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Ollie1235 Special user England 533 Posts |
I found a site with a list of things that movies have taught us , feel free to add to the list
Things You'd Never Know If It Weren't For The Movies: One of a pair of identical twins is evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one...dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, heiroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22. Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops. if you can think if any more then please add to the list ollie |
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dr chutney Special user United Kingdom 518 Posts |
You can pilot the most sophisticated spacecraft in the Universe, but lift off will always involve flicking switches and pressing buttons above your head, just like the aircraft of today.
In movieland the internet always works at blinding speed, even on mobile laptops. Swirling graphics, high resolution images, and video links appear instantaneously. Email announcements always appear far more interesting than in real life. If you're chasing, or being chased, you can drive on a pavement and people will always have the good sense to move out of the way in time, especially the guy whose stall is always there to be demolished. Whatever vehicle you are driving security gates will always conveniently collapse when you crash through them.
We're having a laugh!
Grab yourself a FREE Joke Ebook at http://thejester.biz |
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Greg Arce Inner circle 6732 Posts |
If you want a girl who doesn't want you then just simply persist and be everywhere she goes, call her all the time, send her presents, wait outside her house and lipsync to a love song... oh, and don't worry, she won't consider that stalking.
If you get a chance to be aboard an alien spaceship you'll always be able to figure out the controls... and the seats seem to be fitting for human form. If you are mad at someone while on the phone then you know to eventually smash that phone as much as possible to show how mad you are. If you are a detective, police officer, or any type of crime-solver, it doesn't matter how many times you've been right in the past, on this case your boss will say your idea is crazy. If you are caught in a stallmate where you and someone else has a gun pointed at each other, don't worry, no one will shoot first even though that would be the natural way to get out of that situation. On the subject of bombs: it doesn't matter how much time is left, you will always diffuse it within the last three seconds. Machine guns and automatic guns are loud and look cool when shot, but all those bullets never really hit anything. Explosions don't really kill you... they just send you flying away from the danger... unless you're the bad guy. All city transportation vehicles are loaded with a cross-section of every culture and stereotype. If you are a bad guy, before you try to kill the good guy in an elaborate way, you must first tell him your exact future plans for world domination and where you hid the money and where his girlfriend is kept. All beautiful women will be perceived as better actresses if they play a homely girl by putting on a lot of make-up... never mind that there are homely girls out there who are great actresses and could do a better job in that role. If your are a good guy and someone tosses you out a window or over a ledge, don't worry, there's always a convenient place to fall or hang onto... or they've placed a fully stacked garbage bin below that only has paper products in it. If you are in your house alone and you slowly creep towards a sound near your window, don't worry, it will just be your cat jumping in from outside... of course, you won't be that lucky the next time you look. Your new in-laws will always have a wacky grandmother or grandfather that says the funniest things... and knows at least one rap song. If you are constantly surrounded by robots and you kind of are suspicious of them, rest assured you probably are a robot yourself. All Asians are experts in some sort of martial arts. It doesn't matter how many times they punch, kick, stab, or shoot you, whether you're bad or good, if you need to be there for a key moment, don't worry you'll make it. Anyone can fly a plane if they just talk them through it... same thing applies to diffusing a bomb... or hacking into a computer... or doing a dangerous operation. As for a hacking a computer: don't bother punching in all those attempted passwords, just wait until the last second and punch in one... it will work that time. Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
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dr chutney Special user United Kingdom 518 Posts |
Oh, and I completely forgot, if you need to warn your girlfriend, colleague, partner, that they are in terrible danger don't bother trying to phone. Either they will just go out as their phone rings and ignore it, or they'll be talking to someone else, or they're dead anyway.
If you are trying to solve a murder or series of murders, don't worry about standard police work, door to door enquiries, looking at the evidence etc. You'll solve the case in a moment of inspiration whilst someone is telling you about something totally disconnected from the case.
We're having a laugh!
Grab yourself a FREE Joke Ebook at http://thejester.biz |
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Doug Higley 1942 - 2022 7152 Posts |
All you need to do is click your heels together three times.
Nothing much else matters.
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
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Ollie1235 Special user England 533 Posts |
It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises If someone says "I'll be right back", they won't. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite. ollie |
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Ellen Kotzin Loyal user UPSTATE, NY 280 Posts |
Everyone is now able to "crouching tiger hidden dragon" jump. So don't fret if you need to jump off a helicopter when you need to.
When in a spooky, unknown place, wear high heels, so it will help when the assassin/killer/freaky murderous serial killer is chasing you. Ellen |
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Scott Cram Inner circle 2678 Posts |
Quote:
On 2004-08-01 16:22, Ollie1235 wrote: ...in the skimpiest outfit they own! All magicians are either lonely nerds, or evil villains bent on world destruction. Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed. If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. Beware of transvestite doctors that sing. When you turn out the light to go to sleep, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but have a blue tint. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time. During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will always be the tourist trade. A single match will be sufficient to light up any room, no matter how large. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. |
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Andini Special user Columbus, OH 685 Posts |
If your parents tell you that Santa Claus doesn't exist, don't worry. He'll show up eventually in full costume.
When something bad's about to happen, it'll be raining. Don't get upset if your girlfriend doesn't understand why you're always late, never home, etc. Something will happen and she'll eventually see that you were telling the truth all along. In martial arts, one kick or punch is enough to kill a single, no-name Asian man. You can switch lives with anyone that looks like you and nobody will figure it out (except the maid). |
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Shane Wiker Inner circle Las Vegas 1199 Posts |
The person most important in solving a mystery will always be found dead.
If you are trapped and need to call someone, don't bother. The phone is dead, the doors are locked, and there is a crazy mutated man with a bloody knife standing right behind you. If you are in the house of a mad man, and outnumber him four to one, the best thing to do is split up. Shane Wiker |
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ColinB Regular user 129 Posts |
Any wooden chair picked up at random will break easily into a twenty or so lightweight pieces when smashed over the back of an assailant, leaving him relatively unharmed.
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ColinB Regular user 129 Posts |
If you're poor but funny, don't worry if the beautiful girl of your dreams gets engaged to some arrogant rich guy - she will come back to you eventually, and he'll fall victim to some hilarious accident where he ends up covered in mud or some other messy substance.
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Michael Baker Eternal Order Near a river in the Midwest 11172 Posts |
Teenagers having sex will die within minutes.
When a crook fires his last bullet he will always throw his gun at you. The monster is not really dead the first three times you kill it. In a western, a bartender who is not actually pouring a drink will be seen wiping a glass with a towel. Cash is only dropped a bagful at a time and it will be blown everywhere by a sudden breeze. While searching an office for evidence or proof, the right document will be found within seconds. Nobody enters a haunted house in nice weather.
~michael baker
The Magic Company |
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GypsyPirate Regular user 110 Posts |
No matter how expensive a gun may have been, if you run out of ammunition you must throw it to the side and continue your pursuit or flee, even though ammunition is inexpensive and plentiful, and you will live anyway and just have another shootout the following day. Don't worry, a kid won't find it on the street.
If you lose a small precious, important, or significant item in even thousands of miles of desert, snow, jungle, or mountain, don't worry; you will later trip and fall flat on your face, and when you open your eyes, it will be right in front of your face. Oh, and that will be the only time you ever trip, and you won't have time to put your hands down to catch yourself. You will get the girl, don't worry.
Magic Mark
"How'd you do that?" ... "Very carefully." |
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ColinB Regular user 129 Posts |
The most sensible and insightful lifestyle advice given to adults will come from the pre-teen children of single parents.
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Dr_Stephen_Midnight Inner circle SW Ohio, USA 1555 Posts |
All space aliens speak English, or can quickly learn.
If you go back in time in another country, the people will still speak your language. Ancient Romans all spoke like Sir Lawrence Olivier. Just when a truce is about to be finalized, some fanatical bozo with a pistol will ruin everything. Prior to the 1970s, cultists would burst into flames if you touched them with a holy relic. After the 1970s all vampires could ignore holy relics and would morph into batlike gargoyle monstrosities for little or no reason. If the hero has seconds to stop a disaster as indicated on a time-clock countdown, he will never manage to shut it down with anything above 5 seconds remaining on the timer. Any vehicle explodes in a huge firebowl when shot or after crashing; this includes horsedrawn carriages (which always haul dynamite or nitro). Steve
Dr. Lao: "Do you know what wisdom is?"
Mike: "No." Dr. Lao: "Wise answer." |
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Michael Baker Eternal Order Near a river in the Midwest 11172 Posts |
Parents only understand that eminent danger is at hand moments before their children execute a plan that saves the day.
If trapped at the edge of a cliff, don't be afraid to jump. There is always a river below. Any hero/villian conflict involving a train will always have the best fight happen on top of the train. If you shoot at someone from a fire escape, you will never hit them. When someone is being chased on foot, there are always trashcans to pull over to block the path of the pursuer. Besides the main characters of a scene, the only other people ever seen in an alley behind buildings are restaurant workers. Never try to pass another vehicle. There is always a truck coming. Anyone running being chased in an industrial complex will always go up. Nobody drives a speed boat while seated. Any helicopter that goes out of sight behind a hill will crash in a firey explosion. Horses and dogs are always there when you need them. The monster will jump out seconds after you compose yourself from being scared by a cat. In any Caféteria, someone will either be tripped or knocked into, spilling food everywhere. Angry villagers rarely carry guns... usually torches and pitchforks. Only long shots and underdogs win races. In a grocery store, pyramids of cans are coming down. If breaking into a guarded compound to rescue a kidnapping victim, it is easier to knock out the armed patrol guard if you wait until he lights his cigarette. Above every cave entrance is a pile of boulders waiting to fall and block the opening. Victims of natural disasters always huddle. Older native Americans have mystical powers. If you are in a war and someone shows you a picture of their sweetheart back home, they will be dead very soon. All fishing nets will produce, among other things, a boot. Women who live in trailers in the desert will always rat out their boyfriend. Fathers who miss their kid's recital at the beginning of the film will always turn out for the better in the end. Just as the killer is about to strike their fatal blow on the film's last victim, their previous victim, who we all thought was dead, will come up from behind and shoot them. The only spiders that crawl on people are tarantulas, and they can be found in every corner of the Earth. Bimbos always chew gum. Used car dealers always wear plaid and have toupees.
~michael baker
The Magic Company |
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Michael Baker Eternal Order Near a river in the Midwest 11172 Posts |
Common sense always skips a generation. Children and their grandparents are infinitely wiser than the middle aged parents in between.
~michael baker
The Magic Company |
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M. Perk Loyal user Hilton Head Island 292 Posts |
If you are exploring a planet with Captain Kirk, Sulu, Dr McCoy, or Mr. Spock, guess who's not coming back?
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Dr_Stephen_Midnight Inner circle SW Ohio, USA 1555 Posts |
Especially if you're wearing a red shirt.
Steve
Dr. Lao: "Do you know what wisdom is?"
Mike: "No." Dr. Lao: "Wise answer." |
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