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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Your Magician Might be a redneck if: (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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WR
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Utah
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To go along with You might be a magician if...here is another one we put together.

Your Magician Might be a redneck if;

- His back ground music is a Hank Williams tune
- He had a spit cup on stage.
- His favorite trick is "Pull my finger."
- He has a Copenhagen ring on the back of his tux pants.
- People accuse him of lying through his tooth.
- Instead of live animals, he uses road kill.
- Most of his equipment is made from road cones and spools.
- His assistant is wearing cut offs and a halter top.
- Instead of a rabbit, he pulls a opossum out of his hat
- All of his cards say Coors or Budweiser on the back.
- Uses a Chain saw to cut a lady in half.
- His parole officer is in the audience.
- Instead of a milk can escape he uses a keg.
- He is billed as Bubba the Great.
- He does the bullet catch with a sawed off shot gun.
- Instead of a rope escape he uses duct tape.
- His stomach hangs 5 inches over his belt.
- For a grand finale he pulls a rabbit from behind his belt buckle.
- All of his props are painted primer gray.
- His top hat says John Deer on the front.
- All his magic supplies are from the dollar store.
- His zippers don't have teeth either.
- His big escape is from a sleeper hold.
- Uses a stuffed deer head at least twice in him act.
- He has Houdini tattooed on his arm.
- If his big debut show was the prison rodeo.
- If, for his grand finale, he levitates the rear end of a beat up '75 Camaro to the proper height for "cruising"
- If he uses the word "supposably" in his patter
- His card to wallet has a chain on it
- If he refers to the other side of the stage as "yonder"
- If his two assistants are Daryl and his other brother Daryl
- His exit theme is the music from the end of the Beverly Hillbillies, "Ya'll come back now,Y'hear"
-His tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise
-He has a Bud Light pool table light hanging over his table
-He has STP stickers on his magic table
-He steals Toilet paper from the restroom before the show
-He takes beer and jerky as payment for a show
-If he has ever done a show at the Waffle House
-If he dips snuff during his show
- His Shirt has no sleeves.
- He keeps saying "this one I learned in the Joint."
- He has him mother as an assistant and callers her honey.
- He is in a hurry "Cus' I gotta get home fer wresting."
- He says "I got dis one outta Outdoor Life."
- He smokes during the entire show
- He has a can of "Bud" on his platform.
- He has ever eaten one of his Doves or Rabbits
- He thinks sleeving is something you do when you have a cold
- He thinks he has to disrobe to do a stripper deck
- He looses a thumb tip wile picking his nose
- He thinks the Vernon Chronicles is a PBS special
- He thinks the square circle is a good ol' boy's bar
- He thinks the mis-made flag is something Betsy Ross Did stoned
- He thinks Twisted Sister is some girls he used to know
- He thinks the Needle through the Arm is something done by a clumsy Seamstress
- He thinks an egg bag is an old lady who raises chickens
- He thinks a false cut is a noise made under your arm pit using your hand
- He thinks Copper & Silver was an episode of America's most wanted
- He says that the Multiplying Rabbits is just an act of nature
- He Thinks the French Arm chopperis something he saw on home shopping network for $19.99
- He thinks Bro. John Hamman might be the name of the guy who plays the organ in church on Sundays...
- If he has ever doubled the tail gate of your truck as a close up table/wet bar.
- If he has ever vanished a coin into a bandana that was previously wrapped around your head and covered with a cowboy hat.
- If you have ever performed shot glass surprise repeatedly until you amazingly vanish your dignity and or consciousness.
- If he has ever opened for a Hank Williams Jr concert.
- If the coin He pulled out of your ear was sticky
- If he has blown your nose on his silks
- He broke your arm doing the Arm twisting illusion
- He pulls road kill out of a hat
- He can't perform card to wallet because the chain is too short.
- He can't do a book test because he doesn’t know how to read "them big ol' words."
- He does a spirit box effect using an Out House.
- He does multiplying Rocky Mt. Oysters.

WR
"Tell Em WR sent Ya."
ed rhodes
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Rhode Island
2755 Posts

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Quote:
On 2004-09-01 12:05, WR wrote:
To go along with You might be a magician if...here is another one we put together.

Your Magician Might be a redneck if;



He makes a car appear on stage... and it's on blocks!
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
Rob Johnston
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Utah
2060 Posts

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Torn and Restored Mullett?
"Genius is another word for magic, and the whole point of magic is that it is inexplicable." - Margot Fonteyn
amadrigal
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Bolingbrook IL
79 Posts

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On 2004-09-01 12:05, WR wrote:
To go along with You might be a magician if...here is another one we put together.

Your Magician Might be a redneck if;
-------------------------------------------------------
His silks double as a gas cap.
His tux is made by Carhart
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972)
Bob Sanders
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Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
20517 Posts

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A double lift is puttin' the truck up two blocks high.

His Idea of box magic is Chicken to Mule.

His favorite money trick is dollar bill in a tater.

He thinks PH.D. stands for Post Hole Digger.

He thinks a handkerchief pull requires a team of mules.

Went to the hardware store to learn how to pick a card

Thought a Zig-Zag was a Cigarette paper (Oops! Viet Nam)

Produced the doves and rabbit fried

Thinks running moonshine is drivers' ed

Voted twice last time so he won't have to go back

Can tell a Revenuer from a Game Warden by running speed

Knows which side of the road to hunt road kill after a full moon

Buys ammunition before every wedding

NASA is just a fad; NASCAR is here forever

If he asks you to clap to the banjo music during his routine

Gotta quit and slop the hogs. See ya later!


Bob
Bubba Whodini
Bubba@AmazedWiz.com
Home of the Cut and restored Water melon
There's a possum in your future!
Bob Sanders

Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz

AmazedWiz@Yahoo.com
amadrigal
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Bolingbrook IL
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Your balloon animals have tabacco spit in them Smile
You use spit cups and balls Smile
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972)
Phil Thomas
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Newark, Ohio
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If he classic palms coins while taking a poop Smile
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
Julie
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...if his pea can is real! Smile
WR
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Utah
945 Posts

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HAHAHA!! thanks for The additional ones.
WR
"Tell Em WR sent Ya."
Phil Thomas
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Newark, Ohio
1117 Posts

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If he has ever produced a dove and then shot it.
If his magic wand is a socket wrench.
Instead of pulling a rabbit out of a top hat, he pulls a possum out of a John Deer Hat.
His metamorphosis trunk is an old bath tub.
He thinks "palming" will make you go blind. Smile
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
DamienT98
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London UK now live in Austin Tx
180 Posts

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He introduces his magic assitant as his sister and then refers to her later on in the evening as "mom".
Scruffy the Clown
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Coldwater,MI
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His substitution trunk is '73 gremlin.
RonCalhoun
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Independence, KY USA
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Hey guys, I doubt if most of you know this buy what your doing is often called "brainstorming". Go back and look over this post. I bet you can find 10 to 15 great ideas for a magic show presented at a county or state fair.
Slim Price
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1935 - 2006
1326 Posts

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A double lift is puttin' the truck up two blocks high.

His Idea of box magic is Chicken to Mule.

His favorite money trick is dollar bill in a tater.

He thinks PH.D. stands for Post Hole Digger.

He thinks a handkerchief pull requires a team of mules.

Went to the hardware store to learn how to pick a card

Thought a Zig-Zag was a Cigarette paper (Oops! Viet Nam)

Produced the doves and rabbit fried

Thinks running moonshine is drivers' ed

Voted twice last time so he won't have to go back

Can tell a Revenuer from a Game Warden by running speed

Knows which side of the road to hunt road kill after a full moon

Buys ammunition before every wedding

NASA is just a fad; NASCAR is here forever

If he asks you to clap to the banjo music during his routine

Gotta quit and slop the hogs. See ya later!
sanscan@tds.net



"I will never bitter be, as long as I can laugh at me!"



"The people who were dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music"
Margarette
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Memphis area
956 Posts

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A keg escape.....hey, that gives me an idea!!! I can identify with Gretchen Wilson!

Margarette
The only stupid question is the one not asked.
andrew martin
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LOL!!!
Very funny WR
And others

WR may I use some of them??
WhiteAngel
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West Virginia, USA
269 Posts

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Ahem, I'm from West Virgiania, home of the rednecks, lol. I like this one really well:

His favorite money trick is dollar bill in a tater. Oh yeah, and the keg escape was first preformed by my granny, lol.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
MDS
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USA
528 Posts

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These are great.

"your magician might be a redneck if, he has a show that is mobile and six vans that aren't.
Matthew David Stanley,
Comedy Magician
matthew@matthewdavidstanley.com
www.matthewdavidstanley.com
RonCalhoun
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Independence, KY USA
597 Posts

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How do you get a redneck magician off your front porch?






...pay for the pizza.
MB!
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Quote:
On 2004-10-19 08:36, Scruffy the Clown wrote:
His substitution trunk is '73 gremlin.

Hey I own one of them...
MB!
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