Q: How do you disguise an elephant in the middle of new york???

A: with sunglasses.

Donm't laugh, have you ever seen one like that???

Of course not. it was disguised

There once was a lady from Wite.
Who's speed was faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night.

Litte Willie with a grin
Drank down all his father's gin
His mother said
When he got PLASTERED...
Give me that Bottle...
You little BAd kid...

How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb? NONE. Vampires live in the dark!

Peter Biro was a magus
Played New York, Detroit and Vegas
Quicker than the eye, a mover,
Just amazed J. Edgar Hoover
Who started, for a grateful nation,
The Federal Biro of Investigation.

Its a lie I tell you! A Myth!!

I have had many a lady tell me that I am a real pig and I have never orgasmed for that long.

You're next, Patrick, as soon as I come up with a rhyme for "Guadalajara"...

What are the three parts of a woodburning stove?

Lifter leg and poker. (think about it)

So a Guy walks into the Docs office .. and says Gee doc I am not sure .. but when I touch My shoulder it hurts .. and I touch my knee it hurts .. and touch my chest it hurts ... and touch my head it hurts .. doc looks at him .. " simple enough your finger's broke "... .. "Now I want you to stand over by the strip down stand over by the window and stick out your tounge" .. the guy says hmm doc all that for a broken finger? doc replies .. "nahhh I am just PO'ed at the Doctor across the street"
Keet

A Magician from Kalamazoo
with nothing better to do
On the Fouth of July cried why should we Fry
LET IT SNOW
LET IT SNOW
AND IT SNEW

Like the cat said when he got his tail cut off "Ther's a good piece of tail out in that grass somewhere if I could just find it."

I asked my wife how come the attractive women always seem to marry the homely, goofy looking men. She said, "Why thank you dear!"......

I hardly slept at all last night because there was this woman screaming and yelling and beating on my door practically all night long.

So, I finally got up and let her out.

Flobiwan

Did you read the headlines? Three thousand hares got out of the lab and ran loose on main street.

The police had to comb the area.

And when they saw the policemen, they all took one step backwards and had the World's Biggest Receding Hare Line.

Two dogs walked over to a parking meter and
one said to the other, "How do you like that?
Pay toilets!"

There once was a lady from kent,
Whose nose was most awfully bent.
One day, I suppose, she followed her nose,
And noone knows which way she went.

There once was a man from the city,
who petted what he thought was a kitty.
He gave it a pat, and said "nice little cat"
and they buried his clothes out of pity.

The wonderful wizard of Oz,
retired form bussiness because,
with that new fangled science,
he had no complience,
so he just wasn't the wiz that he was.

Mary had a little lamb,
a little steak, a little jam.
a little soda topped with fizz,
Oh how sick our Mary is!

an eskimo sleeps in his little bear skin,
and very well I suppose,
But one time I slept in my bare skin,
and by golly, I almost froze!

I often thought in wonder,
at fate's particular ways,
how all our famous men,
were born on holidays!

I'll think of more and send them in.

This really should be a sticky

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.....

Holly cow, there are a lot of corny old overplayed jokes here. Some of you should be crazy to actually use some of these. 17 pages and 90564 bad jokes later and the saga still goes on. Good job guys.

don't forget to tip your hooker.

90564? Don't tell me you actually took the time to count all these! Holy cow!

OK, if this is too risque, please delete it.

A guy walks into the men's room and proceeds to the urinal to do his business. While he is taking care of things, a little dwarf walks in and pulls a ladder to the urinal next to him and proceeds to do his business as well. While the man is still peeing, he notices the dwarf scooting the ladder closer to his urinal. He then notices the little guy looking down at his well um..... stuff. "Wow, that sure is an impressive size you have there" says the little guy. The man is a little shocked but yet flattered. "Thank you", he responds. "Would it be ok if I touched it?" asked the dwarf. The man finding this quite odd but harmless agrees. The dwarf then gets a death grip on the man's ba##s and sqeezes with all his might. "OK" the dwarf says, "Give me your wallet or I jump off this ladder."

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