The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Comedy announcements (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3~4 [Next]
dr chutney
View Profile
Special user
United Kingdom
518 Posts

Profile of dr chutney
I have done this one before, but it needs to be on a Saturday night ( or Wednesday in the UK) after the Lottery result would be in.

"Ladies and gentlemen, before we go on I have some numbers here that may be important to some of you here. The numbers I have are 4, 9, 21, 36, 45, 46 and finally 7. Just to repeat those, that's 4,9,21,36,45,46 and 7. ( Wave piece of paper in air ) So, if anybody has mislaid their Chinese takeaway order please see me afterwards.
We're having a laugh!
Grab yourself a FREE Joke Ebook at http://thejester.biz
tctahoe
View Profile
V.I.P.
Lakeland Fl.
702 Posts

Profile of tctahoe
Yes, calling someone an as****e is a bit harsh…but then again, people who don’t turn the ringers off on their phones during a performance are as****es…

“Attention ladies and gentleman…we have an announcement for the man who lost the gold Rolex watch…we are happy to report…it is now 10:00pm!”
M. Perk
View Profile
Loyal user
Hilton Head Island
292 Posts

Profile of M. Perk
If you spot 2 bald guys sitting together in the Audience, say Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce in the Audience tonight, Ms. Dolly Parton. Whoops sorry guys.
Pete Biro
View Profile
1933 - 2018
18558 Posts

Profile of Pete Biro
I had two versions of a similar gag.

First one: I had a handkerchief set up so I could slip my hand into it and bring it out of my pocket so it looked like my hand was bandaged. I spattered red paint on it to look like blood. The second version I used with a handcuff on one wrist.

I'd enter and say, "Amazing thing happened just before the show, there was an argument at the bar and a guy pulled out a knife and before he stabbed anyone a guy grabbed it away from him and stabbed HIM in the hand..." I then bring out my bloody wrapped hand and say, pointing with that hand... "He was seen running out the bar, up the stairs and into the theater."

Handcuff gag was similar about a fight and the cops grabbed the guy and started to put the cuffs on him but he got away and ran... etc. etc.
STAY TOONED... @ www.pete-biro.com
styck13
View Profile
Regular user
165 Posts

Profile of styck13
Quote:
On 2007-03-21 00:11, Brent McLeod wrote:
Good announcements-very funny some of them

Does anyone have anything similar regarding cellphones at a theatre etc

appreciate any comments

Thanks again

-Brent

I'm not sure where this came from but I've used it a time or two.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have a great show lined up for you, but first we have a few rules that we have to go by.

(roll eyes and act like OH NO!!!! RULES...Also I get the audience to go..."aaaaaawwwwwe!" with me).

First... this is a no smoking theater, if we see you smoking, we're going to assume that you're on fire and take the appropriate measures. Also please turn your cell phones off or on "pleasure mode" so not to interupt the performers or your fellow guests..

(I just try to move on like I didn't say anything unusual..it usually takes a second for the audience to catch that one)

Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, should we loose cabin pressure and oxygen mask will fall from the ceiling and in the unlikely event that we're in an accident your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device. Thank You! ...NOW ON WITH THE SHOW.

needless to say this is where I work in any other "rules" of the evening. you k now..flash photography, screaming kids, blah blah blah.
ROBERT BLAKE
View Profile
Inner circle
1472 Posts

Profile of ROBERT BLAKE
Great thanks
Aidan
View Profile
New user
Niceville, FL
27 Posts

Profile of Aidan
WOW!
Now I'm going to have to find a old license plate... one that's kinda mangled and barely readable... add a puff of smoke or a small flame...

"Will the owner of the...what color was this? Oh, we don't know. Will the owner of the new Lexus, plate number...uhh..."

I love this!
Integrity is all that is truly yours, everything else, can be taken from you in an instant!
Justin Style
View Profile
Inner circle
2010 Posts

Profile of Justin Style
Quote:
On 2004-10-13 22:09, paulajayne wrote:
Hi

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE


SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS

"To the hilarious gentleman who just showed me his bum, can I suggest that you join a gym or go on a diet before waving it around in future!"

Paula



Hubba Bubba! HELLLOOO BETTY!
magicmanfrank
View Profile
Inner circle
1127 Posts

Profile of magicmanfrank
I always liked this one for use if the show is starting late or you can just purposely wait a couple of minutes past the show's starting time!

(Announcer)

"Ladies & Gentlemen we apologize for the late start, as we were hoping to introduce tonight's special guest and longtime Magic Enthusiast,

Father Frances Delay.

Unfortunately we just got word that he will not be able to join us this evening so.....WITHOUT FATHER DELAY,(sounds like Further Delay),

*Pause & wait for groans to subside*

...let's begin the show!!!"

=Frank=
The Early Bird may get the Worm, but it's the SECOND Mouse that gets the CHEESE!!!



Frank Thurston

www.FrankThurstonMagic.com

https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Magic-of-Frank-Thurston/116625117910?ref=nf
Sal Amangka
View Profile
Special user
Manila, Philippines
712 Posts

Profile of Sal Amangka
Greetings,

I know a Café member Tim Hanning (i hope I got the name correct), got a cd out full of comedy annoucement you can use for your shows.

This thread is full of great stuffs as well!

Sal
Salamangka in Filipino means "Magic"
http://www.thechubstershow.com
thechubstershow@gmail.com
The Village Idiots
View Profile
Elite user
Orlando
464 Posts

Profile of The Village Idiots
Once Wally (my other half) accidently said:

"We will need complete silence, so please turn your cell phones off and your vibrators to page mode."

I can't get him to ever say it again but it killed.

Will
Some are born idiots.

Some are made idiots.

Some have idiocy thrust upon them.
MJ Marrs
View Profile
Inner circle
Los Angeles
1119 Posts

Profile of MJ Marrs
I remember hearing an introduction at the Magic Castle one time for a performer (I think that it was Rich Bloch) that went SOMETHING like this:

There is a magician who is truly respected by his peers. He travels the world performing for royalty. He has become a legend in every city he performs at.

Unfortunately THAT magician couldn't be here tonight...

However, we were able to get (fill in the blank) who is one of the best in his price range...

Please put your hands together and welcome...

I don't remember the real scripting of the announcement, but I think that you'll get the general idea. It got a big laugh and it set the stage for the performer's onstage persona.
Wanlu
View Profile
Inner circle
Manila, Philippines
3058 Posts

Profile of Wanlu
I had a pal (Apollo Abrahan,who does voice recordings for TV and RADIO commercials) do a voice over for my show intro...recorded at Rannie "THE BOSS" Raymundo's recording studio...and it went something like this...


Ladies and Gentlemen...Boys and Girls...presenting your best choice for magical entertainment, the country's number one magician...please welcome...errr huh? the number one magician is not around? ...who's here...who? Wanlu? what the...okay....errrr....Ladies and Gentlemen, please disregard my previous introduction, please welcome instead...THE COMEDY AND MAGIC OF WANLU...

Rannie added some great fanfare and drumroll effects... Smile Funny Stuff Smile

I use it everytime Smile

Wanlu
"The Old Path"
www.angdatingdaan.org

Wanlu's Affordable Puppets
http://wanlu.net/ventpuppets.html

Wanlu and his Puppets
http://wanlu.net
Wanlu
View Profile
Inner circle
Manila, Philippines
3058 Posts

Profile of Wanlu
This happened last Sunday in a Birthday party where I was the Emcee and Magician...

...the mom (party host) asked me to announce that there's beer for the gentlemen...and I also noticed that there was a fruitshake booth...

So...I announced... Ladies and Gentlemen, while we are waiting for the party to start, Id like to inform you that we have beer for the men...

(After a few seconds)

I also want to inform you that we have yummy fruitshakes for the children...

(After a few seconds)

Errr... let me just make sure I made that clear...Gentlemen-Beer....Children- Fruitshakes... okay?

and I heard a few folks laugh Smile
"The Old Path"
www.angdatingdaan.org

Wanlu's Affordable Puppets
http://wanlu.net/ventpuppets.html

Wanlu and his Puppets
http://wanlu.net
rannie
View Profile
Inner circle
4355 Posts

Profile of rannie
Quote:
On 2007-05-09 12:11, Wanlu wrote:
I had a pal (Apollo Abrahan,who does voice recordings for TV and RADIO commercials) do a voice over for my show intro...recorded at Rannie "THE BOSS" Raymundo's recording studio...and it went something like this...


Ladies and Gentlemen...Boys and Girls...presenting your best choice for magical entertainment, the country's number one magician...please welcome...errr huh? the number one magician is not around? ...who's here...who? Wanlu? what the...okay....errrr....Ladies and Gentlemen, please disregard my previous introduction, please welcome instead...THE COMEDY AND MAGIC OF WANLU...

Rannie added some great fanfare and drumroll effects... Smile Funny Stuff Smile

I use it everytime Smile

Wanlu



I'm glad you use it all the time. As I have said before.... ANYTIME WANLU!

Rannie
"If you can't teach an old dog new tricks, trick the old dog to learn."

-Rannie Raymundo-
aka The Boss
aka The Manila Enforcer

www.rannieraymundo.com
www.tapm.proboards80.net
alcorm1
View Profile
New user
Lancaster NH
64 Posts

Profile of alcorm1
I have both Tim Hannings Show Starts CD and The Magic Enhancer CD. Both are full of great announcements already recorded for you. I get great reactions from the audience mixing these with music prior to the start of the show. Both of these CD's are highly recommnded.
Magic Enhancer
View Profile
Inner circle
Robert Haas
1805 Posts

Profile of Magic Enhancer
Thank you very much Alcorn. I'm looking forward to releasing Volume 2 around the winter time. It will have some more very funny announcements. And, for those who haven't heard, we'll be releasing an updated effect of "Vanishing Bandana" sometime this summer. On the CD will be two bonus tracks that will not be available elsewhere.

Robert Haas
http://www.MagicEnhancer.com
Robert Haas
Magic Enhancer
Quality magic products for the working professional.
www.MagicEnhancer.com
Tim Hannig
View Profile
Inner circle
Chicago area
1093 Posts

Profile of Tim Hannig
Glad you liked my cd!
Author of PERFORM, the 2020 Magic Cafe Book of the Year

"I loved this book!" Ken Weber

"4 out of 4 stars!" Nick Lewin

"This will be a classic of magic!" Mark Pocan


performbettershows.com
The Donster
View Profile
Inner circle
4817 Posts

Profile of The Donster
Does anyone know or have any funny announcements with License plates or Cars Parked ?
Magic Enhancer
View Profile
Inner circle
Robert Haas
1805 Posts

Profile of Magic Enhancer
Donster,

Magic Enahncer volume 1 has some funny announcements on it. Volume 2 will have more announcements, some of which will have car references.

Robert Haas
Robert Haas
Magic Enhancer
Quality magic products for the working professional.
www.MagicEnhancer.com
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Comedy announcements (0 Likes)
 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3~4 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2021 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.26 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL