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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Mentalism's a joke (1 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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joseph
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Here is an experiment in mind over matter.... and with my mind, it doesn't matter....

I come from a family of mentalists.... Take my grandfather; He knew the exact moment he was going to die.... a judge told him... (Larry Jennings).......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Banachek
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Why doesn't Kreskin have kids?

Because he has crystal B a **s
In thoughts and Friendship
Banachek
Campus Performer of the Year two years in a row
Year 2000 Campus Novelty Act
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http://www.banachek.com
Carron
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I love this thread guys, haven't laughed at a computer screen for quite a while

cheers

Tom
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-07-26 22:45, mindhunter wrote:
"Did you hear about the midget mind-reader that escaped from the assylum?"

(Bryn gets ready for the boos....)

"They are looking for a small Medium at-large....."



I saw one in Magic Magazine;

It's rare to find a medium who's seance is well-done!
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
Sid Mayer
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Hi,

Read any good minds lately?
All the world's a stage ... and everybody on it is overacting.
Wolflock
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Loved the jokes all. Brilliant.

Only one I know is just a normal magicians joke. You have probably heard it but...

A Magician on a cruiseliner is having a tough time with a parrot during his act. The parrot keeps blurting out, "Its up his sleeve...", "Its hidden in the drink...", etc. At the peak of his final trick, as the pyro's go off, the ship hits an iceburg and sinks. The magician wakes up on a broken piece of wood, drifting on the open ocean. Just his luck, the parrot is on the same piece of wood, staring at him. Two weeks go by when the parrot skwalks, " OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"
Wolflock
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Bill Palmer
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Okay. This is an old joke, but so are most of the others.

When television finally got a foothold in the entertainment market, many of the old vaudevillians couldn't find work in their chosen fields. One such case was an excellent ventriloquist. He wasn't photogenic enough for television, and he didn't want to sell shoes, so he rented a little 10 by 10 office and set up shop as a spirit medium.

He had a sign out front that said "Have you lost a loved one? The medium will let you speak directly to your dearly departed."

And he did a pretty good business. He wasn't getting rich, but he was making ends meet. Then one day, a wealthy woman came into his shop and said, "Sir, if I pay you $1,500, do you gaurantee that I can speak directly to my late husband?"

He replied, "Madam, for $1,500, you will not only be able to speak directly to your dead husband, but I'll drink a glass of water at the same time!"
"The Swatter"

Founder of CODBAMMC

My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups."

www.cupsandballsmuseum.com
Laban
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Another old one.
A person walks into a Mind-reader and a conversation begins :
P: Say, are you a real mind reader?
MR: Why, yes I am!
*suddenly, the person raises his fist and and BLASTs that guys face off*
P: Well then you should have seen it coming!
redstreak
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One day, a real psychic and a fake psychic were walking down the street blindfolded. The fake one walked into a bar. The real one ducked.
joseph
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A medium didn't pay her bills....They repossesed her....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
John Born
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My grandfather was a mentalist, my father was a mentalist, and I'm not working either...
The Mighty Fool
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A guy is walking through town to meet someone, and he's running late. He approaches a homeless man reclining under a bright neon-sign, and asks if he happens to know the time. The homeless guy has no watch, but he puts his left hand to his forehead as though concentrating, and says "It's 5:17." The man thanks the guy & gives him a dollar. He asks the next person he sees wearing a watch the time, and sure enough, the bum had it right!

After his meeting, the man is walking back to his car, and he sees the same homeless guy under the neon sign. Curious, he walks up & asks him the time again (this time knowing it himself)....again, the bum puts his hand to his brow, and says "It's 7:21". The man says "WOW!! That's really amazing! Listen, this mental power....can you teach it to me? I'll give you a hundred dollars if you do!" The bum agrees, pockets the money, and instructs the man to stand where he was sitting.
BUM: Okay, now look about 2 inches to the left
MAN: Allright.
BUM: Now hold your hand above your eyes to block the neon glare.
MAN: Yeah....okay.
BUM See that big clock on the tower between those 2 buildings?
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
Bill Palmer
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Quote:
On 2004-12-21 07:10, joseph wrote:
A medium didn't pay her bills....They repossesed her....

Tell it right.

Did you hear about the fellow who didn't pay his exorcist?

He was repossessed.
"The Swatter"

Founder of CODBAMMC

My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups."

www.cupsandballsmuseum.com
joseph
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Jeeesh....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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It seems like there is a bunch of patter that always gets changed around.
WhiteAngel
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I'd tell you all one but I'm sure that you know it......
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
RJE
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I am now going to attempt to do a simple mind reading trick for which I need the assistance of someone with a simple mind...
The Mac
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I've got one..its about a magician and its very very naughty

So here's the warning this joke is restricted 2-16: (please don't ban me for this!)

During a lull in his show a magician invites anyone from the audience to do a magic trick. A drunk guy wobbles on stage and then says he will need the magicians female assistant.

The man then undresses the assistant and proceeds with intimicies.

The magician exclaims : Hey! that's not a trick.

the drunk replies : yeah, but its _ _ _ _ing magic!!


I told you it was bad..please don't ban me!!
WhiteAngel
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I just thought of this one, don't know if it's any good, though. A middle aged couple go to a magic show. During th ecourse of the show, the magician chooses the wife to help with a trick. When the magician vanishes the wife, the man shoots the magician, and leaves. The police catch the man, and when questioned why he shot the guy, he said "cause he was going to bring her back....."
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
munger
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austria
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Ok,
I hope you are not upset about this one and I hope I can translate it good enough to English.
It´s a well-known magician joke here in Austria.

Two men are sitting in the sauna(hope this is the correct name in English for the small wooden, hot, rooms in Skandinavia where you are nacked an sweat).
the not magician ask the magician if he can show him a trick, naked too.
the magician asks the other man to bend over and says:
"can you feel my thumb?" the other one : "yes"
the magcician:" see, and there are 2 more"

sorry for that one Smile
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