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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Stuff that the movies have taught us (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Dr_Stephen_Midnight
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A more recent thing I've learned:

If you don't like a scene in a Lucas Star Wars film, don't worry. He will probably change it in a few years.

Steve
Dr. Lao: "Do you know what wisdom is?"
Mike: "No."
Dr. Lao: "Wise answer."
Reis O'Brien
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One single afternoon of detention is all it will take for the richest girl in school to fall madly in love with the foul-mouthed metalhead with cigar burns on his arms.

You should listen to the Chief of Police when he says that you'll need a bigger boat.

All UFO's come with their very own Pink Floyd Laser Light Show.

If your every window in your house is covered in flies and oozing blood from the walls, MOVE OUT.

Possessed little girls can say some very naughty things.

No matter how many times you free the killer whale, he will get captured again for at least another sequal.

The best thing in life is to crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of the women.

Sand People ride single file, to hide their numbers.

Cute, lost aliens can levitate bicycles.

They can also build an intergallactic messaging system out of tin cans, an old record, an umbrella and a re-wired Speak-n-Spell, but they can't figure out the intricate workings of a can of Diet Coke.

Mermaids eat lobsters with their hands, shell and all.

Some amplifiers go to 11.
Homo vult decipi; decipiatur

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Dr_Stephen_Midnight
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Houdini drowned in the Water Torture Cell.

Houdini had one male assistant, named Otto.

The Lake extended blade chopper existed in the late 1890s.

The Houdinis never had children because Bess had a miscarriage.

Erik Jan Hannussen relied on a natural hypnotic gift for everything he did.

Lon Chaney Sr. approved Lon Jr's acting career from his death bed.

Bela Lugosi had nobody to rely on besides Ed Wood at the end of his life, hated Boris Karloff and cussed like a sailor.

Max Schreck really was a vampire.

You can pick a pin tumbler lock without a tension wrench and without turning the cylinder.

You can shoot a door lock open with a .38, and then open the door even though the latch and deadbolt should still be in place.

Every Mad Scientist laboratory has a non-OSHA-approved "fatal switch" or open flasks of explosive liquids.

A musclebound former Special Forces commando can fire a 50 caliber automatic tripod weapon on full auto as if it were a submachinegun and never miss the enemy.

Old West gunslingers could consistently cut ropes, disarm opponents (without injuring them) and light matches on a quick draw and shoot.

Evil Cattle Barons were always genial and packed derringers.

Whenever the worst of the bad men, or a lawman/hero looking for that bad man, entered the saloon, the piano player stopped playing.

Gumshoe detectives never suffer brain damage from repeated concussions, usually administered by some guy wearing saddle shoes.

Megalomaniacal villains always tell the heroes their plans in detail before leaving the heroes to die in some kind of showy death trap that they can escape from.

Steve
Dr. Lao: "Do you know what wisdom is?"
Mike: "No."
Dr. Lao: "Wise answer."
GypsyPirate
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Hitting someone on the back of the head when you sneak up behind them will alway render them unconscious instantly, they will never sout or say "ouch," and no one will hear them fall.

A spaceship can have artificial gravity, no matter how small it is.

Friendly aliens wear clothes. Hostile ones do not.

Friendly aliens have a language of some sort, if not English. Hostile ones only make high-pitched squeals, grunts, hisses, and clicks.

Aliens from the future and prehistoric dinosaurs both cause the same amount of panic and disaster, are both smarter than us, and are both very difficult to kill.

If you have a dog, it will save your life and then later be in just the right place at the right time, so you can in turn, save it.

Computers never have Microsoft Windows.

Absolutely everything will be voice activated in a few years, and cars will be really cool.

If you laugh at someone when you think they sound crazy, you will die.

Shower curtains are chest-high, or non-existent.

When you freeze time, there will always be a dog peeing on a fire hydrant somewhere nearby.

If the bad guy calls you, you won't have to ask, "who is this?" You will just know.

Old ladies never get hit by buses.

One gun always manages to make it on your plane.

You will never dial a wrong number, and you don't have to say "goodbye" when you end a phone conversation.

If you are in the shower when someone rings the doorbell, just put a towel around you, because it is a gorgeous person of the opposite sex.

You never have to go to the bathroom, and never get hungry in the middle of something important.

Trains and buses cannot be heard until they have hit someone.
Magic Mark

"How'd you do that?" ... "Very carefully."
drhackenbush
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Let the Wookie win.
Samuel Catoe
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Mentors are always old and gray haired, are sometimes very short and green, and always have abilities that defy the pupil's "limited" view of the universe.

When in doubt, close your eyes and pull the trigger. You will always hit your target.

Never, never, NEVER put a small exhaust port just below the main port.
Author of Illusions of Influence, a treatise on Equivoque.
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Scott Cram
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During any car chase, there will always be either two guys crossing the street with a big pane of glass or large mirror, or there will plenty of fruit stands alongside the same street.
Jim Wilder
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If you are the villian and the good guy asks for a final request before you kill him, tell him no and kill him.

Better yet, kill him, then say no.
Jim Wilder
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All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
Michael Baker
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All apartments in Paris have a great view of the Eiffel Tower.

Since the American Revolution, the British Army has only been allowed to fight in North Africa.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Michael Baker
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Eternal Order
Near a river in the Midwest
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300 heavy drinkers in a Mexican bar, yet every beer bottle has an inch of dust on it.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
dr chutney
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If I'm a Nazi foot soldier on guard duty, it's certainly not in my best interest to light a cigarette.

Shop windows, house windows, church windows. You can easily jump through any of them and not incur so much as a scratch.

In a busy police station, while you're interviewing a key witness, your colleagues will be manhandling a drug dealer, interviewing prostitutes, leaving phones to ring, or drinking coffee.

At the murder scene the investigating officer's first words will be, "OK, what have we got?"
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GypsyPirate
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Security guards never watch the survellience screens.

If you have something to think about, and you look up in the sky, you will always see a bird or two.

You never stop mid-sentence and say, "I forgot what I was saying."

You will automatically know any phone number you need to dial.

When channel surfing, there will always be an informercial for that instant spray-on hair to cover bald spots.

Cell phones all have the exact same ring, and no vibrate feature.

If you get a package with a fish wrapped in a bullet-proof vest, it means somebody sleeps with the fishes.

The average air speed velocity of swallows differ between African-swallows and European-swallows, African swallows are non-migratory, and a five-ounce European swallow cannot carry a one-pound coconut.
Magic Mark

"How'd you do that?" ... "Very carefully."
Michael Baker
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Access to second story windows is easy due to a nearby ladder conveniently set to the correct height... and that's a good thing because a downspout or a trellis will always break.

Pizza delivery guys all wear headphones.

In a cave, torches can always be found in a holder on the wall.

The more powerful the businessman, the more likely he will be putting golf balls into a glass when you enter his office.

The vampire's coffin is always found moments before he is due to return at dawn.

When a Mafia-driven car is seen leaving slowly, it will blow up.

If a surgeon comes to the waiting room wiping blood from his hands, it's good news.

If you go in the game within the last minute, you will score the winning touchdown, hit the winning homerun or make the winning basket.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-08-01 15:08, Greg Arce wrote:
If you want a girl who doesn't want you then just simply persist and be everywhere she goes, call her all the time, send her presents, wait outside her house and lipsync to a love song... oh, and don't worry, she won't consider that stalking.


Hey, It worked for me! (Married 27 years next June.)
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-08-03 01:34, Michael Baker wrote:
Older native Americans have mystical powers.



I remember a "Forever Knight" episode that played off of this. Knight was investigating the death of a Native American and had to enter "the spirit world," the elder shaman said something to the effect of; "As you enter the spirit world, you will see all that is and will be. And when you see Running Deer, remind him that he owes me five bucks!"
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-08-03 10:01, M. Perk wrote:
If you are exploring a planet with Captain Kirk, Sulu, Dr McCoy, or Mr. Spock, guess who's not coming back?


You might make it back if there's more than one unimportant person and you're _not_ the one wearing red!
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-08-03 14:27, Dr_Stephen_Midnight wrote:
Lon Chaney Sr. approved Lon Jr's acting career from his death bed.


...and agreed with the name change from "Creighton" to "Lon Jr."

(Who the Hell names their child "Creighton"?)
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-08-04 01:00, jwilder wrote:
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.


Read "The Last Hero," by Terry Pratchett. They actually go into the "Hero's Code."
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2004-08-05 00:55, Michael Baker wrote:
The vampire's coffin is always found moments before he is due to return at dawn.


...or wake at sundown.
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
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