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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » All tied up! » » Best lines for a comedy hand cuff escape (13 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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HighClass
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Hey Café, I'm working on my comedy hand cuff escape. I'm using the Handcuff Escape by Alan Wakeling.I need the best lines and jokes out there please donate your prized possessions for me.
Thank you for your help community.
Dick Oslund
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Why should anyone >>DONATE<< his patter, and presentation, which he has worked to develop, edit, and polish, in many cases, over years of performing?

Alan Wakeling's book, has the basic presentation. You paid for THAT, so you have the right to use it.

In nine years, you have made 93 posts. How many of those posts contributed anything positive to the members?

IMO, you have a lot of chutzpah (GUTS) to ask anyone to just give you what you are asking for!!!
SNEAKY, UNDERHANDED, DEVIOUS,& SURREPTITIOUS ITINERANT MOUNTEBANK
HighClass
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Wow Dick, I asked for help if you don't want to contribute that's ok.
But wow the bitterness.
Dick Oslund
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I'm not bitter, but, your asking for what you are asking for, is very irritating,
SNEAKY, UNDERHANDED, DEVIOUS,& SURREPTITIOUS ITINERANT MOUNTEBANK
Cliffg37
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Quote:
On Aug 13, 2019, HighClass wrote:
Hey Café, I'm working on my comedy hand cuff escape. I'm using the Handcuff Escape by Alan Wakeling.I need the best lines and jokes out there please donate your prized possessions for me.
Thank you for your help community.


You may or may not know this, but it is very possible that if someone gave you a line or two, and you used it, it would fall flat for you. Or it might work for you. My lines may or may not fit your character and stage persona. A line that gets huge laughs for me, could totally fail for you. example... A clown in make up, uses lines written by a science magician. It would not work. This is why most purchased tricks come with a very basic patter/presentation and then each one takes it and makes it their own by adding and changing what ever it is that makes them who they are.

A question you might ask, that might get you a better result could be... My stage persona is a _________________ can anyone help me with some ideas for escape patter.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
Harley Newman
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Oooo...let's ratchet this up!

(That's a line)
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus” -Mark Twain

www.bladewalker.com
HighClass
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Cliffg37, You are absolutely correct, lines are just lines. The power is in the performance. I'm just in the research phase of this project. I've poured through all my comedy books.
I've put my writes on the project and now I thought it would be fun to reach out to the magic community so that others working on similar project could benefit as well.

Thank you Harley for contributing.

Here is one I came up with: As your being cuffed "Ah the memories, Tijuana, I'll never forget Margarita"
Wipe a tear from your eye, "Sorry this just reminds me of my father"
To somebody in the front row: "You've been here before" or "I bet this brings back memories for you"
Don't loose the key I really don't want to have to go for the hidden one, that would be embarrassing for both of us.
Harley Newman
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This brings back memories...oh, you, too?
“You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus” -Mark Twain

www.bladewalker.com
Cliffg37
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I don't know you or your character, but the lines you have listed here may well work for you. I doubt they would work for me.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
HighClass
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That's ok Cliffg37. Do you have any that would work for you to contribute?
jimgerrish
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My Wiz Kids and I produced a entire book of "Jokes for Jugglers" ( http://wizkidzinc.com/DVDs/DVDs.htm ) and The Non-Profit group gets all the proceeds from the sale of this book, but just out of curiosity I went looking through it to see how many jokes I could find that could be common to both jugglers and Escape Artists (we always had at least one Wiz Kid Escape Artist in our shows). To my surprise, many of the same jokes can be adapted, even if you, as an Escape Artist, can't juggle at all.

Some free examples: “You may notice that while I do this my hands never leave my wrists.”

“And now I will juggle (whatever), with my eyes tied behind my back.”

“For the people in the back who can’t see very well ... I’m juggling 3 balls behind my back while handcuffed!”

Change the word "juggling" to "esacpe":

“My next escape is so difficult that even I can do it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve done this escape a thousand times ... but it’s only worked twice.”

“I did this escape before President Donald Trump ...(pause)... was elected.”

So even if you don't buy the "Jokes for Jugglers" e-Book (or printed version from Lulu.com) I'm sure you can go through the old Bob Orben joke books or any magic joke books you have and come up with many jokes that can easily be adapted for your use without my help.
Cliffg37
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Invite a cop onstage to either restrain you , or at least to examine the restraints. Ask him if he can fix a parking ticket. The audience will laugh even before he answers. Works best if the cop is not aware that it is coming. Then you get a natural reaction.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
dave_matkin
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Quote:
On Aug 15, 2019, jimgerrish wrote:
My Wiz Kids and I produced a entire book of "Jokes for Jugglers" ( http://wizkidzinc.com/DVDs/DVDs.htm ) and The Non-Profit group gets all the proceeds from the sale of this book, but just out of curiosity I went looking through it to see how many jokes I could find that could be common to both jugglers and Escape Artists (we always had at least one Wiz Kid Escape Artist in our shows). To my surprise, many of the same jokes can be adapted, even if you, as an Escape Artist, can't juggle at all.

Some free examples: “You may notice that while I do this my hands never leave my wrists.”

“And now I will juggle (whatever), with my eyes tied behind my back.”

“For the people in the back who can’t see very well ... I’m juggling 3 balls behind my back while handcuffed!”

Change the word "juggling" to "esacpe":

“My next escape is so difficult that even I can do it.”.



You charge people for this?

Wow .....

Well you're giving these ones away for free. I mean that's like 10 times more than it's worth.
dave_matkin
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On Aug 13, 2019, Dick Oslund wrote:
Why should anyone >>DONATE<< his patter, and presentation, which he has worked to develop, edit, and polish, in many cases, over years of performing?

Alan Wakeling's book, has the basic presentation. You paid for THAT, so you have the right to use it.

In nine years, you have made 93 posts. How many of those posts contributed anything positive to the members?

IMO, you have a lot of chutzpah (GUTS) to ask anyone to just give you what you are asking for!!!


I agree with you on this Dick. Someone coming on and asking for other people's work is a bit over the top! A person wh as you say 96 posts in 9 years and only 4 in the past month.... One asking for other performers to provide their

Quote:
On Aug 13, 2019, HighClass wrote:
best lines and jokes out there please donate your prized possessions for me.


Not even some good one liners or sources of such things - not even a polite request but donations of your best prized possessions ...nothing in return just come on and ask for your best stuff. Like you said Dick he seems to have chutzpah!

And ....

The other thing ... Why do people insist on comedy escapes - why are there so few of us just doing "proper" escapes (not that I am that active right now- if you know me you know why). Sure use comedy in your show but don't belittle the escape by bringing it to the level of comedy to make it work for them....

Then he has the further chutzpah to chastise you with this....

Quote:
On Aug 13, 2019, HighClass wrote:
Wow Dick, I asked for help if you don't want to contribute that's ok.
But wow the bitterness.


How dare you, Dick, not give freely your best material form the decades of working as a full time pro to some random upstart who thinks everyone owes him their best lines without him providing anything..... (If you read Dicks posts and look at his AMAZINGLY kind contributions over his time at the Café).

Dick your reply was INCREDIBLY refined, respectful, polite and very tempered considering!

Quote:
On Aug 13, 2019, Dick Oslund wrote:
I'm not bitter, but, your asking for what you are asking for, is very irritating,


Dick I am afraid that I have to slightly disagree here....I know your posts and what you share..... You do share ideas, information and more. I am 99% sure that if someone came to you in a measured, polite and respectful manner that you WOULD discuss with them and share some ideas.

Before HighClass (got to love the irony of the profile name here!) gets on my case and tells me that I'm bitter too.... let me reply to your reply.....



Quote:
On Aug 14, 2019, HighClass wrote:
Cliffg37, You are absolutely correct, lines are just lines. The power is in the performance. I'm just in the research phase of this project. I've poured through all my comedy books.
I've put my writes on the project and now I thought it would be fun to reach out to the magic community so that others working on similar project could benefit as well.



I am not working on similar project (sic) as I don't see the value in a comedy handcuff escape (in my opinion handcuffs should be a serious proposition that can build a reputation rather than reducing them to a short piece with a few giggles) but I look forward to see what your writes (sic) come up with! Not sure how many other people reading here would also be working on similar project (sic) with comedy handcuff escape and a team of writes (sic). I think it's important to not degrade our spectators though.... So some care maybe needed around one liners about what is essentially also used (by others) as bondage gear. Some jokes I may use in a street gig when using a piece of rope I may not want to use at a middle class WI meeting (Women's institute). Sure pull a di**do out of a body bag but it's probably best not to joke about rope and bondage.



Quote:
On Aug 14, 2019, HighClass wrote:

Thank you Harley for contributing.

Here is one I came up with: As your being cuffed "Ah the memories, Tijuana, I'll never forget Margarita"
Wipe a tear from your eye, "Sorry this just reminds me of my father"
To somebody in the front row: "You've been here before" or "I bet this brings back memories for you"
Don't loose the key I really don't want to have to go for the hidden one, that would be embarrassing for both of us.


I'm not sure if that is funny. I'm not American so I am not sure if it passes for humour over there. But wow tipping methods! not only on an open forum but in your patter for a show? Brave.....or as Dick said...."chutzpah" indeed!

Back to my proper reply and I'm even willing to share so......... Whilst I wait for the comedy gold from your writes.....

A few things I will share.
1. The first I am sure I am not the first. I got the general idea from Kondini way back I time...and adapted it to a less "adult theme"......so I use this at the start of a body bag or a wheelie bin escape (serious escape - real danger due to the air tight nature of the bag and/or bin Smile ). I get s kid up to help out. I tell them they will inspect the bag/bin to make sure there are no hidden tools in there. I stage whisper to them to pass out one tool at a time. And false start my "talk" as the kid pulls out a tool - eg a big hammer....false start...kid pulls out took number 2 a massive saw...etc etc. For a more adult show pull out other "tools".
2. May not be of use to you but here goes.....as I approach the performing area I come on to or sing the great Oasis song "Roll with it!".
3. When using Hanburg 8s I will slip them VERY slowly making sure it looks painful and sore. It looks red and horrid. I lube up with some saliva by licking my left hand and thumb. I will often use the line what is not better when it's hot and wet? It's kept comedy - well by some standards it is - it's rather risky but I use it when the time is right. All the time making sure they can see it's slow going. I keep referring to old methods of escape. Then once I've slipped them slowly I will have them reapplied. Again ... If the situation is right and only if it is right....and I can get away with it I will say.... It's always better the second time...and everyone is more impressed.... I then escape very quickly... I won't reveal the method here but I will refer you to the how to make and use your own gaff handcuffs. I'm sure that's where I saw the gaff described. Took me several hours of work to make but well worth it. And I can still perform this escape without shed loads of pain in my feet.

Look forward to your writes lines to follow. Smile
Dick Oslund
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Thanks Dave, for your beautifully written comments!

It's evident that you understand my reasons for responding to the OP, the way that I did.

I've presented an ESCAPE program, successfully, in schools. I'm well aware of the challenge to ENTERTAIN young folks, with escapes!

Back in '95, I was booking school show talent for NATIONAL SCHOOL ASSEMBLIES, for about a month, every autumn. Richard "X" did a fine escape program. He did the "AUSTRALIAN BOARD", THE HUNDRED FOOT ROPE, AND A STRAIT JACKET. Jack Lythgoe and I had booked a full semester tour for him. He was to start in early January, and finish in May.

A week before Christmas, Jack West, the manager of National phoned, and asked if I knew someone who could replace RICHARD! RICHARD had called, Jack, and canceled his contract!

I suggested Jim Jayes, who was a good clown with circus experience, and lots of local experience with marionettes, Punch & Judy, plus, magic and juggling. Jack said "OK, as long as he can feature some escapes." I called Jim, and, offered him my handcuffs, strait jacket, etc. Jim did a fine job on the Idaho, Utah tour; I had Jim UPS "overnight" ship the props to me in Tennessee, when he finished half the tour, and I did the other half in Tennessee and Kentucky.

I didn't do a "challenge" type program. Houdini had "grown up" in Appleton, Wisconsin, a hundred miles from my home town, I did a "historical" presentation of Houdini's success. It played very well. I used some humorous anecdotes about Houdini, and the students (and school principals) liked it.

As you noted, I didn't appreciate High Class's attitude. I've mentored and helped a lot of young guys to get started in the business. They created their own acts, and, are successful.
SNEAKY, UNDERHANDED, DEVIOUS,& SURREPTITIOUS ITINERANT MOUNTEBANK
HighClass
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Jimgerrish, Thank you so much for your contributions. I have just purchased your book and look forward to going through it. Pay no attention to Dave, the ones you offer up were fantastic. Unfortunately on a platform like this you get arm chair critic like Dave and Dick, who just want to criticize and complain. My guess they don't perform much and are bitter about it. On the other hand your Wiz Kids are out there making people happy and bringing smiles with these joke. Good for you my friend.

For anybody else who would like to join this conversation. This is a conversation for those who want to collaborate on a comedy escape routine. If you don't want to or don't feel you should contribute, don't. For those of you who don't like or don't want to do comedy escapes this is not the conversation for you.

In life it is okay to be disappointed, offended or whatever... But we don't always have to voice it. I get offend by cursing, rude people and slow service but I don't go around letting everybody know that I'm offended and offering my 2 cents worth. In stead I simply choose not to enter the conversation of remove my self from the offending situation. Other wise I would go through life sounding like Dave and Dick.

But for the rest of you, my fun loving comedy magi who strive to spread the joy of live through performance and you personalities, jump in and let's have some more fun.
HighClass
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Cliff, love the idea of a cop on stage. I ended my show last week with Hira's rope escape. Of the 2 gentlemen I called on stage to help me, one was a cop. You are right about the comedy. As soon as I asked what he does and got his reply, the audience started laughing. The line about the ticket would have been great. Or perhaps mention the boot on my car outside. Thank you for your contribution, clif.
Dick Oslund
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For your information, Mr. High Class (???) neither Dave Matkin, nor I, are arm chair critics.

I have been performing since the 1940s J.B BOBO, and I, in the '70s, estimated that we each had done at least 20,000 shows. I have worked schools, and colleges for 50 years, state fairs, trade shows from coast to coast and border to border. I have booked and worked in circuses and National Conventions. I have lectured, with many repeat engagements, for rings, assemblies, regional and national conventions + the Magic Castle,twice.

I think that Dave did a masterful job in replying to your statement, so, I don't intend to add to his comments. --And, I don't intend to return to this page, either.
SNEAKY, UNDERHANDED, DEVIOUS,& SURREPTITIOUS ITINERANT MOUNTEBANK
HighClass
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Finally gone, good. Boy he was bringing down the fun of this simple exercise.He could suck the fun out of a clown school. He was as much fun as a tooth extraction. JB BoBo, Bounce Bounce out of here. JB Jaded Bummer. I have, I have, but now your not and your bitter.
HighClass
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I have to say thank you again to Mr. jimgerrish His book ( http://wizkidzinc.com/DVDs/DVDs.htm ) Is a a great resource and helps out some great kids. I would recommend it to anyone wanting to put some comedy in their show.
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