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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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JimbosMagic
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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail
pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled
her eyes and said,
'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows
first.'
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
JimbosMagic
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A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the
clerk To ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And
cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied.

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
JimbosMagic
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A true tale of country folk!

The Welsh Farmer

Bevan Jones, an elderly Welsh farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.
"Tell me about your staff," he asked Jones.
"Well," said Jones, "there's the farm hand. I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.
Then there's the dairymaid. She gets £90 a week, along with free board and lodging.
There's also the half wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week, along with a bottle gin every week and, occasionally, gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's who I want to talk to," said the inspector, "the half wit."

"That'll be me then," said Jones.
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
joseph
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For years Dr. Benson had left his office and gone to Teddy's Bar, where Teddy would fix him a daiquiri laced with crushed pecans. One day, however, Teddy ran out of pecans; instead he substituted hickory nuts. Dr. Benson sat down and took a sip under Teddy's watchful eyes; he frowned. "Say, Teddy, this isn't an almond daiquiri. Just what is it?" "I can't lie to ya," Teddy said. "It's hickory daiquiri, Doc."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
JamesTong
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It's amazing! You guys have posted 83 pages of jokes. And I really enjoyed all of them.
JimbosMagic
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Me 2 James.
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
Bill Ligon
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We magicians have to search for women, but the guitar player has his pick.
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
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joseph
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And the electrician always has connections...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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Magician's assistant (whispering onstage to the magician): "Hey, do you know your fly's open?"

Magician: "No, but I think it's in Tarbell Volume 4."
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
joseph
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Magician's assistant (whispering onstage to the magician): "Hey, do you know your fly's open?"
"No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll see if the band can fake it."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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Hey, this must be a dirty book. It has a zipper on the fly-leaf!
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
joseph
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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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A guy goes into a bar. He sits at the bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a drink on the house?"

The bartender replies, "Ok, but if I've seen it before, I'm going to throw you out."

So the customer takes out a tiny piano and stool and places them on the bar. He then takes a mouse out of his pocket and sits him on the stool in front of he keyboard. The mouse plays Beethoven's Fifth Symphony beautifully.

The customer gets his free drink. He says, "For another drink, I'll show you something even better." The bartender agrees.

The guy takes out a matchbox, removes a cockroach and places him beside the piano, and while he mouse plays the piano, the roach sings beautifully. The bartender is amazed and the guy gets his drink.

Now, the customer says, "I'll tell you the secret for another drink on the house," and the bartender agrees with enthusiasm. The guy finishes his drink, leans over and whispers into the bartender's ear, "The cockroach can't really sing. The mouse is a ventriloquist."
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
Jamie D. Grant
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Quote:
On 2009-10-18 11:58, Bill Ligon wrote:
A guy goes into a bar. He sits at the bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a drink on the house?"

The bartender replies, "Ok, but if I've seen it before, I'm going to throw you out."

So the customer takes out a tiny piano and stool and places them on the bar. He then takes a mouse out of his pocket and sits him on the stool in front of he keyboard. The mouse plays Beethoven's Fifth Symphony beautifully.

The customer gets his free drink. He says, "For another drink, I'll show you something even better." The bartender agrees.

The guy takes out a matchbox, removes a cockroach and places him beside the piano, and while he mouse plays the piano, the roach sings beautifully. The bartender is amazed and the guy gets his drink.

Now, the customer says, "I'll tell you the secret for another drink on the house," and the bartender agrees with enthusiasm. The guy finishes his drink, leans over and whispers into the bartender's ear, "The cockroach can't really sing. The mouse is a ventriloquist."


That made my Sunday. Thanks!

~jamie
TRICK OF THE YEAR: Industrial Revelation, BOOK OF THE YEAR: The Approach, The AIP Bottle, and my new book Scenic 52, can all be found over here: SendWonder.com
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joseph
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Who discovered the first singing eagle?..

A talon scout...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
JimbosMagic
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So you do bird impressionseh? said the talent scout.
"that's right sir"
What kind of bird impressions do you do?
"I eat worms"
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
JimbosMagic
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Asked to a magician... name 9 animals from Africa.
magician.....8 Elephants and a Giraffe.
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
JimbosMagic
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My dog is bone idle....Yesterday I was watering the garden and he wouldnt lift a leg to help me.
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
JimbosMagic
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Teacher to Jimbo,,,,,,,,Give me a sentence starting with I.
Jimbo,,,,,,, I is-.
Teacher,,,,, No no no, Jimbo, you don't say I is, you say I am.
Jimbo,,,,,,, All right, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.


Well I thought it was funny lmao.
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
JimbosMagic
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Teacher..... Whats twelve times twelve?
Jimbo....... One Hundred and Forty-four.
Teacher..... Yes that's good.
Jimbo....... Good? It's dam near perfect.
JIMMY CARLO. KIDabra International Family Entertainer of the Year 2009.
IBM Triple Award Winner. Uk Champion of Comedy Magic.
Represented the UK in the United Slapstick Awards on German TV.
European Children's Entertainer of the year 2007/8
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes)
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