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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (5 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Dynamike
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What is a pot smokers favorite three letter word?





"ear" instead of "here".
joseph
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Schizophrenia beats dining alone...
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers...
“Push to test.” “Release to detonate.”...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Dynamike
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Please do not read this post.
joseph
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I won't...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Dynamike
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LOL
joseph
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I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Life is a ****ually transmitted, fatal disease…
If a lawyer and your mother-in-law were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go watch TV or just have a drink?...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Dynamike
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Cross your fingers. Cross your toes. Cross your nose. Cross your lips. Don't cross your eyes because you are suppose to dot them.
joseph
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Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.
There are three types of people in the world, those who can count and those who can’t...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Angel Freire
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2 are walking down the street when one of them was assaulted.(a salted)
Dam!said the fish as he swam into a cement wall.
A tomato ,lettuce and a faucet were having a race.Who won? The lettuce was a head ,the tomato was trying to ketchup, and the faucet is still running.

These are probably the corniest I've ever heard.
Angel
Ray Tupper.
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A man walks into his motherinlaws house to find his wife screaming and four masked men beating her mother up.
"Are you going to help",cries his wife,"No",says the man"I think four of them should be enough".
Ray.
What do we want?
A cure for tourettes!
When do we want it?
C*nt!
Neznarf
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Questions That Haunt Me:

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
Rizzo
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Why call is common sense when its so rare?
joseph
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Where there is a will, there are 500 relatives...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Rizzo
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Whats tastier: a rock from earth or a rock from the moon?
Rock from moon is a little meteor (meatier)
joseph
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Some poor Halloween humor:
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'll have a beer and a MOP!
What do witches put on their hair?
SCARE spray!
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A real PAIN in the neck!
Why aren’t ghosts arrested?
It's hard to PIN anything on them!
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no BODY to dance with!...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Neznarf
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Q: What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish
line?

A: I'm the wiener!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why don't bears wear socks?

A: Because they like to walk in their bear feet.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
Lash
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? Because it was too (two) tired.
joseph
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Games For The Elderly
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Sag, You're it
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical recliners...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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A sure sign of a misspent youth:
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An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer.

I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
stempleton
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Q: If you're American in your living room, what are you in your bathoom?

A: European

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