LOL. Don, at least I get to practice my Jail breaks with those tickets. In South Africa we drive Right hand drive cars (Like in UK). I would like to have a left hand drive car one day with tinted windows. When the Officer walks up to the window, you open it (electric), sit back and watch the look on his face when he starts speaking. HEE HEE.

Well come over here and buy one do the tinting yourself

After several years of marrage a magicians wife asked her husband if she could get "Surgical Breast Enhancements" to which he replied firmly..."No, we can't afford it, but I do know of a magical procedure that will make your breasts grow." Please tell me she begs. OK..Just go to the bathroom...get some toilet paper and rub it on your breasts. Trust me, they'll get bigger.
THAT WON'T WORK she shouts....Well, the magicians counters,
"It worked on your @ss didn't it?"

Don't shoot!

What color is George Washington White Horse??

Michael

Hear about the elephant and flea that got married? They had to.....

What do you call 4 blondes in 4 cars that approach a 4-way stop at the same time?

A traffic jam!!

Did you hear about the two Peanuts walking down the road? One was assalted.

Did you hear the latest? I am so excited. My doctor told me they finally found a cure for my ADD and I think it is really starting to........... Oh look, a butterfly!

I went to go have my face lifted but they lowered it instead.

How do you circumcise a whale?

Send down Four Skin Divers!

I get no respect. My wife said she likes to talk during sex. Yeah, she called me from her hotel room...

Every year my mom takes me to the circus and pleads with them to take me.

A fellow about ninty years old is driving down the freeway, when he gets a call on his cell phone. It's his wife. She says "Honey be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is someone on that freeway going the wrong way!" Guy says " One? Hell, I've seen at least a hundred!"

Who was the greatest biblical financial whiz...?

Noah...He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Who was the greatest female financial whiz...?
Pharaoh's daughter....She went to the Nile Bank and took out a little prophet.

Shoot if you must!

How can I shoot when I'm laughing my off here

Why didn't they play cards on noah's ark? Because Noah was sitting on the deck!

BANG! (That was me shooting my self....in the foot.)

1st Guy did you know I just got back from Africa and over there I was playing cards with the Natives. 2nd guy Zulu's ? 1st guy No I Won

Did you know women got PMS even in biblical time? Read it in the Nativity..."Mary rode Joseph's @ss all the way to Bethleham."

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? You'd kill yourself too if your name was "EUGHHFRUGLISHMAAA!!"

I asked a pretty girl for her number. She said "Is it for you?"

Cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.....

What did the Cannibal say to the Tourist ? Nice Passing You.