Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Actual newspaper headlines:

Deer Kill 17,000.......

New Vaccine To Contain Rabies..............

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge..........

Bridge Held Up By Red Tape........

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks......

Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told......

British Left Waffles on Falklands........

Schwarzenegger Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead......

A man and his wife were driving their RV across Florida and were nearing a town called Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it -- KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME?
They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a restaurant to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress; "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand?"
The woman looked at him and said; "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."


kOnO

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.....

COWPOKE & the movie Brokeback Mountain...make up you own joke.


kOnO

Two dogs are walking down the street, one says, "Wait a minute" and then crosses the road. He sniffs around a fire hydrant and returns. The other dog says, "What was that all about?" The first dog replies, "Just checking my messages!" ...

You know I need to loose a few pounds!

I'm going to the paint store!

I heard you can get THINNER there.

You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Pop. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"....

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

All of a sudden,he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say " nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer...

Posted: Mar 27, 2006 9:04am

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Resistance is futile (if < 1 ohm).

Why is the original text in a document called "copy"? ...

Ohm my gosh!

Bill, should I reply to that here or P OHM you?.... ...

Joseph,

Watt? Ask Henry Farad. That is, if you have the capacity, and no reluctance.

Currently, this thread if flowing up the wrong Coulomb.....

All those jokes sound the same, it's a pity since you have the opportunity to create a potential difference....

I may find the Power to Switch to something new....

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dick Cheney
Dick Chen,....
BLAM! BLAM!

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. ...

A Hindu mystic walks up to the hot dog vendor and says; "Make me one with everything!"

*****

After receiving and paying for his dog, the mystic then asks the vendor; "Where is my change?"

The vendor responds; "Change must come from within!"

The butcher backed into his meat grinder, and got a little behind in his work...

Posted: Apr 8, 2006 6:13pm

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There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" The doctor says, "It's Not Unusual."
Posted: Apr 12, 2006 8:38pm

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What is brown and lives in a bell tower? The lunch bag of Notre Dame.

Why do fire departments have Dalmatians? So they can find the hydrants.

I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing....