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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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daffydoug
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The Wonderful Thing About Tiggers

Q: Why doesn't Tigger have any friends?
A: Well, you wouldn't have many friends either if you played with Pooh...
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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A man walks into a butcher's shop and inquires of the butcher: "Are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says "Yes", so the man said: "I bet you $50 that you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging on the hooks up there."
The butcher says "I'm not betting on that."
"But I thought you were a gambling man" the man retorts.
"Yes I am" says the butcher "but the steaks are too high."....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
pkg
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The City of Ithobaal I son of Hiram I
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An oldie...

why did the african-american woman shoot santa claus?

she thought he was calling her " ho ho ho " Smile

Posted: Dec 17, 2005 1:28pm
"Satan, Satan... Santa. They're the same letters, They're the same guy! "

from the movie "detroit rock city".
Double posters should be shot!

No really!!
Bill Ligon
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If football players get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missile-toe!
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daffydoug
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When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said
she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have
waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled
with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write "I will not run
a red light..I will not run a red light..I will not run a red light five hundred times!!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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Let's watch A Christmas Carol.....
A Christmas Carol? What the Dickens are you talking about?...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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A guy is getting it on with a great looking blonde.
The girl asks, "You haven't got AIDS have you?"
He replies, "No."
She responds, "Oh, thank heavens for that!!
I don't want to get that again...!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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Did you hear about the boarding house that blew up?
Roomers are still flying.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places"

The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club,
Police are looking into it.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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("Bird" is an English Term equivalent to "Chick", and "tight" is
equivalent to "cheap")
You never would have guessed that, right?

With those facts in mind.....

This bloke walks into a bar with an ostrich and cat. They all sit down
at a table and the man goes to the bar and says, "A pint of Bitter for
myself, a Gin &Tonic for the ostrich and a Scotch for the cat".

The Barman is a little perplexed but serves the drinks anyway.

Sometime later the ostrich goes to the bar and says, "A G&T for
myself, a pint of bitter for the guv'nor and a whisky for the cat."

The barman is even more bemused but still serves the drinks.

This goes on all evening with the man and the ostrich alternately
buying rounds of drinks, but the cat never does. By the end of the
evening the barman asks the man, "Look, whats the story? I have to
know, why do you have an ostrich and a cat? And how come the cat never
buys a round?"

"Well it's quite a story," says the man. "I was walking down the road
one day when I found a bottle. I uncorked this bottle and Genie came
out and said, `Oh thank you for releasing me, oh Master, what is your
heart's desire? Tell me and it shall be yours.'

"So I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight ******."
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other.
Apparently the crew were marooned.

What is Mary short for?
She has no legs.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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A farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls
have fallen on sad days. He's letting them hang around for old
times' sake.

The minute the new bull is put into the pasture,
he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of
the old bulls starts to paw the ground and snort. The other asks,
"Why are you doing that?"

The old bull answers, "I don't want him to think I'm one of those cows!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Bill Ligon
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A farmer brought home a new young rooster. As soon as the young rooster saw the old rooster, he trotted up to him and said, "Ok, Pops. I'm the new rooster here, and I'm taking over. Just step aside, Gramps, and let me handle the hens from now on."

The older rooster replied, "Hold on a minute, youngster. You gotta prove yourself, first! I'm not stepping aside until you prove to me you are capable of running things. I'll tell ya what, young fella, I'll race ya to the henhouse and the first one there wins and takes over. How about that?"

The young rooster says, "Yeah, sure. I can beat an old guy like you, no problem. I won't have a bit of a problem."

" In that case, how about giving me a ten foot head start?" says the old rooster.

"Sure thing, no problem," says the younger of the two, not wanting to look like he lacks confidence.

So, the two take off running, with the older rooster ten feet ahead of the other. All of a sudden a shotgun blast blows the young rooster to smithereens.

The farmer turns to his wife and says, "Gol Dang, Martha! That's the third gay rooster I bought this month!"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
daffydoug
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Ha ha ha ha ha!!! That's a good one!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Bill Ligon
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One beautiful december evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon when Huan Cho said, "Hey, Baby, Let's play Wee Wee Chu!"

"Oh, no. Not now. Let's just look at the moon." said Jung Lee.

"Oh, c'mon, Baby, lets you and I play Wee Wee Chu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I'd rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please, Jung Lee, just once play Wee Wee Chu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, " Ok. We'll play Wee Wee Chu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang: "Wee wee chu a merry Christmas, wee wee chu a merry Christmas, wee wee chu a merry Christmas and happy New Year."
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
daffydoug
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A blonde was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and
besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied
something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she
fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check
stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes
enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing
in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly
go wrong?

At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the
car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the hood
and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a darn
clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with
her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait
saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be
the matter?

The blonde replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the
engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"

"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do
I have to do that?
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked:
"I want to buy this material for a dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard" replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk
quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing
beside her, "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
itshim
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Why did the blonde climb the mesh fence?

To see the other side.

Nigel
I knew a man who kept saying "pliers, pincers, scissors". He was speaking in tongs.

www.itshim.co.uk
magicguy67
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Wow n64 pages..oh yea the joke.Uhhhhhh,chicken with no head,a no head chicken.
they thought it was impossible until they met me.

theres no reality in magic

did the magician come before the assistant or the other way around.
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