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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Wolflock
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Quote:
On 2006-09-20 16:13, joseph wrote:

8 things women won't say ....

8. What do you mean today's our anniversary?
7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!
5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends'
4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?
3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!...





I am sorry, I cant marry you, you earn too much money.
Wolflock
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joseph
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Money talks, but all mine EVER says is GOODBYE...
A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one...

Posted: Oct 3, 2006 7:09pm
Nothing: The presence of absence...
Nuclear scientist: A professional with a lot of ions in the fire...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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Hear about the bear and the rabbit? The bear is talking to the rabbit, and asks " Does s%$t stick to your fir?" the rabbit says " No." So the bear quickly grabs him and uses him to wipe his a**.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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Alarm clock: A machine invented to scare the daylights into you...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Wolflock
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Alarm clock a device invented to wake up people that don't have children.
Wolflock
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joseph
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One antique dealer to another...."What's new?" ..
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Magic Enhancer
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Robert Haas
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Whatdo you get when you mix an alephant and a rhino? Elephino (Hell If I know!)

Haas
Robert Haas
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Quality magic products for the working professional.
www.MagicEnhancer.com
joseph
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Why was Washington standing in the boat as the army crossed the Delaware?
Because if he sat down, he knew he'd have to row...

Posted: Oct 29, 2006 7:08am
Farmer Brown: "Lose much in the last tornado?"
Farmer Jones: Yup, lost the hen house and all the chickens. But that was all right; I ended up with 3 new cows, and somebody's pickup." ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
thecardtrick
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http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mutts.asp

This comic strip made me smile today. It has to do with performing magic and has 2 clever puns.
Marvello
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You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


If you do not know, scroll down to see the answer below.










































Get your drunk hiney off the merry-go-round!!!
Never criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.
joseph
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Courtesy: The art of yawning with the mouth closed....
etc.: An abbreviation used to make people think you have additional information..
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
JeffMac
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I've read about 20 pages sorry if I repeat
Why are Fire Engines Red?
You would be too if 8 guys pulled your hose all day.

Skeleton Walks into a bar, goes to the bartender "Could I get a beer?... and a Mop?"

Chicken walks into a library goes to the librarian "Book!(buck)", The librarian looks at the chicken confused hands him a book and the chicken leaves
Next day the chicken comes back with the book and goes "Book!,Book!", The librarian looks at the chicken confused hands him 2 books and the chicken leaves
Next day the chicken comes back with the book and goes "Book!,Book!,Book", The librarian looks at the chicken confused hands him 3 books and the chicken leaves
Next day the chicken comes back with the book and goes "Book!,Book!,Book,Book!", The librarian looks at the chicken confused hands him 4 books and the chicken leaves. The Librarian decides to follow the chicken and they end up at a pond and the chickens handing the books to a frog. The frog looks at each book and goes "read-it,read-it,read-it,read-it"
joseph
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Last night I dreamed I was in a pasture grazing with a bunch of cows...When I woke up, a corner of my mattress was missing...

Posted: Nov 11, 2006 8:01am
Did you hear about the man who fell into the reupholstery machine? He's fully recovered now.

My wife and I were told we couldn't have children - by our landlord.
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Marvello
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A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,when behind him he hears:
!
BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog h e makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.


BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...


Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...


clappity-BUMP...


clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, the terrified man runs.


Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.


With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.


Bumping and clapping toward him.


The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!


Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops
Never criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.
joseph
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When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

In high school, my school team was the "Fighting Indians". The mascot would dance around before each game. All of our games were rained out....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
SteveTheMagician
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"how'd you do that?"

"with yo mama"
joseph
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I know a guy who has a new book coming out. It’s one of those self-help books. It’s called "How To Get Along With Everybody." I read it and it works! He wrote it with some other stupid jerk....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
itshim
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Quote:
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.


This doesn't translate into english! Can you explain?

Nigel

"The thing that divides England and America is the common language"
I knew a man who kept saying "pliers, pincers, scissors". He was speaking in tongs.

www.itshim.co.uk
joseph
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If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "take two aspirin" and "keep away from children."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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Why did the Blonde. name her Two Dogs Bulova and Timex. The Blonde Named her two Dogs Bulova and timex because they were Watch Dogs.
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes)
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