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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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The Donster
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Ok these two vultures are dragging a dead deer onto a plane. and a stewardess calls out excuse me but you can't bring that dead deer on this plane and the vultures turn around and say yes we can its carry-on.
13ofhearts
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Wow, there's a lot of stuff here. I'm reluctant to add to the maddness, but here goes.

Did you know, that if you take all the people who fall asleep in church and laid them end to end, they'd be much more comfortable.

And I read all 9 pages of this thing and can't believe I didn't see this one:

How do you get a magician off your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. --Groucho Marx
The Donster
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Ok Folks anyone have any Good Magician Jokes ?
joseph
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Magician invites spectator to whack him on head with 2 x 4...
He does, magician is rushed to hospital......
A week later, he wakes up, and says, "Ta-Da!".....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
juggler13
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A magician walks through a bar.
WhiteAngel
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How do you make the Masked Magician dissapear?

The bullet trick. Smile
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
Toasty
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Wales
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Why don't you drive four magicians of a cliff in a car?
You can fit a fifth in!
life is magical-in one way or another...
daffydoug
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Quote:
On 2005-01-19 02:32, 13ofhearts wrote:
Wow, there's a lot of stuff here. I'm reluctant to add to the maddness, but here goes.

Did you know, that if you take all the people who fall asleep in church and laid them end to end, they'd be much more comfortable.

And I read all 9 pages of this thing and can't believe I didn't see this one:

How do you get a magician off your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza.


Har har har!!!

Quote:
On 2005-01-19 11:52, WhiteAngel wrote:
How do you make the Masked Magician dissapear?

The bullet trick. Smile


I LIKE that one!

A lady is ice fishing. I (I don't think I'm allowed to say the blo**e word)

Any way, she is ice fishing, and all of a sudden she hears a big booming voice, (sounds like God) say "There is no fishing allowed here, you must get off the ice now."

She looks around, shrugs her shoulders, and continues ice fishing.

The voice comes again. only louder this time "Thee is NO fishing allowed, you must get off the ice now!" Again, she shrugs her shoulders, looks around and keeps on fishing.

The third time the voice is even louder "THERE IS NO FISHING ALLOWED, YOU MUST GET OFF THE ICE NOW!!!

She keeps right on fishing.

Next thing you know, some one is tapping her on the shoulder "Hey lady, there is no fishing here, and you gotta get off the ice now, the Hockey game starts in five minutes!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
CamelotFX
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"I just got back from Iowa."
"Dubuque?"
"Well, I was a little nauseated. Tomorrow I'm going to Ohio."
"Dayton?"
"Nah... business. My wife's visiting family in Prague."
"Czech?"
"No, I believe her. We were married in Moscow."
"Russian?"
"You bet! She was 8 months pregnant!"
kOnO
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What's the difference between a magician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.

kOnO

A man came to see my magic show.
After one especially amazing feat, the man from the back of the hall yelled, "How'd you do that?"

"I could tell you, sir", I replied, " But then I'd have to kill you."

After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then-just tell my wife!"

kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Tyler_Magician
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A somewhat funny joke-

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him why he has a steering wheel in his pants. The pirate replies,"Arr, they're driving me nuts."
-Tyler
Phil Thomas
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Oh dear lord.

A beautiful woman is sitting at the bar and motions for the bartender to come over. When he does, she seductively motions for him to move his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins running her fingers through his beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks. "No, I'm afraid not." replied the bartender. She then strokes his face very seductively and asks "Can you get him for me?" "I'm afraid he's not here tonight." replies the excited bartender. She then touches her fingers to his lips allowing the bartender to kiss and suck on them. "Then can you give him a message for me?" she asks. "Sure thing little lady. What is it?" She replies, "Please tell him there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies restroom."
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
k
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a ****!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you would let me go ****, you'd be a ten!"
I'm just a blind Con that lost his I...
remember, Magic's everywhere... ("Your are the magic !" - Albert Goshman)

"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple. On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux" St-Exupéry
kOnO
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TIM: "I must tell you, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Brenda: "How did it happen?"
Tim: "It was terrible, He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
Brenda: Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me, Did he at least go quickly?"
Tim: "Well, no, no he didn’t."
Brenda: "No?"
Tim: "No, Fact is, he got out three times to pee."


kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Patrick Differ
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What's the difference between a magician and a pizza?
A pizza has less cheese.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
kOnO
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Quote:
On 2005-01-20 09:53, Patrick Differ wrote:
What's the difference between a magician and a pizza?
A pizza has less cheese.


If you order you pizza with double cheese would they bring you a magician?

kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
bnadworn
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Western New York
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That is a Gouda one! Its not Blue so it can be told here. I'm going to my Cottage now but I'll Brie right back to spread some more humor on you. I see you Cheddar with anticipation. Don't worry, I'm not a Munster. Feel free to Colby any time on the phone. Please don't be Feta up with me. I know you like these.

- Jack from Monterey
"They say the hand is quicker than the eye but I won't believe it until I see it."
kOnO
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I SWISS you would'nt have said all that


kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
The Donster
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I'm sure he wasn't Yolking around Eather Smile
WhiteAngel
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That was as pleasent as Limburger.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
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