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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Bill Ligon
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The February meeting of the Procrastinators' Club has been postponed (again).
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joseph
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Did you know that Columbus actually had 4 ships when he came to America? The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria... and the 4th one fell off of the world on the way there...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol
on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle
on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why
do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's
done it again!"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
joseph
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A psychic joke teller is a comedium...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
TomBaker
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Bill...that's some GOOD stuff!! Thank's!!! (am writing the best ones down for use "around town" here!!...I am "known" as the town "magican/idiot/drunk"...and I am PROUD!!!!)

Trying to think of a "GOOD one" I had in mind earlier tonight...but it's almost 11:30 PM...and yet another "almost late night of drinking"...so will have to post this when it comes back "to mind"!!
Bill Ligon
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The other day I was in a bookstore, but because I had forgotten my glasses, I was squinting and holding the book close to my face.

The clerk, a Japanese, said "Oh, you have cataract?"

I said, "No, no, I drive a Rincoln."
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
Bill Ligon
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About a week ago, my little granddaughter asked me if I had a fairy godmother. I said, "No, but I had an uncle I had to watch!"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
Bill Ligon
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I'm still laughing about the armies in the sleevies, Joseph!

Bill
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<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
Dynamike
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Why is it that no hairy persons are bald?
Bill Ligon
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Under all that hair, I'll bet you are bald, too!
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
SeaDawg
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Is a cow with no legs considered ground beef?
Crazy people take the psycho-path thru the forest...
Dynamike
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A black person has two shadows. A white person has none.
SeaDawg
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What do you cal cheese that isn't yours?

Na-cho Cheese
Crazy people take the psycho-path thru the forest...
Bill Ligon
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I saw this man the other day with a penguin, he was
looking sad. I asked him what he was doing with a
penguin and he said that he had found it. I told him
to take it to the Zoo. And with that he left.

I saw him again this morning he was still with the
penguin, this time with a smile on his face. I asked
him about the penguin and if he had taken it to the Zoo.

He said, "Yes I did that yesterday, today we are going
to a magic show."
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
joseph
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"Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man." ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Dynamike
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Magic has to be the first profession. Because man had to have a magic wand before the next profession was invented.
joseph
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"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 85," the newspaper obit read. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Bill Ligon
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is
leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with
a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit
ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says,
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE
joseph
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My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"
"Nothing. She's just having contractions." ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
joseph
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A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer ............ and some of those peanuts."
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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