Well my all time favorite and I have been keeping it to myself.

I want to die quietly like my grand-dad. Not like the passenger in the car!!

Michael

I know of one italian joke. but I'm not sure if I am allowed to post it here. and no its not a dirty joke.

Well you can pm me if you like. I take no offense to them. Laughter is the best medicine...

Michael

A great piece

THE PASTA DIET

IT REALLY WORKS !

1) You walka pasta da bakery.

2) You walka pasta da candy store.

3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all conflicting medical studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Michael

A businessman walks into a bar and orders a double martini on the rocks. The bartender brings him his drink, and he downs it, then peeks inside of his shirt pocket.

He orders another drink, downs it, and peeks inside his shirt pocket.

This happens a third time, all the while the bartender is watching in curiousity.

The fourth time, he orders the drink the bartender says "Hey buddy, I'll keep bringing you drinks all night long, but you just gotta' tell me why you keep peeking in your shirt pocket everytime you finish your drink."

The guy says "I'm peeking at a picture of my wife. As soon as she starts to look good, then I'll know I've had enough!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."

Guy goes into a Dr's office and he says to him Dr. you have to help me I think I'm a Bridge. Dr. says to the Guy realy whats come over you ? Guy says to the Dr. so far 2 trucks and a Bus.

Lady says, "Doctor, my husband thinks he's a horse....He craves oats, and will whinny all day." Doctor says, "Can you bring him in today?"
She says, "No, he's running in the sixth at Pimlico." ....

Magician goes to see a psychiatrist. "Doc, I'm having a hard time making career decisions. At first, I wanted to be a mentalist."
"Why didn't you?"
"I was afraid of what people might think. So then I became a cardman."
"How did that go?"
"I just couldn't deal. That's when I tried escapology."
"How did that make you feel?"
"Tied down and locked-in. What's your advice?"
"How about getting into shells?"
"You think I'm nuts?"

I told the skull doctor I had trouble remembering things.
He said, "How long have you had this condition?"
I said, "What condition?".....

Dog for sale - eats anything- fond of children

Nick

What is green and smells like pork? curmit the frogs finger.


Its a dirty joke bet always gets laughs.

Knock knock. Who's there? I got two. I got two who? I got two pee REAL BAD, SO LET ME IN!

I told my doctor no one listens to me.....He said, "Next?" ......

I went to the doctor and said it hurts when I press my finger here (touch your arm) or press here (touch your leg) or press here (touch your stomach.) He looked me over and told me I had a broken finger.

I told the doctor that every time I took a sip of tea, I got a horrible pain
in my right eye....He said, "Try removing the spoon."....

I went to the dr's office and told him dr it hurts whenever I do this. ( move arm etc. ) he said don't do it and it won't hurt.

I get no respect. I said Doc, "whats wrong with me? Every time I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up." He said "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

These are good .LOL

If you tie balloons : "Balloons, the original pop music!"

Bumper Sticker:
Cover me...I'm changing lanes.......