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The Donster![]() Inner circle 4817 Posts ![]() |
Ok these two vultures are dragging a dead deer onto a plane. and a stewardess calls out excuse me but you can't bring that dead deer on this plane and the vultures turn around and say yes we can its carry-on.
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13ofhearts![]() New user Fayetteville, AR 21 Posts ![]() |
Wow, there's a lot of stuff here. I'm reluctant to add to the maddness, but here goes.
Did you know, that if you take all the people who fall asleep in church and laid them end to end, they'd be much more comfortable. And I read all 9 pages of this thing and can't believe I didn't see this one: How do you get a magician off your doorstep? Pay him for the pizza.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. --Groucho Marx
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The Donster![]() Inner circle 4817 Posts ![]() |
Ok Folks anyone have any Good Magician Jokes ?
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17308 Posts ![]() |
Magician invites spectator to whack him on head with 2 x 4...
He does, magician is rushed to hospital...... A week later, he wakes up, and says, "Ta-Da!".....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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juggler13![]() New user 97 Posts ![]() |
A magician walks through a bar.
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WhiteAngel Loyal user West Virginia, USA 269 Posts ![]() |
How do you make the Masked Magician dissapear?
The bullet trick. ![]()
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
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Toasty![]() New user Wales 36 Posts ![]() |
Why don't you drive four magicians of a cliff in a car?
You can fit a fifth in!
life is magical-in one way or another...
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daffydoug![]() Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14072 Posts ![]() |
Quote:
On 2005-01-19 02:32, 13ofhearts wrote: Har har har!!! Quote:
On 2005-01-19 11:52, WhiteAngel wrote: I LIKE that one! A lady is ice fishing. I (I don't think I'm allowed to say the blo**e word) Any way, she is ice fishing, and all of a sudden she hears a big booming voice, (sounds like God) say "There is no fishing allowed here, you must get off the ice now." She looks around, shrugs her shoulders, and continues ice fishing. The voice comes again. only louder this time "Thee is NO fishing allowed, you must get off the ice now!" Again, she shrugs her shoulders, looks around and keeps on fishing. The third time the voice is even louder "THERE IS NO FISHING ALLOWED, YOU MUST GET OFF THE ICE NOW!!! She keeps right on fishing. Next thing you know, some one is tapping her on the shoulder "Hey lady, there is no fishing here, and you gotta get off the ice now, the Hockey game starts in five minutes!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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CamelotFX![]() Special user Minnesota 596 Posts ![]() |
"I just got back from Iowa."
"Dubuque?" "Well, I was a little nauseated. Tomorrow I'm going to Ohio." "Dayton?" "Nah... business. My wife's visiting family in Prague." "Czech?" "No, I believe her. We were married in Moscow." "Russian?" "You bet! She was 8 months pregnant!" |
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kOnO![]() Special user 551 Posts ![]() |
What's the difference between a magician and a savings bond?
One of them eventually matures and earns money. kOnO A man came to see my magic show. After one especially amazing feat, the man from the back of the hall yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir", I replied, " But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then-just tell my wife!" kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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Tyler_Magician![]() Special user 509 Posts ![]() |
A somewhat funny joke-
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks him why he has a steering wheel in his pants. The pirate replies,"Arr, they're driving me nuts." -Tyler |
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Phil Thomas![]() Inner circle Newark, Ohio 1117 Posts ![]() |
Oh dear lord.
A beautiful woman is sitting at the bar and motions for the bartender to come over. When he does, she seductively motions for him to move his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins running her fingers through his beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks. "No, I'm afraid not." replied the bartender. She then strokes his face very seductively and asks "Can you get him for me?" "I'm afraid he's not here tonight." replies the excited bartender. She then touches her fingers to his lips allowing the bartender to kiss and suck on them. "Then can you give him a message for me?" she asks. "Sure thing little lady. What is it?" She replies, "Please tell him there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies restroom."
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."
Albert Einstein |
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k![]() Loyal user Marseille 283 Posts ![]() |
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a ****!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you would let me go ****, you'd be a ten!"
I'm just a blind Con that lost his I...
remember, Magic's everywhere... ("Your are the magic !" - Albert Goshman) "Voici mon secret. Il est très simple. On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux" St-Exupéry |
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kOnO![]() Special user 551 Posts ![]() |
TIM: "I must tell you, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
Brenda: "How did it happen?" Tim: "It was terrible, He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." Brenda: Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me, Did he at least go quickly?" Tim: "Well, no, no he didn’t." Brenda: "No?" Tim: "No, Fact is, he got out three times to pee." kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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Patrick Differ![]() Inner circle 1540 Posts ![]() |
What's the difference between a magician and a pizza?
A pizza has less cheese.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy; The way into my parlour is up a winding stair, And I've a many curious things to show when you are there. Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain, For who goes up your winding stair -can ne'er come down again. |
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kOnO![]() Special user 551 Posts ![]() |
Quote:
On 2005-01-20 09:53, Patrick Differ wrote: If you order you pizza with double cheese would they bring you a magician? kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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bnadworn![]() Regular user Western New York 131 Posts ![]() |
That is a Gouda one! Its not Blue so it can be told here. I'm going to my Cottage now but I'll Brie right back to spread some more humor on you. I see you Cheddar with anticipation. Don't worry, I'm not a Munster. Feel free to Colby any time on the phone. Please don't be Feta up with me. I know you like these.
- Jack from Monterey
"They say the hand is quicker than the eye but I won't believe it until I see it."
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kOnO![]() Special user 551 Posts ![]() |
I SWISS you would'nt have said all that
kOnO
It is a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
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The Donster![]() Inner circle 4817 Posts ![]() |
I'm sure he wasn't Yolking around Eather
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WhiteAngel Loyal user West Virginia, USA 269 Posts ![]() |
That was as pleasent as Limburger.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
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