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joseph
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"Hey Bill, I heard you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet".
"No kidding? How much memory will it take up?".
"Not much, just two Bytes."...
Posted: Jul 2, 2006 10:13am

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I have to admit it, a co-worker offered a brilliant proposal to resolve our troublesome problem. He suggested we form three committees, one to study the problem directly, one to study how other companies had resolved similar problems, and a third to oversee the first two and coordinate their efforts into a workable solution. The plan worked flawlessly and we assigned the janitor to change the lightbulb...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
poprocz
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Can't read through 64 pages of post so please forgive me if these were done.

Horse walks into the vets office and the vet says "Why the long face"?

Saw an old pirate friend of mine and he had a steering wheel sticking out of his britches. I said "Dude, you got a steering wheel sticking out of your britches" and he said "Arrrggh, it's driving me nuts"!

da domm
joseph
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I've got some employees who have been around here so long they can remember the Dead Sea before it got sick...

Posted: Jul 11, 2006 7:32am
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
poprocz
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Quote:
On 2006-07-11 07:32, joseph wrote:
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs....



Should I be ashammed that I found that funny?
Jaypoc
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There's more material here than in every jokebook I've ever read combined...

What do you feed a gay horse?... Haaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! (Said flamboyantly!)
joseph
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Why, her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me...
Posted: Jul 13, 2006 7:27am

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I heard they are actually growing lawns on top of houses to replace shingles....I guess you can call one "Little Prairie on the House."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Phil Thomas
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One dark and very foggy night, a fan from Ohio State and another from Michigan were driving home from the big rival game of the year. As they were crossing the same bridge, the fog became so thick that they could not see at all. Both cars colided on the bridge and were mangled to shreds. The Michigan fan stammers out of his car un-scathed and proclaims "Man I am sure lucky to be alive!" The Ohio State fan climbs out of his wreckage also un-injured and says "Yeah, this sure is great. Perhaps this is a sign that we should put aside our differences and be friends instead of rivals. After all, it's only football." The Michigan fan agrees. Just then the Ohio state fan says "Hold on...I'm going to see if something else survived the crash." He goes over to his wrecked car, opens the trunk and pulls out a giant full bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. "Here" he says. "Let's toast to our new found friendship." The Michigan fan grabs the bottle, twists it open and says "I'll drink to that!" He takes a big gulp draining half the bottle in one swallow. He then hands the bottle to the Ohio State fan and says "Your turn,friend!" The Ohio State fan grabs the bottle, twists the cap back on tightly and tosses it into the river below and replies "No thanks...I'll just wait for the cops to show up."


GO BUCKEYES!!

:cheers:

Phil
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
joseph
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After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Lee Darrow
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Hey Phil H - I understand that Holyfield is making a comeback as a boxer - he even got a new coach and everything - WOODY HAYES!

Hail to the Victors Valiant - GO BLUE! University of Michigan fan...

Lee Darrow, C.H.
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Marvello
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Quote:
On 2006-07-23 20:42, Lee Darrow wrote:
Hey Phil H - I understand that Holyfield is making a comeback as a boxer - he even got a new coach and everything - WOODY HAYES!

Hail to the Victors Valiant - GO BLUE! University of Michigan fan...

Lee Darrow, C.H.

Lee- not only are you showing your true colors- but your age Smile I doubt many people except for diehard U of M or OSU fans will remember him, or even get that reference. I did, however (since I live in "a square"), and grew up during that rivalry. Pretty funny.
Never criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.
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I remember the 1st Michigan VS Ohio State Football game.

It was a real rough game. Nothing to nothing in the middle of the 4th quarter. Just then a train went by and blew its whistle.

All the Michigan player thought it was the end of the game and they left the field. (ha ha)

4 plays later Ohio State scored!


kOnO
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Marvello
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If Houdini were alive today, what would he be famous for?
He'd be the oldest man alive.

If Houdini were alive today, what would he be doing?
Scratching on the inside of his coffin.
Never criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.
joseph
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Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni ....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Professor Piper
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Cancel my subscription...

I'm sick of your issues.


Prof. Piper
"Nemo has been found! He was on an Admiral's Platter at Red Lobster!"
Bill Ligon
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Then there was the Chinese man who divorced his wife because she had a blond-haired, blue-eyed baby.

As he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white!"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
joseph
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I saw a man lying in the street. I said, ``Can I help you?'' He said, ``No, I found this parking place and I sent my wife out to buy a car.''....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Phil Thomas
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My wife and I were dining at a chinese buffet the other night. When the waiter came over to get our drink orders, I noticed he was rubbing his eyes and squinting. He said that he had been having trouble seeing clearly so I asked if he had a cadiract, to which he replied........"No I drive a Rincoln!"
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
joseph
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The novice pilot crashed his plane when landing....His reason?...
"The runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide"....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
kOnO
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A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the Police."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the Manager and a Policeman returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice Sam replied "the balcony."
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
joseph
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What is a Russion napkin called?.....a Soviet....
Definition of asset.......a little donkey....
Definition of ascot.......a little donkey bed....
(stol...I mean borrowed from the Benny Hill show..)...

Posted: Aug 12, 2006 7:45am
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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