Two robins were lying on their backs, basking in the sun.
A mama cat and her kitten were walking by.

The kitten complained, "Mama, I'm soooo hungry, what can
we eat?"

To which the mama cat, spying the two birds, replied, "How
about some baskin' Robbins?"

More Huhs...

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? ...

I heard this one from Michael kent:

while touching the end of a pen he asks "what kind of pen is this?"

Answer: A felt tip pen

clever.

From a cruise ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man
on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he goes
nuts." ...

President Clinton and his wife are @ a baseball game, sitting in the sky-box.
Before the game started, one of the Secret Service agents leans over and whispers into the President's ear.

Then, Pres. Clinton stands up, grabs Hillary behind her neck and throws her over the
barrier, landing, motionless, on top of one of the dugouts.
After the President resumes his seat, the, same, Secret Service agent says: "No!!! No!!!, Mr. President. They want you to throw out the first PITCH!"

:)

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an
embarrassed woman said after a church service,
"when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep
ever since he was a child." ...

3 guys walk into a bar.........the fouth guy ducks

A sign posted in a Dentist's office said:

"Please be nice to our dentists. They have fillings too."...

Do you want to know how to leave out with a little lump some at casinos?














Bring in a big lump some.

Sign seen in a veterinarian’s office:
The doctor is in. Sit. Stay...

I went to a casino in a $50,000 hummer I came back in a $120,000 greyhound

If FedEx and Ups merged, would they call it Fed UP?..

Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."..

Okay..this takes some nerve but here goes..

Why is a drunken Capt Kirt on the Enterprise like a classic artist from the old days??

They're both "Too loose to trek"

Sorry...it's late night and I've been drinking again!!

But THANKS for the GOOD ones just befor this one!!

So I was getting into my car, and this man says to me
"Can you give me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."...

I now have TEN pages that I've written down of "the BEST" of the jokes on here (none of 'em are ones I posted!)....I'll be using these forever...well at age 59 "forever"..Hmmmmmmmm....

Anyway...will have FUN with 'em while I can...so you guys PLEASE keep posting!!

"If you could have a conversation with any magician, alive or dead, who would it be?"

"I'd have to say the living one."...

This "therapy" really works.....

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Dynamike. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right freaking number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a crazy moron!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'moron' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a crazy moron!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "moron calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a crazy moron!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me and gave me the finger. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first moron (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW moron, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're a moron!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two morons to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called Moron #1.

"Hello."

"You're a moron!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Moron, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, moron," and hung up.

Then I called Moron #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, moron," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your butt," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, moron, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my #1 enemy. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two morons beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really works!!!

(The names and addresses were changed.)

Apprentice: "Hey boss, what do I use to climb this high voltage antenna; this aluminum ladder or these insulated spike rubber boots?"

Boss: "The latter."...

Zap...

Joe was waiting for Shoot Ogawa's flight to arrive at the airport. George had a sign up reading "Shoot Ogawa." The police arrested George because the police though it was a clue to shoot Obama.

Things To Do In A Drive Through Lane:

Drive through backwards..

Walk through..

Belch your order..

Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane...