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Bill Ligon![]() Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts ![]() |
A magician opened his refrigerator and found his rabbit sitting inside.
"What are yo you doing in the Frigidaire?" he cried. The rabbit replied, "This isn't a Fwigidaire. This is a Westinghouse!" "Then, what are you doing in the Westinghouse?" the magician asked. The rabbit answered, "Westing."
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
And what about those hedgehogs? Why can't they just share the hedge?...
(This actually won the England joke contest.)...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bill Ligon![]() Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts ![]() |
A young girl went to the doctor. At one point during the visit, the doctor placed the stethoscope on her chest and said, "big breaths."
She replied, "Yeth, and I am only fourteen!"
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
Doctor, Doctor can you please help me out?
Yes, over there, the same way that you came in...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Dynamike![]() Eternal Order FullTimer 24148 Posts ![]() |
The audience gave Photius a nice applause only because they thought it was Dynamike.
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!" Do you have the airfield in sight?" Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Dynamike![]() Eternal Order FullTimer 24148 Posts ![]() |
A man walked into a fish market and asked the worker, "Why are your fish rotten?" The worker said, "Long time no sea."
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Dynamike![]() Eternal Order FullTimer 24148 Posts ![]() |
No offense guys, but why do Caucasians have no shadows?
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
John was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter," he shouted, "Didn't you hear me say, 'well done'?"
"Oh, thank you, sir," replied the waiter. "I hardly ever get a compliment." ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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55john55![]() Regular user 136 Posts ![]() |
My grandmother was obsessed with Houdini. She wanted to see him do a magic trick. She found him and followed him. Finally one day she saw him walk down the street and turn into a drug store.
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MagicBus![]() Inner circle Kalamazoo, Michigan 2869 Posts ![]() |
Q: "Waiter, why do you have your thumb in my steak?"
A:"Well, I did not want it to fall off the plate again. Besides, it's not hot." |
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
You Know You've Been Drinking Way Too Much Coffee When.....
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You're so jittery that people use your hands to shake paint cans. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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55john55![]() Regular user 136 Posts ![]() |
Waiter, waiter there's a fly in my soup!
Well if you wanted him in your desert you should have said so. Waiter, waiter there's a fly in my soup! That's not a fly sir, that's dirt in the shape of a fly. Waiter, waiter there's a fly in my soup! Better than soup on your fly sir. |
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
What does an eagle like to write with?
A bald-point pen...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Sixten![]() Inner circle Floral Park, NY, U.S.A. 4655 Posts ![]() |
"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the
Preacher says. Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the Preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The Preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy. After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks: "Leroy, how is your hearing now?" Leroy says: "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't until next Wednesday!" ![]() |
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The Donster![]() Inner circle 4817 Posts ![]() |
A older woman went to the Doctor. At one point during the visit, the Doctors palced the stethoscope on her chest, said, big breaths!!. She said, "Well, they used to be!"
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joseph![]() Eternal Order Please ignore my 17309 Posts ![]() |
If you owned the last ice cream parlor in the country, would you call it "Custards Last Stand?" ...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bill Ligon![]() Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts ![]() |
Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero
instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor. They were the first roller coasters. Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest. They called them ferrous wheels.
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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Bill Ligon![]() Inner circle A sure sign of a misspent youth: 6437 Posts ![]() |
How can you recognize a dogwood tree?
By its bark!
Author of THE HOLY ART: Bizarre Magick From Naljorpa's Cave. NOW IN HARDCOVER! VIEW: <BR>www.lulu.com/content/1399405 ORDER: http://stores.lulu.com/naljorpa
<BR>A TASSEL ON THE LUNATIC FRINGE |
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