He's always trying to get my goat. He's such a knit-wit...

What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while....

Bah-dum-bum

My favorite joke EVER!!!

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartenter says to him "HEY! We've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"

What's round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle......

Did you hear that Canada sold the U.S. a large herd of bison?
Did Canada send the U.S. a buffalo bill?

I heard replacing your car muffler yourself can be exhausting work....

Joseph I don't think that might be true but it might be Tire-ing as well.

Did you hear about the Astronaut who kissed a frog?

He got STAR WARTS.

I think that might be the Warts ( Worse ) Joke Yet.

The girl was so skinny, when she swallowed an olive, 6 men left town....

A woman walked into a bar and asked for a "double entendre."
So the bartender gave it to her.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!......

May the warts be with you.

I don't get it....

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

My mother and father are cousins. That's why I look so much alike.


Why did the chicken cross the road?


She didn't want to lay it on the line!

A doctor stopped at a certain bar every day after work and ordered a daquiri with a chestnut in it. He did this so often and about the same time of day that the bartender always had his special daquiri (with a chestnut) ready for the doctor. One day the bartender discovered to his dismay that he was out of chestnuts. He found some hickory nuts and figured the doctor might not notice the difference, so he made the doctor's daquiri with a hickory nut in it. When the doctor walked in the bartender handed him his daquiri. The doctor took a sip and cried, "phtttth! Something is wrong with my daquiri!"

To which the bartender replied, "That's a hickory daquiri, doc!"

COMPUTER TALK .......
Press -- to continue ...
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.....
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.
Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!!

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.


"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981 ......

A family of moles had been hibernating all winter. One beautiful spring morning, they woke up. The father mole stuck his head out of the hole and looked around. "Mother Mole!" He called back down the hole. "Come up here! I smell honey, fresh made honey!" The mother mole ran up and squeezed in next to him. "That's not honey, that's maple syrup! I smell maple syrup!" The baby mole, still down in the hole, was sulking. "I can't smell anything down here but molasses..."


hehe...

THAT'S AWESOME! I'm soooooooooo telling everyone that joke!

LOL, Sonny, that's one of my favorites that I had forgotten.

There was a certain court jester who made puns about every subject in the kingdom except the king. When asked why, he said, "Because the king is the king and not a subject." This comment enraged the king, who ordered the jester executed. On the day of his execution, the jester slowly climbed the ladder to the gallows and smiled sadly as the executioner put the noose around his neck. Suddenly, the king shouted, "Wait! Stop! I've known this man all my life. Spare him!" To this the jester cried, "No noose is good news," and died happily.