Ok these two vultures are dragging a dead deer onto a plane. and a stewardess calls out excuse me but you can't bring that dead deer on this plane and the vultures turn around and say yes we can its carry-on.

Wow, there's a lot of stuff here. I'm reluctant to add to the maddness, but here goes.

Did you know, that if you take all the people who fall asleep in church and laid them end to end, they'd be much more comfortable.

And I read all 9 pages of this thing and can't believe I didn't see this one:

How do you get a magician off your doorstep?
Pay him for the pizza.

Ok Folks anyone have any Good Magician Jokes ?

Magician invites spectator to whack him on head with 2 x 4...
He does, magician is rushed to hospital......
A week later, he wakes up, and says, "Ta-Da!".....

A magician walks through a bar.

How do you make the Masked Magician dissapear?

The bullet trick.

Why don't you drive four magicians of a cliff in a car?
You can fit a fifth in!

Har har har!!!



I LIKE that one!

A lady is ice fishing. I (I don't think I'm allowed to say the blo**e word)

Any way, she is ice fishing, and all of a sudden she hears a big booming voice, (sounds like God) say "There is no fishing allowed here, you must get off the ice now."

She looks around, shrugs her shoulders, and continues ice fishing.

The voice comes again. only louder this time "Thee is NO fishing allowed, you must get off the ice now!" Again, she shrugs her shoulders, looks around and keeps on fishing.

The third time the voice is even louder "THERE IS NO FISHING ALLOWED, YOU MUST GET OFF THE ICE NOW!!!

She keeps right on fishing.

Next thing you know, some one is tapping her on the shoulder "Hey lady, there is no fishing here, and you gotta get off the ice now, the Hockey game starts in five minutes!"

"I just got back from Iowa."
"Dubuque?"
"Well, I was a little nauseated. Tomorrow I'm going to Ohio."
"Dayton?"
"Nah... business. My wife's visiting family in Prague."
"Czech?"
"No, I believe her. We were married in Moscow."
"Russian?"
"You bet! She was 8 months pregnant!"

What's the difference between a magician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money.

kOnO

A man came to see my magic show.
After one especially amazing feat, the man from the back of the hall yelled, "How'd you do that?"

"I could tell you, sir", I replied, " But then I'd have to kill you."

After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then-just tell my wife!"

kOnO

A somewhat funny joke-

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him why he has a steering wheel in his pants. The pirate replies,"Arr, they're driving me nuts."
-Tyler

Oh dear lord.

A beautiful woman is sitting at the bar and motions for the bartender to come over. When he does, she seductively motions for him to move his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins running her fingers through his beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks. "No, I'm afraid not." replied the bartender. She then strokes his face very seductively and asks "Can you get him for me?" "I'm afraid he's not here tonight." replies the excited bartender. She then touches her fingers to his lips allowing the bartender to kiss and suck on them. "Then can you give him a message for me?" she asks. "Sure thing little lady. What is it?" She replies, "Please tell him there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies restroom."

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a ****!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you would let me go ****, you'd be a ten!"

TIM: "I must tell you, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Brenda: "How did it happen?"
Tim: "It was terrible, He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
Brenda: Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me, Did he at least go quickly?"
Tim: "Well, no, no he didn’t."
Brenda: "No?"
Tim: "No, Fact is, he got out three times to pee."


kOnO

What's the difference between a magician and a pizza?
A pizza has less cheese.

If you order you pizza with double cheese would they bring you a magician?

kOnO

That is a Gouda one! Its not Blue so it can be told here. I'm going to my Cottage now but I'll Brie right back to spread some more humor on you. I see you Cheddar with anticipation. Don't worry, I'm not a Munster. Feel free to Colby any time on the phone. Please don't be Feta up with me. I know you like these.

- Jack from Monterey

I SWISS you would'nt have said all that


kOnO

I'm sure he wasn't Yolking around Eather

That was as pleasent as Limburger.