Oh nothing certain, just was messing around. There are some good ones in here. LMAO at some of them. I was just farting around with that post.

Where do lumber jacks go to buy things? To the chopping mall.

And the computer takes a Mega-Byte out of the Micro-Chip

Sign posted on the broken front door of a church:
All members for the low esteem lecture please use the back door.

What does a talkative mouse have for lunch? Chatter cheese.

What do cows read to their calves at night? Dairy tales!

What's green, red, and yellow, lives in a hole, and catches rocks?

A green, red, and yellow rock catcher!

Two panda bears are in the bathtub. One says to the other, "hand me the soap" The other replies, "What do I look like, a typewriter!"

*BEEP*

Hello, and welcome to the 24-hour psychiatric hotline, please choose from the following options.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

If you are manic-depressed, it dosent matter what number you push....no one wants to talk to you

If you are Schcizophrenic, press 2, or 3, or 4.

If you are narcissistic, hang up...you don't need any help!

If you are paranoid, we know who you are & what you're up to...stay on the line so we can trace the call!

What do you get when a smurf bends over a blue moon.

*Wolfock hangs himself*

You are what you eat?? That means I am fast, cheap and easy!

Wolfie I'm sure the Girls love you for that.

A blond was headed for serious financial problems, so she prayed, "Please Lord, let me win the lottery". The next day the numbers were announced and she didn't win.

Things got so bad for the blond that if she didn't come up with the money the bank would repossess her car. Again she prayed, "Oh please Lord, I really need to win the lottery to keep my car!". The winning numbers were announced, again she didn't win.

Going from bad to worse, she now was about to have the mortgage company foreclose on her house. Praying again she pleded, "Lord I never asked for much, but this is one time I really, really need to win the lottery or I'm going to lose my house!". After a moment of prayerful silence, a loud booming voice was heard from overhead which said, "BUY A TICKET!".


Moral: Do we always do everything we can in order to enable our prayers to be answered? (even if it's not a winning lottery ticket) Contributed with the intent to be something other than a "corny joke".

Now that we had the Lamest Jokes. What is the Funniest Joke you Ever Heard ?

Guy goes to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. Dentist is about to give him novacaine, but the guy says. "I don't need that. I've enever felt pain in my life."

Dentist says "Oh, really?"

Guy says "yup" "Well, on second thought, I did feel pain a couple times."

Dentist says "When?"

Guy says "Well, I was out in the woods hunting bear, and I was hot, so I stripped down naked, and sat on a tree stump and waited." "I fell asleep, and my ***** fell into the bear trap." "That hurt REAL bad."

Dentist says. "Yeah. So when was the SECOND time?

Guy says "When I reached the end of that CHAIN."

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

They say a million monkeys on a million typewriters could write the works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the internet, we know they're wrong.

I love watching the kids in the school yard run around, yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm just using blanks.

I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "OK lady, take your purse."

I think a really sad story would be about a clown who was always smiling on the outside, but crying on the inside. Also, he would have severe diarrhea.

I can imagine a world with no war, no crime, and no hate. And I can picture us kicking the hell out of that place, 'cause they would never see it coming!

Would we cut down trees if they could scream? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no reason.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

- VR

Hear about the pencil that broke it's lead? Nevermind, it's pointless.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car accident? He's all right now.

- VR

I get no respect. A beautiful woman called me the other night. She said "Come on over, there's nobody home." "I went over. There was nobody home!"

I'm at a loss here yikes. how many stamps does it take to send a e-mail.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you’re hungry again.

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

- VR

I had a nitemare last night....My wife and Cindy Crawford fought over me....My wife won......