Some old age games:

1.)Sag, You're it
2.)20 questions shouted into your good ear
3.)Kick the bucket
4.)Simon says something incoherent
5.)Hide and go pee
6.)Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
7.)Musical recliners ...

What does the Enterprise Run on?
Spock Plugs

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if
you had to arrest your own mother?"
He answered, "Call for backup."...

Why did the tomato blush...it saw the salad dressing.

A man hits this lady and calls 911.

The operator asks, "Where are you at"?
He replies, "I'm on Eucolipstic Road."

The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?"

"Well... I'll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?"...

Santa Claus was slapped with a law suit for saying. "Ho, ho, ho" in front of the children.

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Mohandas Gandhi was a political and spiritual leader who walked hundreds of miles, barefoot, during his protests against the British Empire throughout the '20s - '40s; he subsisted on a vegetarian diet when he was not fasting for either self-purification or social protest.

To what end?
.
.
.
He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


Graham

What is the loudest state?
Illi-noise...

What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy politician? Chelsea

When do asian spiders eat?..

Every Fly-day...

How many Country Singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
5, 1 to change it, and 4 to sing about how much they miss the old one ...

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half...

How many members of the Enterprise does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Seven. Scotty notices a lightbulb's burned out but doesn't have a replacement, so Kirk, Spock, McCoy and three security guards beam down to a planet to get some. The guards are killed immediately, and Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are captured by natives. McCoy then cures the native chief's cold, who in gratitude gives them a lightbulb and lets them go. They then beam back up to the ship, and Scotty replaces the bulb.This was the original script for Star Trek VI, but Roddenberry had second thoughts.

He's so old they've cancelled his blood type. ..

How many government employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
549--435 representatives to pass the Illumination Act, 1 president to veto it, 100 senators and 1 presiding vice president to override the President's veto, 3 clerk to notarize the triplicate application for the lightbulb's screwing-in, 1 Department of Lightbulb Installation chairman to approve the screwing in of the lightbulb, and 8 Supreme Court justices to declare the Illumination Act unconstitutional. (The lightbulb never actually does get screwed in).

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?...

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work - and then we retire. And what do they give us? A clock...

TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX: The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.