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paulajayne
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London England
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-Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
-Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
-Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
-Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
-Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.
-Only in Britain... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.
-Only in Britain... are there handicap-parking places in front of a skating rink.

>3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
>142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
>58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
>31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
>19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
>British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
>101 people since 1999 had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
>18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
>A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
>5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

And finally.........

>In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.
Paula Jay - Magic to Remember -
---------------------------------
I once wrote a book on elephants, I think paper would have been better.
----
Doug Higley
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V.I.P.
Here and There
7173 Posts

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All of the above (except the numbers of victims) can be said of the US as well. All of it.

I looked to my Brit Ancestors in the West Midlands for the only sense I had...guess I'll change that line of thinking!
:)

Doug
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
Flec
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Birmingham, UK
585 Posts

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Hehe made me chuckle
Scruffy the Clown
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Coldwater,MI
233 Posts

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Very humourus.

I've seen the same one for us "Yanks", but it applies to those of us on the other side of the pond as well.
Steve James
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333 Posts

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Yep, very proud because we had Tommy Cooper!
Steve,
Spoon Jar,Jar Spoon.
k
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Marseille
282 Posts

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What do you call someone that can speak 3 languages? A trilingual.
2 langages? A bilingual.
1 language? An English...

Can be performed to almost all English natives....
I'm just a blind Con that lost his I...
remember, Magic's everywhere... ("Your are the magic !" - Albert Goshman)

"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple. On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux" St-Exupéry
Regan
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U.S.A.
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Paula,

As Doug said, that sounds like Americans too. I guess that is proof that our ancestors were British.

Regan
Mister Mystery
The Mighty Fool
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I feel like a big-top tent having
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Hello!!! Ah...last time I checked, both of us (U.S. & U.K.) are, you know sort of...world-class ecenomic military & nuclear powers? Between our 2 countries we have the strongest currency in the world, a global empire (both past & present), more nobel prizes than the 3 runner-up nations all combined, more olympic gold medals than any 2 other nations, our language dominates 2 continents (N.America & Australia) which is 2 MORE than any other language, inventions include(in chronological order) crop-rotation, the coke smelter, the steel plow, the telephone, the electric light, the tank, the airplane, the liquid-fuel rocket, and the computer.

This may sound pompous, but the fact is, WE don't NEED to know their languages....THEY need to know OURS!
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
redbull
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Now I remember why we American's left.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth?? wow.

Troy
Wolflock
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South Africa
2257 Posts

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Um...er... I think our stats are a bit worse.
*Wolf hangs his head in shame*
Wolflock
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South Africa
RJE
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Hey Mighty Fool, you might want to check your facts. The strongest currency would probably be the Euro. The Wright brothers did not invent flight, they were just another link in the chain toward modern flight and they based their ideas on Octave Chanute's ideas who got his ideas from....Do you mean Canada's Graham Bell for the telephone inventor? The rocket was invented by Nazi scientists during WWII and finally, just for the heck of it, not everyone thinks being imperialistic is such a good thing.

Anyway, all in fun and nobody gets hurt.

Cheers, RJE
magicgeorge
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Belfast
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Graham Bell didn't invent the telephone, anyhow, he nicked it off an Italian who couldn't afford to register it.
The Donster
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Gee evreyone was stealing back then to Yikes
Wards Back
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Baker's Acres, Ca
83 Posts

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Magicgeorge:

Yeah, and the Italians nicked 'pasta' off the Chinese.

/of course without marinara, its only just noodles.
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Smile

Chris.
RJE
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Ah yes, but who invented the left handed pencil and can you push it through the paper currency of your choice without leaving a hole????Hmmmmm??
Wards Back
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Baker's Acres, Ca
83 Posts

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Definition of heaven & Hell:

HEAVEN:

British are the Police,
Germans are the Mechanics,
French are the Chefs,
Italians are the Lovers,
Swiss are the Bankers.

HELL:

British are the Chefs,
Germans are the Police,
French are the Mechanics,
Italians are the Bankers,
Swiss are the Lovers.

/all in good fun don'tcha know! Smile
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Smile

Chris.
Wolflock
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South Africa
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HELL!!!

South Africans are chefs
South Africans are police
South Africans are Mechanics
South Africans are Bankers
South Africans are Lovers

*Wolf still hangs his head in shame*
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
The Donster
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Yay It's Proud to be a Brit.
bobser
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All of 'paulajayne's' stuff is true.
However in 1990 it took an American to be the only on either side of 'the pond' to visit the hospital three times in the same year with gerbil problems. Rumour has it he was both an officer and a gentleman.
Bob Burns is the creator of The Swan.
Wolflock
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South Africa
2257 Posts

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*Sigh*

Nothing good to Say
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
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