I got a book that I though would be an "easy read"...not to many pages.

Turned out it was all VERY fine print...written by a lawyer!

Not only that but was supposed to be "non fiction" but was it was all lies.

Two magicians walk into a grocery store.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."...

The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the
Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet
until they have their first meeting and thus will not
be meeting until the first time.

Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear
before they had their first meeting, so that it would
not be confusing.

So their first meeting will actually be their first
meeting and they will not have a meeting before the
first meeting.

This should avoid having people show up for their first
meeting before it is held, since to do so would be
confusing to those who did so and this is what they
want to avoid by reducing the confusion and lessening
the repetition.

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages...

Dynamike traveled to Africa. The citizens of all countries came to visit him because they thought he was "Black Magic."

Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit my lip."...

Q. What do call a person who can speak three languages?
A. Trilingual.

Q. What do call a person who can speak two languages?
A. Bilingual.

Q. What do call a person who can speak one language?
A. American.

A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire"...

A black cow can give white milk and eat green grass.

Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing in the rain!"...

Bill and Earl are out ice fishing. They get to the middle of the lake, which overlooks a golf course, and see two guys out playing golf.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots playing golf in the snow!"...

To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice.
To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney...

Dynamike stayed off the Café for a year.

Hyuck, today some guy thought I was a doggie! I was driving down the street and when I changed lanes some guy behind me hollered "Hey, you Basset!"

Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge.
Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m."
2nd driver, "it's OK, just go, there are no cops around."...

A Poem:

My favorite fish is the bass --
He climbs up on the seaside trees
And slides down on his hands and knees.

A Rap:

Boys and girls, hang on to your seats
because the number one magician who are about to meet.

Non-stop magic, he'll performs it right
the hip hop magician named "Dynamike."

If you receive an email from the Department of Health
telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine
flu.... Ignore it. It's just spam.

Husband came home from the pub at 3'o clock this morning. Wife was waiting at the door with a rolling pin.
He says to her, "What are you doing 'baking' at this time of the night?"...