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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (5 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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The Donster
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Lol. how about putting someones license plate upside down on their car. I did that to one person and it was two weeks before they noticed it.
daffydoug
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Or until a police noticed it? Ha ha Ha!

Also, their is the old one about putting a ladies panties in the glove compartment of a guys car, and then figuring out a way for his wife to discover them!

(That one is older than the hills, but works it's magic in a very dependable way.)
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Roy McIlwee
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Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?".
The Mighty Fool
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Wait for your victim to leave their computer, then, using a screwdriver, pry up the 'M' and 'N' keys, and switch them. Their next office memo will read something like

ATTEMTIOM NARKETIMG NAMAGERS...

HA HA!!! That's a perfect way to mail sonebody you hate! Theyll feel like a total inbecille whem they fimally realize what's beem dome to then....hey....WAITANIMUTE.....aaaargghh!!! Who's beem nessing with ny conputer?!? This is MOT FUMMY!!!! I dom't beleive this! Inpaled om ny owm sword!
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
joseph
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The newly hired executioner at the gallows took 2 days of training before he got the hang of it......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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Oh well no noose is good noose.
joseph
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Did a magic show for a nudist colony....When they sat down, I thought I was getting a round of applause.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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Old lady had a broken TV in the days when they actually had TV repairmen. So she called one over to fix it.

On the TV was a bowl of peanuts. The old lady went in the other room while the repairman did his job.

He saw the peanuts, looked around, didn't see the old lady, so he sneaks a peanut and eats it.

A few minutes later, he does the same thing.

This goes on for the duration of the time he is working on the set.

Well, he finishes, and suddenly realizes that he has eaten ALL of the old woman's peanuts.

The old lady comes back in the room, and asks "well sonny, did you fix it?"

Repairman says "Yep. I got it fixed" Then, his concience gets the best of him and he fesses up. "Lady, I'm sorry, but I ate one of your peanuts, and before I knew it, I ate the whole bowl. I'm really sorry."

Old lady says "That's all right sonny. I can't eat 'em anyway. Ain't got no teeth. I just suck the chocolate off 'em!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
The Donster
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Lol would be funny to see the expression on the guys face.

Ok heres another idea for the key board. take all of the keys off and put them back on at random or alphabetical order. anyone should provide great results.
Thomas Wayne
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Quote:
On 2005-01-17 07:20, The Donster wrote:
Ok heres another idea for the key board. take all of the keys off and put them back on at random or alphabetical order. anyone should provide great results.


You guys are working way too hard. You can easily re-program the keyboard to respond differently than the standard QWERTY version. It won't hurt a genuine touch-typist - I know a legal secretary who routinely wears the labels off her keyboard - but it would certainly make it impossible for me to use.

You can also easily re-program the mouse to move sideways when pushed forward (for example) and/or to "screenwrap"; for that matter, just changing the speed and response time of their mouse will screw up the average user.

Regards,
Thomas Wayne
MOST magicians: "Here's a quarter, it's gone, you're an idiot, it's back, you're a jerk, show's over." Jerry Seinfeld
joseph
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My dog's name is Timex.....He's a watch dog.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Phil Thomas
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What did the casket say to the other casket?

Was that you coughin'?........Get it? Coffin??? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
The Donster
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Thomas Wayne how can we learn to reprogram the items you mentioned. I'm sorry but I have to try it. lol
WhiteAngel
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If bad jokes could fly, this place would be an airport!
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
joseph
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My uncle's new job has 300 people under him....He cuts the grass at the cemetary.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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Can these Jokes get any Better. I hope so.
joseph
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My other uncle is a diamond cutter....He trims the infield at Yankee Stadium.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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I had a job once in a panty hose factory being a Diesel Fitter and all you'll do all day long is pick up a pair and say These'll Fit Her Smile
Phil Thomas
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Little Johnny goes to Dairy Queen and orders a hot fudge sundae. The girl behind the counter asks little Johnny "Do you want your nuts crushed?" Little Johnny looks at her and asks "Do you want your t*ts pinched?"
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
daffydoug
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How do you catch a polar bear? easy. You buy a few cans of peas. Then you go to the north pole, and dig a giant, deep hole in the ice. Next you take the peas and pour them around the perimeter of the hole.

Then you go and hide and watch. When the Polar bear comes around and takes a pea, you kick in in the ice hole!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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