When I was in Florida somebody ask me:

"Do you know why storms are named after women?"

"Because when they arrive are wets and wilds and when they get out they take from you the house and the car!"
Magically,
Paolo Venturini
http://www.jokermagicweb.com

How can you tell if a blonde has any brains look in one ear and point the flash light in the other ear and turn it on.

Posted: Nov 12, 2005 6:11pm
What do you get when you play country music backwards, you get your wife back you get your house back you get your kids back you get your car back and so on.

What's the difference between a Jewish Mother and a Rottweiler?

Eventually the Rottweiler lets go!

What do you call a rabbi from western Canada?
The Alberta Clipper.....

What does a blonde say after sex?

"Are you two brothers?"

Posted: Nov 13, 2005 10:46am
Quote:

On 2005-11-12 17:24, The Mirror Images wrote:
The First to finish WINS!!

http://kelabsenang.com/power/images/zoom......tar2.jpg

Michael

Holy smokes! I don't know which is bigger. The burger or the guy!

In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO". ...

Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like
you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was
wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees."
"It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about #%&%&ing. What I would
like to know is how to make lasagna."

OLD PILOTS never die, they just take off.

OLD PLUMBERS never die, they just smell that way....

On a very windy day an old lady was standing on a corner hanging on to her hat with both hands while the wind blew her dress up around her face.

A dignified southern gentleman went up to her and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around and exposing yourself while you hold your hat!"

She said, "Look, everything down there is 80 years old. This is a new hat!"

Q: How do you make four old ladies swear?
A: Get a fifth one to yell "BINGO!" ...

Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago. He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his
plane ticket on top of his dresser.

He turned around and headed back to the house. He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen. He saw his wife
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.

She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out,
and squeezed her left #$@%.

"Leave only one quart of milk," she said. "Jon won't be here for
breakfast tomorrow."

Posted: Nov 14, 2005 7:31pm
Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband,
John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend,
Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out
the window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out the
window and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raining
like hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches us
in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed
his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside
he found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so he
started running along side the others -- only he was still in
the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm.

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels so
free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."

The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?"

Ralph answered breathlessly: "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed
at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

The runner then asked: "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."

Posted: Nov 14, 2005 9:23pm
Q: What are two reasons women don't mind their own business?

1. No mind
2. No business.

Posted: Nov 15, 2005 6:11am
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a #%$#@ in their countries.

The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering.

The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side.

The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act.

With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth...

The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
Never take laxatives and sleeping pills together......

Kid : mom, how did I end up here?
mom : the birdie dropped you here
Kid : mom, how did my sister end up here?
mom : we found her in a cabbage.
kid : you didn't know how to f**** in the old days?

Moe: Is a man's home his castle?
Joe: In a manor of speaking.

Max: Give it to me straight Doc. How am I doing?
Doc: Not so good I'm afraid. You have only ten left to live.
Max: Ten what, for heaven's sake? Ten weeks? Ten months? Ten years?
Doc: Nine...eight...

How does a politician sleep?
First he lies on one side and then he lies on the other.

Wacky Defs: Zebra: The largest bra in creation!

Two penuts walk into a bar.....one was assulted
Hey, you guys asked for a corny joke.
I doubt this post will ever end

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word?

Have the fifth one yell.... BINGO!

A man goes to a Psychologist and tells the Doc I'm having a hard time picking up girls and they just don't want to go out with me can you help me.

Doc: I'll try, walk to the end of the room, take off all your clothes then face the wall then bend down as far as you can then look between your legs.

Man: ok, then does what the Doc tells him.

Doc gets up and check out the situation for awhile.

Doc: I know that your problem is.

Man: well Doc whats my problem.

Doc: you have zackly.

Man: what do you mean by zackly tell me in laymen terms.

Doc: well your face looks exactly like your ass.

A manager of a restaurant had called its owner to ask
about whether or not she should hire a new waitress.
"She can speak twelve different languages, which will
be good for foreign visitors," said the manager.
"All right, so hire her," the owner replied."But, sir..."
"I knew there would be a but. What's wrong with her?"
"Sir, English isn't one of the twelve languages."

Save a plant...eat a deer

Sacred cows make the best burgers...

"I am a vegetarian not because I love animals, but because I hate plants"

cant remember who said this!