I just read about a poor illusionist whose tiger was accidentally run over by a steamroller! He didn't say anything... just stood there with a long puss.

Two mentalists meet on the street and one says: "You're fine. How am I?"

I guy was getting married and his three friends got together to plan a good wedding night prank to play on him. One of the friends was an electrician. He said, “I can rig the bed to give them a good shock when it starts bouncing.” One of the friends was a carpenter. He said, “That’s great, and I can rig it to then completely collapse.” The other friend was a dentist and he couldn’t think of anything to add.

When their newly married friend got back from his honeymoon he said, “Alright, the electric shock and the collapsing bed were kind of funny. But when I get my hands on the joker who put the novocain in the KY jelly…”

- VR

A man goes to the doctor and says, "my problem is I'm invisible." The doctor says, "NEXT."

A cruise ship magician starts his act on his first night at sea when the captain's parrot flies into the room and sits on the table. After the first trick the parrot squawks "Awk! Thumb Tip!" The magician moves on to his next trick, after which the parrot squawks "Byaaak! Invisible thread!" So the magician breaks out a deck of cards and does a trick. The parrot yells "Brawk! Royal Road, Page 83!" Just then the boiler explodes and the ship sinks. An hour later, the magician is clinging to a piece of floating debris when the parrot flies over and lands. The parrot looks at him and says: "Awk! Copperfield!"

Gee this has to be one of the longest threads in this section.

An old couple were married for sixty years, and it was their anniversary morning.

The old fellow is sitting at the breakfast table reading the newspaper, when his wife comes in totally nude and says 'Honey, do you know what today is?" he says "No what?"

She says "It's our sixtieth wedding anniversary." He just kind of grumbles under his breath.

The old lady says ' Just think, honey, sixty years ago tonight, you were hum*ing me like there was no tommorow"

The old man just grumbles, and trys to ignore her.

She continues. "Honey do you still love me?" He grumbles.

She says, "Honey..." He says "What?" She says " My pretty pink nip**es are just as HOT for you now as they were sixty years ago!"

Old man says "Yeah. It's no *** wonder. One's hanging in your coffee, and the other's in your oatmeal!!"

I have the brain of a criminal genious. I keep it in the freezer, next to mother.

Next time someone says it will cost you a arm and a leg. get ahold of a used manequin and take the arm and leg off and bring it to the person/place.

Or do the gag about handing them a "hand" when they say "hey, can you give me a hand?"

Or pulling a fake head. and hand it to the spec. and ask them why do you think you just handed it to them. you can reply because evreybody wants to get a Head in this World.

Two men in a sauna. The first one says to the second one, "Do you want to see a magic trick?"
Second guy says, "Sure."
"OK. Face away from me and get down on your hands and knees."
Second guy turns around and gets down on all fours.
"There," says the first one, "... does that feel like you've got a thumb up your butt?"
"Yes!"
The first guy waves both of his hands in the air, "Magic!"



Sorry
kOnO

What do you call a one eye fish....fIsh

What do you call a no eye fish.....fsh

Michael

"How's the act going?" says one magician to another.
"Not so good," says the second. "My partner and I split up."
"Really?" says the first. "What about your lovely assistant?"
"Not so good," says the second. "We sawed her in half and split her too."
"That's terrible!" says the first.
"You're telling me," says the second. "I got the half that eats."

Why do muslim women blow their selves up

I am afriad to ask.

a cyc???

Michael

"I got a new zombie ball and silk for my wife
...best trade I ever made."

kOnO

So they can have a day off.

OH MY DEAR GOD!!! THAT IS HILARIOUS! ROFLMAO! EXCUSE ME WHILE I SPLIT MY SIDE.

A little old man is driving his wife home from church when they are pulled over by a police officer. The officer approached the window and asked the old man if he knew why he was pulled over. The old man yelled "Sonny, I have no idea why you pulled me over. I wasn't breaking any laws." Politely the officer informed the old man he was speeding and the old man replied "NO I WASN'T! I was driving five mile under the speed limit. Why don't you go find a real criminal to hastle" Exasperated the officer looks over to the little old lady and asks "Mam, you have an honest face. Can you tell me if you husband was speeding?" The little old lady looks up at the officer and says "Sir, after 46 years of marriage I have learned not to argue with him when he has been drinking."

I don't know if I have posted this joke here or not. I am under the weather and my memory is shot due to the medicine. Laughter is the best medicine. This is my favorite joke joke of all time.

Get well, Will or Wally, and that's an interesting ice-pack you have on your heads!

Did ya hear 'bout the Rubber Chicken that was hit by a GreyHound Bus???
It was Poultry in Motion :O)
-SW SAM