Did you hear about the giant who threw up? It's all over town....

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A FSH!

If Lassie liked cantelope, would she be a melon-collie dog?..

osted: Dec 23, 2006 7:55am
Some Holiday humor: (and I use that term loosely)

What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet


What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has No L (Noel)....

The Advantage of Being an ARAB :

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years.

One day, he decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs
in his garden, but he knew he was alone and too old and weak.

His son was in college in Paris , so the old man sent him an e-mail
explaining the problem:
"Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my
garden. I am sure, if only you were here, that you would help me
and dig up the garden for me. I love you, your father."

The following day, the old man received a response e-mail from his
son:
"Beloved father, please don't touch the garden. That is where I
have hidden 'the THING.' I love you, too Ahmed."

At 4pm the FBI and the Rangers visited the house of the old man and
took the whole garden apart, searching every inch. But they
couldn't find anything. Disappointed, they left the house.

The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son:
" Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can
plant your potatoes. That is all I could do for you from here. Your
loving son, Ahmed".

The Encounter.....
Friend:"Last night I was visited by some tall blue men with slanted eyes."
Mate:"Did they take you to their spaceship?"
Friend:"No,they took me to their police car."...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and say to the bar tender "A pint for me and 10 pints for the giraffe."

The barman pours the drinks and watches at the giraffe downs all 10 pints, and then collapses in a heap on the floor. The man stands up, steps over the giraffe and heads for the door when the bar man shouts

"Hey mate, you can't leave that lyin here" and the man replies "It's not a lion, it a giraffe!!"


Posted: Jan 21, 2007 8:52am
A police officer is driving along when he pass a car. In the back he notices there are 10 penguins sitting in the back seat. The officer pulls the man over and says,

"I'm very sorry sir but you can't drive around with 10 penguins in the back of a car"

The man asks why?

Puzzled, the officer barks,

"You just can't ok, take them to the zoo immediately!"

The following day the officer is driving along when he passes the same car from yesterday, and he notices there are STILL 10 penguins in the back seat. Again the officer pulls the car over and furiously yell's at the man,

"Look mate, I though I made myself clear, you can't drive around with 10 pengiuns in the back of your car. I told you yesterday to take them to the zoo?"

The man replies,

"I did, we're going the the beach today"

A fly said to a spider,"What's your favourite music?"
The spider said,"Wrap." ...

An Irish man walks into a library and says to the librerian

"Fish and chips please".

The librarian says, "Sorry this is a library not a fish and chip shop".

The Irish man says, sorry and whispers in a very low voice - "Fish and chips please"

Where was the first dwarf star discovered?
Fantasy Island...

Posted: Feb 3, 2007 11:11am
I just finished my floating protractor, but it is not angle proof.. ..

Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!

Then there's the General Custer escape trick...cannot be done surrounded....

Seal walks into a bar and the bartender says:
"What'll you have"
Seal says:
"Anything but a Canadian Club."

Good thing he walked into the bar and not the club next door, eh?

Wow I can't believe this thread is still going on. This is awesome!

OK, here is an old one that might have already been written but here it goes:

Pete and Repeat are on a boat

Pete jumps off who is left?

Pete and Repeat are on a boat

Pete jumps off who is left?

Pete and Repeat are on a boat

Pete jumps off who is left?

Finally someone said Pete. Thanks for that.

What would you get if you crossed a new-born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.

I don't know why, but I like really that one
Autumn

Please Mr. Custer, I don't want to go...

Bob

I always remember a superb cartoon with General Custer standing alone, his entire army lying dead around him, and completely surrounded by thousands of indians.

The caption read, "F&@* Me!"

When I have very stressful days that image often comes back to me.

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead spider in my soup.
Yes, ma'am, they can't stand the boiling water. ...

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and iron balls?
Sparky