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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Answering machine (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

paulajayne
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Inner circle
London England
1160 Posts

Profile of paulajayne
Answering Machine at a Mental Hospital...

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you."

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.


Paula
Paula Jay - Magic to Remember -
---------------------------------
I once wrote a book on elephants, I think paper would have been better.
----
Slim King
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Eternal Order
Orlando
17522 Posts

Profile of Slim King
Pretty Funny! Did you write that?
Dave
THE MAN THE SKEPTICS REFUSE TO TEST FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS.. The Worlds Foremost Authority on Houdini's Life after Death.....
Alym Amlani
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Inner circle
Canada
1465 Posts

Profile of Alym Amlani
I've seen that before - and it's still funny!
There are some great answering machine bits floating around if you look for em.
Logic Defied
paulajayne
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Inner circle
London England
1160 Posts

Profile of paulajayne
Quote:
On 2004-09-29 00:26, Slim King wrote:
Pretty Funny! Did you write that?
Dave


No I wish I had - a friend sent it to me.

Paula
Paula Jay - Magic to Remember -
---------------------------------
I once wrote a book on elephants, I think paper would have been better.
----
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