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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Mentalism's a joke (1 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Wolflock
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South Africa
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LOL that was a good one Munger. Your English is not too bad. If anyone has a problem with it, tell them to speak your language.

Regards
Wolflock
Wolflock
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South Africa
The Donster
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Munger you are correct on the name
Chris Keppel
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Kansas City MO
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I don't get any of these jokes. Just kidding, not only do I get them, but I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO POST THEM. How's that for being mentely insane, I mean a mentel freak, I mean a guy who knows stuff
www.chriskeppel.com
Kepp's Custom Carbon Fiber
Wolflock
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I knew you would say that. No I didn't! Yes I did! Please excuse me while I go outside and beat myself up.
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
The Donster
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While wolfie is outside changing his mind hopefully he'll remeber to put it back in.
bitterman
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Here's a good one for the mentalist:

"Knock knock".
If you are not cheating, you are only cheating yourself.

Dutchco is about to put out some new Ebook: DUTCHCO. Get 'em while you can.
bnadworn
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Western New York
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Seen on a bumper sticker: If you are a telepath think "Honk"

From a newspaper ad: There will be a meeting of the ESP club. For more information please call.


Olga went to the local psychic in the hope of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids fluttered, her voice warbled, her hands floated up above the table, and she started moaning.

Eventually, a coherent voice emanated, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

Olga, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, answered, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes, granddaughter, it's me."

"It's really, really you, Grandmother?" Olga repeated.

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

Olga looked puzzled, "You're sure it's you, Grandmother?"

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

She paused for a moment then said, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight, and dropped in a coin.

"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great husband."

"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
"They say the hand is quicker than the eye but I won't believe it until I see it."
dyddanwy
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Chester. UK
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Bnadworn,

I could almost hear John Edwards voice in your post above. LOL. I like the Bumper sticker too.
Thanks
JD
~ ~
Parson Smith
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"Reading some people's minds is like trying to mow grass on a sidewalk.
Here kitty, kitty,kitty. Smile
+++a posse ad esse+++
Michael Peterson
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is where I'm trapped, because of my
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Some people believe in telekinesis, I prefer my telekinephews ! Smile


Mike
mesmer
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We mentalist is a lot like Lawyer....we lie, we steal, we cheat and we got paid!
Sealegs
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I had a latex brain, (Not in my head.. it was a prop) and wrote a few 'comedy club' gags for it that I never got round to performing.

one was, "last night I picked a girl up in a bar took her back to my place we f***ed each others brains out.... and these are hers!

Another equally as gross was the idea of filling the hollow latex brain with water and sqirting it out the handy hole in the back of it while saying,
"Here's quick impression of me last night.....pi**ed out my brains"

Neal
Neal Austin

"The golden rule is that there are no golden rules." G.B. Shaw
Eric Lott
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Michigan
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Did you hear about the midget psychic who robbed a bank? The headline in the morning paper was:

Small Medium at Large

This isn't really a joke, but one routine I do is kind of mental magic. I ask the spectator, "Do you believe in mind reading?" If the answer is yes, then you say "Ahh, you must be married too." Or if the answer is no, you can say "Would you tell that to my wife."
Eric Lott
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Another one I've used is when choosing a spectator, say "Is there anyone in the audience who would like to have their mind read?" After looking around a second or two, find some guy in the back and say something like "Sir, I'm quite sure you don't everyone knowing what you're thinking."
brilliant
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I only took up reading minds becasue it was cheaper than The New Yorker.

"Ok," says the Great Randi in his deep sonerous voice as the TV lights glare down on him, "for one million dollars, read my mind..."
The mentalist shuffles to the microphone, closes his eyes and concentrates. Finally he starts mumbling, "ha! This is money for old rope, expose a few wackos, collect my pay cheque, get my face on TV and... ****... did he just... no... ****... he's saying what I'm... but... oh ****ty **** ****, gotta shut him up... where the hell am I going to get a million bucks, fu..."
The Great Randi suddenly takes the microphone, smiling. "Thank you, thank you. But the word I was thinking of was,'House'".
joseph
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"Five dollars for one question!" said the woman to the fortune teller.
"That's very expensive, isn't it?"
"Next!" ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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