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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
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What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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Please ignore my
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If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get missle toe?....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
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Why do walrusses go to tupperware parties? To find a tight seal!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
GEMINI
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Lawyer's oath: I'll tell the TRUTH, the whole TRUTH, nothing but the TRUTH!

Dentist's oath: I'll take out the TOOTH, the whole TOOTH, nothing but the TOOTH!
The Mirror Images
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Dear Xnix Technologies Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded one of your programs from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began an unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5 .0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but I do not know how to uninstall Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User.



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
It is due to a great misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating system files will cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing will be gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. Also, you cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but ended up with more problems than with the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "YESDEAR" to alleviate software hang-ups. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'!
(GPFs.)

Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during its monthly program maintenance scan (PMS). You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE.

Avoid excessive use of C:YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the C:APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0, should this happen.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
XniX TechnologiesTech Support
©Jeremy Laine (aka, Secretgraphix) DBA XniX Technologies.


I have yet to try the program. Any who has please put up a review.

Michael
Steven and Michael, The Mirror Images
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Whitewolfny
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Mandrake01,
okay after that one I can only say "You're fired."
Braxton Mannar
<BR>Just an old dog trying to learn new tricks Smile
joseph
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia............
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
daffydoug
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You might be a redneck if....

You can't get married to your sweet heart because there is a law against it....

Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people"...

You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids...

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean....

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it...

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk...

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the "house of tatoos"...

You have been married three times and still have the same in laws...

The halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse...

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by the ceiling fan...

You think the last words of the star spangled banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines"...
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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What do you call a Gorilla with earmuffs on. anything you want Because he can't hear you.
joseph
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Donster
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Be sure you get the right suits you'll rather look like a King then a Joker.
daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
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A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.

All the hillbillies in the bar look up, expecting to se some pitiful yankee from the north.

The bartender says 'Y'all aint from around here, are ya?"

The guy says "No. I'm from Canada."

The bartender says "What do you do in Canada?" The guy says "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender says "What in tarnation is a taxidermist?" "Do you drive a taxi?"

The guy says "No. A Taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

The bartender grins and hollers "It's OK boys. He's one of us!!!"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
joseph
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If a long dress is evening wear, is a suit of armor Silverware?......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Rickfcm
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lower Michigan
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What do you call a bear with not teeth. A gummy bear.
The Donster
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If the suit of Armor covers all of you would it be considered Armor All then ?
Sonny Vegas
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When Noah's ARK reached it's final destination, he proclaimed to all the animals, "Be free, Go forth and multipy!" All the animals went their merry ways to live free and multiply. Noah noticed 2 snakes that did'nt leave the Ark. " Two snakes, why do you not follow my word to be free, go forth and multiply?" One snake looked at Noah and replied, " We can't, we're just 'adders'."

(insert snare drum here)
Believe in yourself and the magic will come.

www.SonnyVegas.com
www.TheVegasBrothers.com
joseph
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And the 2 amoeba's could not go because they were dividers.....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
juggler13
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I'm the king of one-liners
I can't remember two
joseph
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils......
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Some corny jokes (4 Likes)
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