Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches?

Because they can.

Visitor in nursing home: Nurse, you give these 90 year old men viagra? Why?
Nurse: It stops them from rolling out of bed.....

A bear and a rabbit are sitting on a log doing their business when the bear turns to the rabbit and says "Do you have a problem with it getting stuck in your fur?" " No" replied the rabbit. "Good" said the bear and he picked the rabbit up and wiped with him.

A pretty 12 year old girl holding a hostess snack cake is walking down the nall at church just gabbing away. Her golden locks are swinging back and forth just missing her snack. The pastor sees her and says " Honey your going to get hair on your twinkee soon." She replies " Yeah and my mom says I'm gonna get boobies too!"

Curt

The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone
call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten
himself into quite a fix.

"See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from
the movies we found them stuck together."

"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't
worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time."

Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"

When you dream in color, it's just a pigment of your imagination...

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change? Change? We are not gonna change!!!!!

Curt

A baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, "What'll you have?"

The seal says, "Anything but Canadian Club!"

You know those pictures of wanted criminals at the post office? Have you ever noticed they have their fingerprints right below the picture? As if someone is going to think, "you know, I don't recognize the face, but I think I saw those fingerprints on a window somewhere."

Fredd

Posted: Sep 30, 2005 2:00am
How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

37, you got a problem with that?

A sailor and a marine are taking a leak at a public restroom. The
marine finishes first and
washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine
says to him: hey, in the
marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The
sailor says: yeah well, in
the navy they teach us to not pee on our hands.

If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "Hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?.....

This is for joseph,

Why do they call them apartments then put them all together?

Curt

Why did the chicken cross the road?


That was no chicken. That was my wife!

A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out
a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

Why did the suction cup cross the road?

It was stuck to to the chicken.

Posted: Sep 30, 2005 8:00pm
If there were four potatos in a room, which one would be the prostitute?

The one labelled "IDAHO."

How do you get 500 old cows in a barn?

Put up a Bingo sign....

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:
Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you are drunk:
Specificity; Cogito Ergo Sum; British; Constitution; Passive-agressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate.

Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for me; Sorry, but you're really not my type; Good evening, officer, isn't it lovely out tonight; No, man, no one wants to hear me sing; Naw, I couldn't -- I'm too drunk to levitate.

Where do you get virgin wool?

From VERY ugly sheep.

Curt

Or from the sheep that can outrun the sheepherder!

Posted: Sep 30, 2005 11:33pm
Keep it up, Magicurt! You've got me laughing!

Posted: Sep 30, 2005 11:48pm
LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove who is the best at apprehending criminals.

The president decides to give them a test. Three forests are selected, and a rabbit "criminal" is released in each one.

The CIA goes into the forest assigned to it and places animal informants throughout he forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes into its forest. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They make no apologies and justify their actions by saying that the rabbit had it coming.

LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The poor bear is yelling:

"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a Rabbit!"

Did the bear wipe with the rabbit before they caught him?

Posted: Sep 30, 2005 11:58pm
Leper jokes?

Why did the lepers quit the hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.

Why did they quit the poker game?

Some leper threw his hand in.

Why did the leper relay team loose the olympics?

They lost their last leg.

What do you call 3 lepers in a hot tub?

Stew

Ugh- how low will we go? Oh well

Curt

I think I said this before, but...

Lots of people play bridge, but it takes a cannibal to throw up a hand.