The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Witty answers to annoying comments (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page 1~2 [Next]
avimagic
View Profile
Loyal user
Hollywood, Florida
233 Posts

Profile of avimagic
Don't worry - This is NOT another thread on a million answers to "How'd you do that?" nor is it another discussion on what, if anything, to say to hecklers.

I want to talk about annoying things people say to magicians, not usually during the show. Often, the person saying it seems to wholeheartedly believe two things: (1) It's the funniest comment ever; (2) He/she is the first one to ever say it.

Like when you're putting your stuff away after your act, and someone says "If you were really a magician, you'd just wave your magic wand and it would all go away."

Or when you tell a man you're a magician and he says "Can you make my wife disappear?"

When I was 17, I was unloading my car at a party, getting ready to do a show. It was the eighties, and I had one of those yellow "magician on board" signs hanging in the window. A somewhat large, not very pretty woman was walking by, and saw the sign and my magic wand sticking out of the box I was carrying. She said, "You're a magician? Make me thin and beautiful."

I took the magic wand, started to wave it, and hesitated.

"Damn," I said, "Someone seems to have gotten to you already."

She smiled and asked me for my card. I performed at her parents' anniversary party a few weeks later.

Avi
olivertwist
View Profile
Special user
Nashua, NH
578 Posts

Profile of olivertwist
Avi,
That was a great response. Quick thinking!

Oliver
MichaelKent
View Profile
Special user
559 Posts

Profile of MichaelKent
As far as the "make my wife disappear" comment, I usually remark "uh, I don't think my liability insurance would cover that."
Rob Johnston
View Profile
Inner circle
Utah
2060 Posts

Profile of Rob Johnston
The best thing one can do, is be kind. As we see, it paid off for Avi.

You need to be quick witted, but also kind.
"Genius is another word for magic, and the whole point of magic is that it is inexplicable." - Margot Fonteyn
Joe Mansfield
View Profile
Loyal user
226 Posts

Profile of Joe Mansfield
Quick thinking, avi!!
I would have been trampled...being a fan of Al Bundy!!!!
The Village Idiots
View Profile
Elite user
Orlando
464 Posts

Profile of The Village Idiots
Working on cruise ships we have heard the largest number of back handed comments I could have imagined.

People see our show and the next day see us walking around open deck or in the elevator. They are surprised and feel like they have to say something so they open their mouth and the darndest things come out.

"My kids really enjoyed your show" or "I don't care what anyone else thought, I really liked your show"

Now these things aren't meant to be unkind. I don't take them personal but it's easy considering we get standin o's from 1000 people a show.

So I look at them and say "Wow, that is the nicest compliment I have ever heard" I say in with complete sincerity, shake their hand and walk away.

Not funny to them but in my head I am rolling and they think I was a complete gentleman. If they only knew.

http://www.thevillageidiots.net
Some are born idiots.

Some are made idiots.

Some have idiocy thrust upon them.
Bill Palmer
View Profile
Eternal Order
Only Jonathan Townsend has more than
24279 Posts

Profile of Bill Palmer
When people say things like "If you were a real magician, you could just wave your wand, and all of this stuff would just float over to your car all by itself," I usually answer, "I can do that, but it takes so much out of me. Besides, its so show-offish and nobody ever applauds." or "If I could do that, do you think I would be outside in 105 degree weather, wearing this wizard's robe?"

Regarding "Can you make my wife disappear?" I usually say, "SHHH! Nobody is supposed to know about us!"
"The Swatter"

Founder of CODBAMMC

My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups."

www.cupsandballsmuseum.com
avimagic
View Profile
Loyal user
Hollywood, Florida
233 Posts

Profile of avimagic
Quote:
Regarding "Can you make my wife disappear?" I usually say, "SHHH! Nobody is supposed to know about us!"


LOL!!!!!
Marc Levine
View Profile
Regular user
South Florida
125 Posts

Profile of Marc Levine
I use a this response... Its cute and sounds impromptu... Spectator: "Can you make my wife dissapear"? Magician: "If I could do that, I wouldnt be doing card tricks" ...I believe I originally heard Mac King use this line, so I tried it out, and it seems to get laughs every time.
Stanyon
View Profile
Inner circle
Landrum, S.C. by way of Chicago
3412 Posts

Profile of Stanyon
If someone comes up to me and asks me to make them disappear my normal comeback is "Here, pull my finger!"

Cheers! Smile
Stanyon

aka Steve Taylor

"Every move a move!"

"If you've enjoyed my performance half as much as I've enjoyed performing for you, then you've enjoyed it twice as much as me!"
bunkyhenry
View Profile
Special user
NYC Metro
826 Posts

Profile of bunkyhenry
Pull my finger? I don't get it.
rannie
View Profile
Inner circle
4355 Posts

Profile of rannie
I guess every uncle, no matter what part of the world you come from , expels something pretty ill when you pull their finger. Get it!

Rannie
"If you can't teach an old dog new tricks, trick the old dog to learn."

-Rannie Raymundo-
aka The Boss
aka The Manila Enforcer

www.rannieraymundo.com
www.tapm.proboards80.net
abc
View Profile
Inner circle
South African in Taiwan
1081 Posts

Profile of abc
I don't really find the comment or question as annoying as I find it humorous but the "can you do the.......that David Blaine did" I usually respond to with Yeah for sure but it is very expensive so how much money have you got.
It is not only the uncles though you should pull my finger!! LOL
Reis O'Brien
View Profile
Inner circle
Seattle, WA
2467 Posts

Profile of Reis O'Brien
"can you do the.......that David Blaine did"

"Of course... who do you think taught it to him?"



"Can you make my wife disappear?"

"Sorry, I don't deal in used merchandise."
Homo vult decipi; decipiatur

http://www.myspace.com/liar_4_hire
Ron Reid
View Profile
Inner circle
Phoenix, Arizona
2733 Posts

Profile of Ron Reid
Okay, Stanyon...I'm laughing hard right now. Very classy indeed! Smile

Ron
avimagic
View Profile
Loyal user
Hollywood, Florida
233 Posts

Profile of avimagic
Quote:
"Can you make my wife disappear?"

"Sorry, I don't deal in used merchandise."


Reminds me of another comeback, though not to an annoying question:

"Can you do a trick for my son?"

"Sorry, sir, no trades."
Kannible
View Profile
New user
LAS VEGAS
56 Posts

Profile of Kannible
When someone asks "Can you make my wife disappear?" I always respond "I can only do magic not MIRICLES" also nice one avimagic
Thanks... Kyle
Cabrera
View Profile
Special user
Seattle
513 Posts

Profile of Cabrera
Regarding "Can you make my wife disappear?"

Sorry, that's a treat, not a trick.
"The quilt of life is woven with many different threads"
Bobcape
View Profile
Elite user
Rapid City, SD
470 Posts

Profile of Bobcape
When asked the "Can you make my wife disappear?" question, I try to get on the wife's side. Here's a couple of mine.

"Yea, but you'd run out of clean underwear in a week!"

or,

"Be careful, she may decide to stay disappeared!"

or for an overweight guy,

"I could, but who would hand you the remote?"

Bob
Be Amazed! + Enjoy The Magic!
avimagic
View Profile
Loyal user
Hollywood, Florida
233 Posts

Profile of avimagic
Quote:
or for an overweight guy,

"I could, but who would hand you the remote?"


LOL!!!!
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Witty answers to annoying comments (0 Likes)
 Go to page 1~2 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2021 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.14 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL