I was in a restaurant the other night when I tried to catch the waitress' eye -- but it rolled under somebody else' table!

Why don't chickens wear pants?

cause their peckers are on their face!

I am really sorry...I just found it kindof humorous...

I used to go out with a girl who had long shining black hair -- hanging down from her armpits.

I remember the first time I kissed her. Her eyes said "Yes! Yes!" but there was no nose on her face.

Her name was Virginia. I called her "Virgin" for short, but not for long.

I was watching the news just the other day when something came on that I just had to tell...

THERE WAS A KID BORN WITHOUT HIS EYELIDS!!!!!!!

It happened in Michigan. The kid was a boy and when he emerged from his mother it was noticed that he lacked eyelids!!

So, it is a scientific fact that you cannot live without your eyelids, so when the doctors circumcised him, they just took the skin tissue from down below and used it to surgically install eyelids.

After the surgery, the doctors made an anouncement:

"The surgery was a complete success! The kid is a little COCK-EYED but other than that he should be just fine!

BWAHAHAHAHA...okay...I have had enough...

My first job was proofreading at the M&M factory.....
I used to make chocolate chip cookies, but I got tired of sweeping all the
M&M shells off the floor......

Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.....

What did the Nanny Goat say to the Billy Goat?

You can hug me and kiss me, but please don't kid me.

Why did the ram run off the cliff?



He didn't see the ewe turn!

Bill, you got a million of em'!

Bill Ligon Keep The Gnu Jokes Coming we need them.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn

I think my wife has been cheating on me. Every time I come home the parrot yells "Quick! Out the window!"

A preacher once said to me, "Young man, do you entertain evil thoughts?"

I replied, "No sir, as a matter of fact, they entertain me!"

A teacher says it's impossible to be swallowed by a whale
littlergirl-"Jonah got swallowed by a whale"
teacher-"No it's impossible"
LG-" when I go to heaven I'll ask him"
T-"He didn't go to heaven"
LG-" Then you ask him"

I just moved upstairs from a bank, and now my assets over 3 million dollars.....

Most guys have to search for women, but the guitar player has his pick.

......She was ugly- She even worked at the local cookie factory.

In fact she was so ugly they used to push her face in the dough to make the Gorilla Biscuits!!!...............

She was the kind of woman men look at twice. They don't believe it the first time.

Q: "How many women can a man marry?"
A: "Sixteen," add it up,
the Preacher said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

kOnO

A termite walks into a saloon and asks, "Is your bar-tender here?"