer,
I wish you well also! Wonderful words are written above by Mary, stoneunhinged, and everyone else! I hope your doing better.
markjens
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N. CA
213 Posts

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Writer, I note that you've not replied to any of the above responses, so perhaps you are taking that break you'd mentioned. I wanted to let you know that you are not hiding to spare anyone anything, your depression is making you chase away anyone who wishes to help you. While in the service I was injured and wound up with entirely too many surgeries, several surgical staph infections and a life sentence of chronic pain. Having a devoted wife and three sons, I was able to hide for a while (longer than you'd think) but they waited for me and I finally got some therapy. I found out that I'd been chemically depressed since childhood , and my own circumstances (loss of my health, career, a grandson and my father within six months.) All of this added on situational depression to an already bad payche left me in poor shape to cope. I went to a,therapist for a while, found the right antidepressant and my life is better than I had any right to expect. Don't give up on yourself Writer! There is help available, but you just need to use that little bit of courage that you've stored up for a rainy day. Well, it is raining somewhere, now help yourself. We are here and supportive, and probably so are all those people you think you've 'chased away.'
LesPaltaX
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Wow, so many helpful posts! I'm impressed with the community...

If you want someone to talk with, you can PM me. I sometimes do something similar.

Best wishes.

Daniel.
magicalaurie
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You are not pathetic. You are human.

This is actually very common and I would like to see more men realize it.

Shutting down on someone doesn't protect them, quite the opposite, generally, if they are left on their own in the dark to interpret the non-responsiveness. Being left to guess whether they matter to you is distressing to those who are shut out. And it's counterproductive for the stonewaller, too:

"I have heard some version of this message a thousand times and seen, the silent partner, caught between the risk of opening up and the risk of shutting a loved one out, close down and choose lonely isolation. They think they are deciding for protection but in fact, they are stepping into a prison of their own making."

Shutting down is often a self-protective measure, and taking a time out to relieve stress from overwhelm is understandable. If you let those who love you know that's what you're doing, I think you'll find them far more understanding and supportive than you might expect.

http://www.drsuejohnson.com/relationships/say-something/

You have a choice between fear and love. We all do.
magicalaurie
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