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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » How to know when your too old to perform (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

themagicofjoseph
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You know your too old to do magic when............
Fill in the blank and have a ball, let's see, kinda like... You might be a redneck if.......

.....You use your "depends" for body loads
landmark
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Whaddidya say?

Jack Shalom
Larry Barnowsky
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Cooperstown, NY where bats are made from
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Here's 5 off the top of my head:
On the cruise you "memorized the deck" so you could get back to your stateroom after the show.
You trigger the remote for your rising cards and your pacemaker stops.
You have more thumbtips than teeth.
Your closing effect is the marked card in the festering wound. (I was going to say colostomy bag but that was too gross)
You perform Houdin's Suspension with a crutch and an IV pole.
El_Lamo
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Canada
589 Posts

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I tried coming up with a few...



You know you’re too old when…

… you can’t do your underwater escape anymore because of the absorbent nature of the assistive pads in your underwear.

… the genealogy tree for your rabbits or doves takes up an entire library wing.

… you realize that the metal in your linking rings is worth more then your old-age pension.

… you remember when your mismade bill was papyrus.

… whenever you try to do a spoon bend, your bifocals curl first.

… your cloak is older than the parents of your oldest audience member.

… you discover the words, "whippersnapper," and "by cracky" creeping into your patter.

… you remember when Corinda had only 7 steps.

… you remember when Dei Vernon had only fooled Houdini twice.

… you no longer use mouth coils because the inks stain your dentures.

… you can’t remember if it is circle square or vice versa.

… your magician’s insurance policy comes with a calendar… one month at a time.
Life is a system of circumstance presented coincidently in an illusory way.
Cabrera
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Seattle
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You know your too old to do magic when............

while you're performing at a nursing home, the nurse tells you it's time for your medication....
"The quilt of life is woven with many different threads"
ANTHONYSUSNICK
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....People brag about your new "disappearing torso" illusion but you realize it is because you are wearing your pants up to your shoulders.

...magic table now has special colostomy bag holder.

...You think the tape really says banana.

...You perform the airborne maalox bottle.

...You mention in your magic shows how your kids never call.

...cut and restored rope accidentally performed on catheter line.

...when ran out of metamucil - used slush powder.

...20th century depends
Cabrera
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Seattle
513 Posts

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you go from cups and balls to: bed pan and balls

instead of producing a wine bottle : you produce a bottle of Geritol

you eat the vanishing Banana for potassium

your assistant on stage is a walker

you're doing a stage show and wonder why all those people are looking at you

The Magic Café has 1,000,000,000 plus members!
"The quilt of life is woven with many different threads"
-The Scot-
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You clean the drool running down your face with the silk you just produced from your TT

When your 'raven' interferes with your pacemaker!
Andini
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Columbus, OH
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...when you find yourself looking for a thumbtip with wrinkles in it.

...when you start needing that appearing cane.

...when you can call Harry Lorrayne "a nice young man."

...when you keep forgetting to feed the rabbit.
Bill Palmer
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When your breakaway wand won't stay up.
"The Swatter"

Founder of CODBAMMC

My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups."

www.cupsandballsmuseum.com
jlibby
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... the nurse standing at the side of the stage isn't atmosphere for the buzz saw illusion.

... you're performing Phantasm Supreme and patter about "these up and coming kids that are really going to make it big someday."

... your Medicare card keeps appearing in the zipper pocket of your wallet.

... you don't perform any tricks at birthday parties. You just tell the kids how far you had to walk everyday to see magic when YOU were a kid, not like today when they can just turn on the TV set.

... "Who the heck put the dadburn rabbit in my hat?!!"

A joyous Easter to all my friends!
Joe L.
Ugly $5 Report is GOLD!

Grab your copy now:
https://makequickcashonlinenow.co.business
themagicofjoseph
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Your adult diapers give a new meaning to body load.
Peter Marucci
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You know you're too old to do magic when . . .

. . . you stop moving!
Popo
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Valparaiso, IN
219 Posts

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You dust off the old "mis-made" flag and it has thirteen stars.

You no longer wear a tuxedo because the audiences keep coming up to you and pay their last respects.
jlibby
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... you wonder what all those duplicates are doing in your Svengali Deck.

... your reason for using Jumbo playing cards isn't so the audience can see the values.

... your first testimonial letter thanking you for entertaining the troops is signed by Lincoln.

See ya!
Joe L.
Ugly $5 Report is GOLD!

Grab your copy now:
https://makequickcashonlinenow.co.business
Eric Woods
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Kansas City
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You know your too old to do magic when............

...depends?

...what was the question??

...your favorite effect is card between wrinkles on forhead.
Reg Rozee
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Vancouver, Canada
592 Posts

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  • You know you aren't supposed to do the same trick twice, but you keep forgetting what the last one you did was
  • Your "sexy young assistant" wants show tickets for her grandchildren's families
  • You posed for the pictures in Scott's "Discoverie of Witchcraft"
  • You do a "torn and restored donor card" effect
  • Sponge balls are just too hard to squeeze anymore
  • You think "floating lightbulb" is a rip-off of your "floating oil lantern" effect
  • Your coins keep getting appropriated by the "Department of Antiquities"
  • You've done so many "coin fly" and "ring flight" effects you get frequent flyer miles for them
  • The first time you performed a "sawing" illusion you had to hide from the Spanish Inquisition for a year
  • There's a "poster" for your first show carved into the wall of a pyramid in Egypt
  • Your current bunny is named "Flopsy #147"
  • You love to perform "16th Century Silks"
  • The Vatican won't give back your first mentalism book because "the world isn't ready for it yet"
  • Your beard keeps getting caught in your linking rings
  • You once performed "The Mummy Mystery" with a real mummy, and went out for drinks with her after the show
  • You keep mistaking your "Foo Can" for a chamber pot
  • You've already forgotten what the first item in this list was


-Reg {*}
Reality is what doesn't go away when you stop believing in it. -Phillip K. Dick



Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? -Chico Marx
JJDrew
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Arizona
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You miss the mouth coil and pull out your false teeth.

You obtained your twenty centavo and british copper penny coins from the currency exchange booth when you visited their respective countries of origin.

The copyright on the book you published has run out and it is now in the public domain.

Your patter for the sponge bunnies revolves around your children and the resulting grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Who needs a hooked coin to make a quarter stay on your arm? Just wedge it between the wrinkles and ...

You remember when cigarette magic was politically correct.

Your short-term memory is so shot that you yourself are genuinily surprised every time a load makes its appearance.

YOU are the "old magician who passed this secret/prop/story on to me" that so many magicians mention in their routine.

Your first flint flasher had no flint. Its mechanism involved two sticks...

In your first mentalism routine where you predicted the serial number on a one-dollar bill, you had a one-in-ten chance of getting it right by guessing.

The lota bowl reminds you disturbingly of your bladder.
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