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The Donster
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Gerbil Problems I hope its not Contagious.
RJE
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The infamous Gerbil trick! Apparently, the vanish was the easy part, it was the reappearance that wasn't well rehearsed. Nasty, some would say it stinks. I'd say I'm embarassed to even know what you're talking about. hahaha
Mario Morris
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Hi Paula, Steve did you know that Tommy Cooper was born in Wales, British and Welsh with it, born in Caerphilly he was.

I am proud to be Welsh. Don't get me wroung I love Brittan, Empty Coal Mines, Queen, Torries I meant Labour, Cold, Wet, Tax, Tax, Tax, I love Brittan but when the last one leaves can they turn off the lights.

I`ve always been unlucky. I had a rocking horse once and it died.

*"Someone actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windscreen. It said: "PARKING FINE."

*I Went to the Dentist. He said say aaah."
I said: "why?" He said: "My dog`s died."

I went to the doctor. He said: You`ve got a very serious illness." I said; "I want a second opinion." He said, "All right, you`re very ugly as well."

Mmmmmmm, UK, the next time I trip up on rubbish from a Curry house, all catch some guy peeing on my front door, I mean Brittan what is good about this hole, FISH AND CHIPS AND REAL BEAR.

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does that taste funny to you?"

Mario
Daniel Faith
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Don your not a Brit. Whatcha talkin bout boy.

You know it's funny because I have seen this same list getting sent around here in the states but British is changed to American.
Daniel Faith
Wolflock
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Gerbils. I will rather leave those with fetishes to themselves and their poor pets. Gives new meaning to loving your pet. I know stories about more than just Gerbils let me tell you.
Wolflock
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Wards Back
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Well us 'Yanks' do a lot of silly things too.

Examples:

Why do we drive in a parkway, but park in a driveway?

Why do we put locks on the doors of 24-hour convenience stores?

/btw, the Richard Gere/gerbil thing is an urban legend; see Snopes.com.
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Smile

Chris.
Wolflock
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True Fact. I was told by a Policeman about three weeks ago about a woman they arrested for shoplifting an iron. don't ask where she hid it, but they could not get it out without surgery. Not a good visual Image. *Shudder*

Regards
Wolflock
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The Mighty Fool
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Did you hear about the cannibal who passed someone in the woods?

Anyhoo, to be a bit more specific, the Wright Bros. invented POWERED flight. There were several ballon flights and glider flights beforehand. The Italian's invention of the radio lead to the rumor that they also invented the phone, but there isn't much past heresay for that. The Euro is stronger than either the dollar or the pound (though the pound isn't off by much) but if the two were ever combined the result would be stronger. Therefore, in theory, the UK can continue to defy the 'join-or-else' tactics of the EU as long as it has a currency advantage with the US and Canada. Whenever someone does or invents something, especially if it was long ago, everyone or every nation which dosent particularly like that person or the nation he belongs to tries their darndest to belittle the accomplishment with all sorts of wacky conspiracy / revisionist history theories which don't prove anything, yet can't themselves be DIS-proven, as theyre only theories. If we were to accept every half-baked consptheory which was out there......

-->The Africans discovered&/developed crop-rotation, steel, higher-geometrey, PI, irrigation, democracy, the catapult, and atomic theory....which the Europeans somehow beat out of them when they were enslaved
-->John F. Kenedey was shot by no less than 7 people, working for 16 different countries & organizations, from 88 different locations.
-->Jesus was 1/8 african, 1/8 chineese, 1/8 Egyptian, 1/8 Russian, 1/8 Hebrew, 1/8 Assyrian, and 1/4 Indian.
-->The Chinese discovered America in the 13th century
-->The battles of Hastings and Tours never took place. The Normans acquired England via treaty, and the Muslims simply found France to be too darn cold, so they turned back.
-->The Japanese invented the Atomic-bomb, but they couldn't get anyone to fly the mission to drop it on anything. (I guess they were out of Kamikaze pilots)

BTW....why did Kamikaze pilots wear HELMETS???
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
Wolflock
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And safety belts in the cockpit?
Wolflock
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Mario Morris
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I am Proud to be British, but you Yanks seem bent on the idea that you got to go one better than us. (That is us the British, not us, as in US)

This is Hardily a race to the moon. I mean how many times do we need to be told *the same can be said for the Americans.*

Do you guys feel left out? All is there no stone you can not leave unturned on your quest for world Rule?

I mean if you Yanks want us Brits to bend the knee (again)and crown you the most absurd country in the world, well don't worry we all ready know.

God Save The Queen! (or at least Wales)
lol Mario
P.S I put lol there just in case you yanks did not know that I was joking, because the Brits have got the best sense of humor in the World.
The Mighty Fool
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Hey....the UK certainly isn't in a position to talk down to the US for what's widely percieved as our 'empire-building'. Who the heck do you think we picked that trait up from? (learned from the master you might say) While all the other insecure European countries, huddling together in their little club (the EU) wail, moan, point fingers and scream at the US's "world-domination attempt", Britain just sits there, shaking it's head as if to say "Been there....done that." Well, let me alleviate everyone's fears...the US does NOT want to conquer the world. I fail to see why ANYONE would want to. Do you have any conception of the HEADACHE it would be to rule the planet?? The power bills alone...! So if no one conquers it, will the world ever simply unite of it's own accord? Here's what to do if you'd like to see global unification: Forget it. That is so mind-paralyzingly impossible it's not even funny. No one will ever unite a world with 183 languages, 345 religions, 19867 conflicting civil laws /codes, 34988 fetishes, and 2344 brands of beer.
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
Mario Morris
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You may want to let Bush know about that, he has been left in the dark (again).

Indecently the EU (little) is the biggest unification of political power in the world and it is growing, collectively these insecure European countries has more military clout than any other union in the World. (I fear EU) The ball is rolling to think we went to war to prevent this.

It does appear that the race really is on. I suggest that we start to learn to speak French or German it may soon become compulsorily.

Mind you ordering Fish and Chips with a French accent will never sound right. My last thought, it is good to laugh in all situations, laugh or weep, or better still laugh with tears of a clown.

God Save The Queen! (or at least Wales)
Mario
The Mighty Fool
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Fear the EU??? What are they gonna do...ANNOY us to death? Collectively, yes these EU nations have "more millitary clout than any other UNION in the world".....but there are some SINGLE NATIONS like China, India and Russia, which would still outstrip them, and they would only be about 30% bigger than our (the US) armed forces. Also, that's IF they acted collectively, and that's one B-I-G 'if'. They have no central standing army, nor do I think they'd ever be able to decide on which nationality would command it if there was one. You can have all the ecenomic & trading clout in the world (look at OPEC), but if you can't beat people up (or at least defend YOURSELF) no one's going to take you seriously.
"You'll get better results with a kind word and a gun than you will get with just a kind word"
"It will be interesting to see how long the meek can keep the Earth once they've inherited it"
"America is unique among nations, in that it seems to have gone straight from barbarism to depravity...skipping over the phase of civilization which usually comes in between."
"George W. Bush is pusing 60, and he has access to the biggest Nuclear arsenal on Earth. My Grandpa is 60, and we don't even let him play with the T.V. remote."

Sleep tight
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
Mario Morris
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(Tommy Cooper)
I went to the doctors. He said: I like you to lie on the couch. I said, what for? He said, I want to sweep the floor.
Mario
The Mighty Fool
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Things you don't want to hear on a crowded elevator
-->Does this look infected to you?
-->You know, the aucustics of this elevator are perfect for yodelling.
-->That nice Arabian gentleman asked me to bring this package to the top floor! It must be some kind of clock!
-->(on a celphone) Hello, emergency 911......yes, I'll hold.
-->I can't beleive all I've eaten all day today is dark beer & chocolate milk!
-->Hey! Check it out! Every time I hit a number on my cel-phone, the lights in here flicker!
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
Wolflock
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What did he mean by the last cable thread might hold?

Wow! I did not know elevators came with see through floors.

Was that sound normal?

OH NO! This reminds me of my padded room! I only just escaped from there.
Wolflock
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Mario Morris
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Mario Morris
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All I am going to say is
GOD SAVE US!
Mario
Partizan
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As a proud brit I will say this. as the british empire was dissolved the financial burden has fallen onto the people.
We are now amongst the most financially oppressed peoples on this planet. That is why the £ is doing well.

A united planet would require a mass human cull.
"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
- Mark Twain
Wolflock
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Destroy the Humans!!!!!!!!!!
Wolflock
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