Why is phonics not spelled phonetically?

Doctor Doctor...every time I sneeze I have an "O _ g _ _ m"

What do you take for it?

Pepper!

Posted: Sep 1, 2008 1:14pm
Tuesday night is poultry night.

Every lady gets a free goose.

What did they call World War I before WW2?...

"The Great War"

If Lassie liked cantelope, would he be a melon-collie dog?...

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140
or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa Convention
in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local
Café.

While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker con-
tained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt.
How could they swap the contents of the bottles without
spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly
this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented
ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution in-
volving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They
called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the
pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She
unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
~ Abraham Maslow

Yes, eschew obfuscation!

How can you pick out the blind man in the nudist colony?

[It's not hard.]

Some alternative state slogans:

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names ...


Posted: Sep 18, 2008 9:33pm
I heard Thomas Edison was an armature magician...

I ate a field of corn. I was telling corny jokes for the rest of my life.

"Was that corny enough guys."

Wow, were you a kernel in the army?.. ...

It's ok Joseph, I'll accept that one even though it had too much corn.

More State Mottos:

Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden’s (For Most Tax
Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes….10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes and 5000
fish...

Mottos for our members:

Kyle: Full of energy of the solar powered RJOM.

Father Photius: Where everyone bow their heads (to avoid getting hit by his beard).

Stonehinged: Has the best well built computer because he's from Germany.

Still more state mottos:

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To
An Attorney…

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable...

More members mottos:

Joseph: He gets the state of things.

Dynamike: The homie that's colder than ice.

Ok Mike, here's more:

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We’re Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State...

Yep, I got to had it to you Joseph. Those are corny jokes.

Freshly picked from the stalk.. ..