I know the topic is "corny jokes", but what in the world does drinking the beer have to do with the nasty bug? Maybe I'm slow on the uptake in the early morning hours on Sundays, but what's the connection!?
:)

Mike

Mike, it's not the beer that's important. It's the nasty bug as in "mean and rotten" vs a nasty bug like the "flu".

No more reading posts before 8 AM for you.

It's early again so I probably shouldn't be checking posts... but I still don't see the connection. That joke must be a personal mental blindspot

:)

Mike

Ok,

Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left him!

For restaurant workers:

I hear that this fine restaurant now offers a 'Double wide' Salad.... It's for those who can't afford the 'House' Salad...

So do you beleive in magic? Yes I do.
Do you beleive in ESP? uhmm yeah I guess so.
Tell me do you beleive in ESPN too?

:)

Eric Falconer
Houston TX

Goodie! It's my turn! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him. He ain't commin' to ya!

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are a buck fifty. Deer nuts are under a buck.

Doc! You gotta help me, I feel like a belt! He told me that's going around!

Doc! You gotta help me, I feel like a trampoline. He said "You do seem a little jumpy".

Doc! You gotta help me, I feel like a pencil. He said "Write". get it? right?

What do ghosts chew on? Booble gum!

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says, I'm sorry but you have only 6 months to live. The old man says, that's horrible, I can't get my bill paid off by then. The doctor said, okay, you have another 6 months.

What do you get when cross a bull dog with a shi tzu?
bull s#$&

What do you get when you cross a labradoor with a telephone? A golden reciever!

Okay, okay. I'm done............... for now!!!!!

Can you guys hear me alright in the back?........ That's a funny place to have ears.

A blonde called Pizza Hut to order a pizza. The guy on the phone asked her if she would like the pizza cut into 8 slices or 12. "Better make it 8," she answered. "I could never eat 12."

Caleb

An old man and an old woman go to the doctor. They tell the doctor that they are having trouble remembering things. The doctor told them that the best thing to do is to write everything down on a little notepad that they wish to remember.

Later that evening the elderly couple is sitting at home watching TV. The old lady says that she would like some ice cream and asks her husband to get her some. "You better write it down Fred, you'll forget". "I can remember that" said the old man. "You want a bowl of ice cream". "Yes" said the old lady, "but I want whipped cream on it too. You better write that down. I know you'll forget that". "That's easy to remember" said Fred, "You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream".

"Yes" said the old lady, "but I also want strawberries on it too. Fred, write that down. You'll forget it for sure". "Darn it Ellen!" Shouted Fred. "I don't have to write that down. I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and strawberries. I'll be back in a minute!"

Several minutes pass by and Fred walks back into the room carrying a plate of bacon and eggs. Ellen looks at him and said "You forgot my toast!"

:lol:

Phil

How about Drink WET CEMENT and get Stoned

I thought a shi tzu was a zoo without any animals.

Lol I think that one might be for Adults.

*Wolfie gets ready to slash his wrists*

Wolfie No Slashing your wrists. Blood causes Rust and we don't want no rust on the Razor/whatever your cutting your wrists with.

What do you get when you cross a mongoloid with a one-legged guy from Warsaw? A Polaroid one-step!

(utter silence)
Sheeseh! Everyone's a critic! Allright wise-guys, here are some jokes so corny and obvious, I'll bet you can guess the answers!!


Earlier today 3 convicts escaped when a police paddy wagon colided with a cement truck. Police and civilians are warned to be on the lookout for _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _** _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.

A man walks into a psychiatirst's office, stark naked. "Doctor, I think I'm insane" he says. the doctor replies "Well, I can clearly see you're _ _ _ _!"

I was out walking the other day when I came upon 3 deep holes in the ground, and I said "_ _ _ _, _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _."

Did you hear about the 2 tankers which collided at sea? One was carrying red paint, the other was filled with brown paint, and the passengers were all _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ for weeks!

Mama sent her husband in for an operation. Shortly after performing it, the Federal postal authorities arrested the surgeon, because he had _ _ _ _ _ _ mama's _ _ _ _.

And here's a freebie...."what time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?"....."7:30!" I'll bet you all thought the answer was "time to get a new fence' didn't you? HAH!! BOY were you EVER way off! (laughing) 'time to get a new fence!!' Psshhh!! I hope you have better luck at magic then you do at guessing punchlines!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Please do not approach this gentleman. From the above mentioned you can see that he is clearly an extremely dangerous man. If you see him coming, RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lol.

Thanks Mighty Fool

Regards
Wolflock

Guessing the punchlines. 1 Hardened Criminals 2 insane 3 ???????????? 4 Marooned 5 ????????????? any clues as to what 3 and 5 are ?

Did you hear about the gay migit....

He came out of the cupboard

Donster,
You tagged 1 & 4, but 'insane' dosent fit in the number of blanks provided. here's a clue on #2: The word 'You're' could be replaced with 'your'. And whats another way to say someone's insane?

#3: All 3 words in the answer are identical. What's another name for a deep hole?

#5: What does the postal authority deal with? What gender is a husband?

3.) WELL WELL WELL

Kudos to Wolflock!