Two Irish guys walk out of a bar.....hahahaha.

A termite walked in to a bar and ask"is the bar tender here?"

A dyslexic walks into a Bra...

A guy with ADD walks into a.......I'm sorry, what did you say?

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimmee a beer...and a mop!"

John Kerry walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face?"

Why was the Roman Happy Because He Was Gladiator

Young Drunk stublwes out of a bar and staggers past a river where a baptizing is going on.
The priest turns to his congregation and says, "looks like we may have a convert aproaching."
Two big guys grab the drunk and push him head first into the river. Bringing him out the priest asks, "Did you see the Lord?"
Drunk shakes his head and they dunk him under again.
Bringing him out the priest asks, "Did you see the Lord?"
Drunk shakes his head and they dunk him under again.
Bringing him out the priest asks, "Did you see the Lord?"
Drunk replies, "Are you sure he is down there?"

An attractive young woman walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "What can I get you?"

The woman says, "I'd like a Double Entendre."

So he gives her one.

Yours,

Paul

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she signals him to bring his face closer to hers. When he does she begins to gently caress his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands "Actually, no," the man replied. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak with him" she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "What should I tell him?" the bartender barely manages to ask. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the restroom


Michael

Ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer. The barman looks at him and says "Sorry mate, we don't serve food in here.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,
"Yes, I'm positive."

It's a really, REALLY rough bar, and a gay guy walks in.

He shouts "Whoever can guess what I have in my purse can go home with me for a night of delirious sex!"

The biggest, meanest bruiser in the bar walks up to him and says "Yeah, ya disgusting fairy? ... it's a purple hippopotamus with li'l pink polky dots!"

The gay guy looks in the purse, smiles and says "We have a WINNER!"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer... and a mop."

Jesus, God and The Holy Spirit, all walk into a bar. The theme of the bar is uncertainty, no-one knows who they are, what they're doing there or when they will leave (so basically like a normal bar!) God and Jesus order a pint each and start downing them like there's no tomorrow-which of course there might not be-and the holy spirit goes to the pin ball machine.

After a while, god and jesus call on the strippers, who aren't real strippers, but metaphysical strippers, stripping away the layers of reality surrounding them. Suddenly there is a strange noise: The holy spirit has got the high score on the pinball machine. He puts in his initials, but they are HS, which is the same as the initials of High Score, so its as if the whole thing...never really happened...

3 men walk into a bar, no, 10 men, actually, a village, or a town, perhaps a city, no, the whole world walks into a bar, the whole universe walks into a bar. How about that then? The first guy walks up to the bar man: "I'll get this"

Ha! What an idiot! Check out Bill Bailey for some really imaginitive bar jokes!

A neutron walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?"

The neutron says, "Make it a beer."

As the neutron is finishing his beer, he says to the bartender, "What do I owe you?"

The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

Yours,

Paul

A guy brings his monkey in a bar the monkey jumps up on the counter and sticks a peanut in his behind, then eats it. The bartender asks why it did that, to which the man replied, last week he ate a pool ball, now he sizes it first.

A guy walks into a bar . . . Ouch ! ! !

Two chickens walking alongside the road. One says to the other, "I'm crossing over to that Bar."

"NO! Don't." Came the reply, "We'll never hear the end of it!"

2 rugged looking fellows with death in their eyes walked into the bar and instantly the whole bar became silent.

they apporached the bar table and one ordered a pint of beer and another ordered brandy. both started to drink and after a couple of drinks, they were becoming tipsy

suddenly, one of the men shouted at the top of his voice to his partner
"I SLEPT WITH YOU MUMMY!!"

the bar was engulfed with silence, with people shivering, expecting a fight

Again , the shout came again but this time more obscene
"I #$%KED YOUR MUMMY LAST NITE!"

this is when the other bulky fellow slammed his fist on the bar and stood up. The expectations of a fight was high

This was when the other guy responded with
"Dad! you're drunk again!"