Since in a earlier Post. someone started a My Magician is so Dumb. here is one to add to that List. my Magician is so Dumb. that he took the Pepsi Challenge and Chose JIF.

Brains? I asked my girlfriend what the capital of Texas is; She said "T"........

When god was passing out brains I thought he said trains. So I said I would like a slow one please.

Michael

Quoted from someone on the magic talk site. (Loved this one.)

No, peasant, I am not an elitist.

"Pretentious? Moi?" [Max Maven]

TW

"I don't mean to be condescending... That means talking down to you.'

An indian walked into a reataurant and was dragging a BULL behind him on a rope. he also had a gun. He ordered a cup of coffee, and as soon as he got it, he gulped it down, and then turned around and pulled out the pistol and shot the bull. Then he walked out.

The next day the same thing happens. He gulps the coffee, shoots the animal, then leaves.

The third day he walks in, orders the coffe, but the waitress says "Oh no! I'm not giving you any coffee.. besides, we are still cleaning up the mess from the last time! And why did you do that anyway?"

The indian says "Me studying for upper management position. Drink coffee, shoot the bull, then leave"

A drunk walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both order a round of drinks and proceed to get wasted. After one too many, the giraffe passes out and crashes to the floor snoring loudly. The drunk gets up and starts to stumble out the door knowing it is time to leave. The bartender yells "Hey buddy you can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies "That's not a lion. It's a giraffe!"


boooooo.

My sister goes to the Beauty parlor the other Day. and tells the Beautician to make her look Beautiful. the Beautician looked at her and said Honey I'm a Beautician not a Magician.

How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
Paints his nutz red.

Did you hear Tarzan was killed the other day?
Yeah! He was picking cherries from a cherry tree.

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts Her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is
in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
In the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750"

Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's
go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold
my baseball bat and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that
.. that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you
to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."

Michael

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a
bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he
yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna
hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things...

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.
Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.
Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.
Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black
belt in karate, and a very bad attitude.

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


Michael

A salesman drowning in a pond was saved by a 3 legged pig.....When he thanked the farmer, he asked him why the pig had 3 legs....The farmer said, "Why, with such a talented pig, you don't want to eat him all at once"...

Oops above Post should read Cherry not cerry. also I seen a talking three legged Dog the Other Day. and he was looking around for something. so I went up to him and asked what he was looking for and he said to me I'm looking for the guy who shot my paw.

A little boy runs across man who has a truckoad of cow manure and he asks him what he is going to do with all that cow poop.

The man tells the little boy "I'm taking it home to put it on my strawberries.

The little boy says "I don't know where you come from, but where I come from we put cream and SUGAR on our strawberries!"

Have you guys run out of jokes? I still have a few! Let's get this party rolling!

I think they have. ok here goes one my house is so small. ( wait for audience to say how small is it ) it is so small that whenever I want to change my mind. that I have to go outside to change it.

Since it is easter time. Here is a easter joke

What happens when you tell an easter egg a joke

It will CRACK up!!

Michael

My house is SO small...........The front and back door are on the same hinge

That was good....but so SAD!!

Some old news but this is still great.

THE OJ TRIAL AS TOLD BY DR. SEUSS

I did not kill my lovely wife.
I did not slash her with a knife.
I did not bonk her on the head.
I did not know that she was dead.

I stayed at home that fateful night.
I took a cab, then took a flight.
The bag I had was just for me.
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be.

When I came home I had a gash.
My hand was cut from broken glass.
I cut my hand on broken glass.
A broken glass did cause that gash.

I have nothing, nothing to hide.
My friend, he took me for a ride.

Did you take this person's life?
Did you do it with a knife?

I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

Did you hit her from above?
Did you drop this bloody glove?

I did not hit her from above.
I cannot even wear that glove.
I did not do it with a knife.
I did not, could not, kill my wife.
I did not do this awful crime.
I could not, would not, anytime.

And now I'm free, I can return
To my house for which I yearn.
And to my family whom I love.
Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

Michael

I'm so ugly...My father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.......

What Do you Call a Bubble Gum Train ?