A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog.
He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around
his head.
The druggist says "May I help you?"
The blind man replies "No thank you, I'm just looking
around."

What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
The bachelor comes home from work, sees what's in the refrigerator and goes to bed; the married man comes home from work, sees what's in the bed and goes to the refrigerator.

I bought the Memory Book by Harry Lorayne. I was going to read it, but I forgot where I put it....

A little boy went up to his father and asked:
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

Posted: Aug 26, 2005 7:11am
Little monster: Daddy, daddy, you've got carrots sprouting out of your ears.
Big monster: That's funny, I planted radishes

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did....

Haha, I'll have to use that one in my medical classes.

A couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running
along the road.

The woman said,
"Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here thirty years ago."

The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and they made love like never before.

Back in the car, the guy says, "Darling, you sure never moved like That thirty years ago, or any time since that I can remember!"

The woman says, "thirty years ago that fence wasn't electrified!"

Posted: Aug 26, 2005 7:16pm
Bill, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses, carrying a white can and holding a seeing-eye dog by a long leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bill struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?"

"Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack!"

Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn't need to be heated? ....

Question: What is every Amish
woman's private fantasy?

Answer: Two Mennonite!

Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them?....

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy
with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to
that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us."

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.'

The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pinscher?" He says, "Yes,
they're using them now, they're very good."

The guy at the door says, "Come on in."

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the hell," so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is
my seeing-eye dog."

The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there? ...

Returning from Las Vegas, I was sitting in the lobby of the airport when the airline announced that the flight was full, and asked for volunteers to give up their seats. The airline offered the volunteers a $100 voucher for their next flight and a first-class seat on a later flight.

About eight people ran to the counter to take advantage of the offer.

Shortly afterward, all eight of the people returned to their seats in the lobby, all with scowls on their faces.

The lady behind the ticket counter said, " Is there anyone else who would like to volunteer other than the flight crew?"

Why do you feet smell and your nose runs? ....

What's black and white and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson

Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? ....

You're upside-down!

Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries?...

Joseph, philosophers have been pondering those weighty questions since the Renaissance. Keep 'em coming!

Two starving hobos are walking down an empty street in a quiet town. They spy a dead horse on the side of the road and run towards it. The first man begins to eat the horse, but the second man refuses, saying only that he will wait. After the first man has eaten his fill they continue on down the road. Eventually the first man gets sick from the horse meat and throws it up. The second man pulls out a napkin from his pocket and exclaims as he sits down: "Now THIS is what I've been waiting for! A hot meal!"

Posted: Aug 28, 2005 10:48pm
A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they
were concerned about his rather small (delete).

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem."

The next morning, when ! The boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table.

"Gee, mom," the boy exclaimed. "For me?"
"Just take two," his mother replied.
"The rest are for your father."