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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Depositions aren't always painful (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

S2000magician
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Tommy's attempt to draw legal arguments into a scientific discussion in another thread, along with a comment from our younger son, brought this to mind.

Several years ago we boarded our two horses at the home of some individuals who had some spare stalls on their property; we could not keep the horses at our residence. The next-door neighbor filed a lawsuit against these individuals, and, as part of the whole ridiculous process, my wife and I were deposed by the plaintiff's attorney.

During my deposition, the attorney asked all sorts of questions about my horse, including how much hay he ate each day, and how much he weighed. I told him that I didn't know how much he weighed, and then asked the attorney if he knew how one weighs a horse. He said that he didn't. So I explained that you stand on a scale, noting the weight, then pick up the horse and stand on the scale again, noting that weight, then subtract the first number from the second; the difference is the weight of the horse.

Yes: the stenographer took all of this down, and nobody objected. It's in the official transcript of the deposition.
tommy
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It does not help one's case to tell blatant lies under oath.
If there is a single truth about Magic, it is that nothing on earth so efficiently evades it.

Tommy
S2000magician
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Quote:
On Apr 20, 2019, tommy wrote:
It does not help one's case to tell blatant lies under oath.

It wasn't my case.
Dannydoyle
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Quote:
On Apr 20, 2019, S2000magician wrote:
Tommy's attempt to draw legal arguments into a scientific discussion in another thread, along with a comment from our younger son, brought this to mind.

Several years ago we boarded our two horses at the home of some individuals who had some spare stalls on their property; we could not keep the horses at our residence. The next-door neighbor filed a lawsuit against these individuals, and, as part of the whole ridiculous process, my wife and I were deposed by the plaintiff's attorney.

During my deposition, the attorney asked all sorts of questions about my horse, including how much hay he ate each day, and how much he weighed. I told him that I didn't know how much he weighed, and then asked the attorney if he knew how one weighs a horse. He said that he didn't. So I explained that you stand on a scale, noting the weight, then pick up the horse and stand on the scale again, noting that weight, then subtract the first number from the second; the difference is the weight of the horse.

Yes: the stenographer took all of this down, and nobody objected. It's in the official transcript of the deposition.


I can think of no better way to do it.

HILARIOUS. Being able to sell it and not give up the joke is just amazing control. Well played.
Danny Doyle
<BR>Semper Occultus
<BR>In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act....George Orwell
S2000magician
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Well, in my defense, it's tough to get a horse to stand still on a bathroom scale.
ed rhodes
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That's a great joke. I love that they sat there and took it down as testimony.
I think, horses are weighed the same way trucks and cars are weighed. i.e., you put the horse on a platform that's connected to a scale.
But that wouldn't have been funny.
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
Cliffg37
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Having worked for some very straightlaced attorneys in my time, I think that story is hysterical.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
Tom Cutts
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To be fair, a smart attorney would love that bit of “testimony”. It would come in handy to characterize the testimony given.
stoneunhinged
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I've never been deposed.
S2000magician
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Quote:
On Apr 21, 2019, Tom Cutts wrote:
To be fair, a smart attorney would love that bit of “testimony”. It would come in handy to characterize the testimony given.

To be even more fair, plaintiff's counsel wasn't a smart attorney.
stoneunhinged
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I've also never been smart, nor an attorney.

But never having been deposed, nor having been smart, nor an attorney, I still don't think I could hold a horse while standing on scales. The balance would be off. I suppose you would need to hold the horse vertically, with its nose pointed toward the sky.

OK, maybe I could do that.
S2000magician
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Quote:
On Apr 24, 2019, stoneunhinged wrote:
. . . I still don't think I could hold a horse while standing on scales.

It's definitely an acquired skill.

Quote:
On Apr 24, 2019, stoneunhinged wrote:
. . . with its nose pointed toward the sky.

More accurately, its muzzle.

(I did come across a young girl once who referred to it as the horse's snout. Heathen!)
stoneunhinged
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(Note to self: muzzle, not snout. Not nose. Muzzle.)

And what, Bill, should I call the other end of the horse?
S2000magician
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Quote:
On Apr 24, 2019, stoneunhinged wrote:
(Note to self: muzzle, not snout. Not nose. Muzzle.)

And what, Bill, should I call the other end of the horse?

The . . . um . . . tail.

(There was a Tumbleweeds comic strip in which one of the horses was branded with a large letter "S". The Indian - sorry, native American - who owned it explained that the "S" was for "stern", for those unfamiliar with equine anatomy.)
Alan M
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The big problem here is that while holding the horse, it’s terribly hard to look down and read the scale. The d@%n horse is in the way!
-Al
tommy
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What matters to us gamblers is not the weight of the horse but what weight the horse is carrying.
If there is a single truth about Magic, it is that nothing on earth so efficiently evades it.

Tommy
landmark
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Quote:
On Apr 24, 2019, stoneunhinged wrote:
(Note to self: muzzle, not snout. Not nose. Muzzle.)

And what, Bill, should I call the other end of the horse?


A politician?
tommy
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In the racing game “On the nose” means a win bet, as opposed a place bet. The horse can also win by a nose, a short head, a head or a neck and so on. Jockeys must weigh out and in before and after the race. If one has inside info one may find out how much weight the hose has lost in a race and sort of know how hard a race it has had. A horse can lose about a stone in a hard race but I think it is mainly sweat. So it is a bit like the null hypothesis; the new null hypothesis an’t what the old null hypothesis used to be.
If there is a single truth about Magic, it is that nothing on earth so efficiently evades it.

Tommy
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