There was a great thread recently where everyone threw out one-liners and gags for the guillotine. I'm hoping we can do something similar for the straitjacket escape.

Here are a few to get you started:

- As the volunteer straps the back straps, tell them "as you make your way to the bottom, you will find an extra buckle pointing straight down." (pause and look down at the strap in front that fastens under the crotch. look back up at the audience) "IGNORE IT."

- After the crotch strap is hooked up, speak in a falsetto for a few words.

- As soon as you're strapped in, say "Thank you very much! You've been a great crowd!" and start to run off stage.

- Before you attempt to escape, tell the audience, "I'm going to attempt to break my previous record of 28 minutes."

Your ideas???

Avi

I cringe when I know the falsetto joke is coming. I do agree that there needs to be new approaches and lines, however, I doubt that anyone would share their own unique ones with the class.

So, maybe some will share the old tired ones they don't use any more. They may be new to us!

I remember seeing 'Magic Brian' do his escape with a few jokes I can remember. I only remember about two, the didn't impress me alot, but they were okay. A little thoughtless

1) Oh my god, it smells so bad in here!

2) (as head comes free) Ladies and Gentlemen, the mirracle of birth!

I use this:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Harry Houdini's average time for escaping from the straitjacket was 11 minutes and 57 seconds. I hope to take at least 10 minutes off that time for two reasons:

One, is that there is not a single person in here who will sit still for twelve minutes while some turkey tries to escape from a straitjacket.

And I had seven cups of coffee right before I started the show.

And now, I will escape to the theme song of the American Chiropractic Association -- 'Twist and Shout.' "

And the sound man starts the music.

An OLD and oft overused joke before putting it on pretend to read a tag on the inside and state This tag says, "may contain nuts."

X

Don't forget the old 'does this make me look fat?'

I have to poo

Christopher, I agree. I cringe when falsetto is coming. I also agree that I can't post my original jokes that I still use or else they won't seem so original.

A gag I threw out that could be useful to someone else is...

I used to use a stop watch to time the escape. I would have a lady on the front row stand up as I explained how to operate it. I tell her "what ever you do, don't push this button" (funkenring goes off). Now I don't time my escape. Feel free to use if you can find a funkenring that works more than twice before breaking.

"My father bought me my first strait-jacket when I turned 16, hadn't had a date yet, and he caught me arranging flowers one day..."

"I decided to try escaping from jackets because I enjoy being wrapped up in my work."

"Some people think you have to be double-jointed to get out of one of these. I find I'm relaxed enough to do it after only smoking one..."

Turn to the volunteer after they finish strapping you in. "Was that fun?" Then in a flirting way, "You know, I have another one at home hanging from bungee cords in the bedroom..."

"I learned how to do this on what I like to call my last free government training program... I considered it more of a 'work-release' program, but they didn't see it that way..."

Arrange for a cell phone in your pocket to ring while you are strapped up. Make suitable exasperated expressions, and go through a lot of contortions to apparently answer it. Yell down at your pocket, "MOM? I CAN'T TALK NOW, I'M SORT OF TIED UP, OK? WHAT? OH, WELL REMEMBER THAT THING I PROMISED NEVER TO DO IN PUBLIC AGAIN? YEAH, WELL NOT THAT. OK, BYE..." More contortions to hang up...

"Doesn't being in a strait-jacket just take you back to those good old days at church camp? That, and the smell of tequila..."

"Another skill you pick up while learning how to escape from one of these is how to dial 9-1-1 with your nose..."

"Any similarity between what you are about to see and a salmon spawning is completely intentional, so DON'T BOTHER POINTING IT OUT, OK?"

Wow!

There are some good lines here!

Especially those from Reg Rozee!

I too am from the camp where I don't want to list my current jokes until I don't use them any more, but this is one that worked everytime.


As you finally get out and you throw down the straight Jacket you look at the audience and say, "And that's how I got here tonight!!!"

Does my bum look big in this?

Paula

One I use while I am being fastend in the straight jacket.


Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away ...

"We're down here ."

Paula

Paulajayne, I love the "bum look big" line. That's funny.

Will

If It was me I'd say that I picked up the jacket from the local nut house. you then have more scope for all the gags about a mental home and the occupants If you starting by saying "while I was there" then do some nut house gags. i.e. While I was waiting I said to the guard "Is that clock right? he said "yes" so I said well what's it doing in here then?"

Or While I was in reception someone phoned and said "Is there anyone in room 12?" the receptionist said "hang on I'll check" he came back and said "No it's empty" the voice at the other end said "Oh good I've escaped."