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251 Posts

Profile of dan84
2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "do you know how to drive this thing?"
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Profile of dan84
Did you here about the irish woodworm........... They found him in a brick
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Profile of dan84
Whats the definition of balance?
A pregnant hunchback
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Kalamazoo, Mi.
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Profile of Jaxon
I sometimes open my show with this joke. I usually say it after my first applaud.

"Thank you... I am a deaf magician so please applaud loudly. On the other hand if you don't like anything I do go ahead and boo. I can't hear you anyway.

Speaking of that. We deaf people don't applaud like most people do because we can't hear the clapping. We applaud like this"

(wiggling fingers)

"One day I walked into a bar and everyone in the place stood up and started applauding like this. It was great. I have to admit I was feeling a little big headed at all these people applauding to me.

Then a guy next to me bumped me with his elbow and said...

Put your hands up you idiot. We're being robbed!"

Ron Jaxon

After regaining my ability to hear after 20 years of deafness. I learned that there is magic all around you. The simplest sounds that amazed me you probably ignore. Look and listen around you right now. You'll find something you didn't notice before.
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Shorewood, IL.
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Profile of jskalon
A red head, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender to the Red: what will you have
Red Head: "A BL"
Bartender: What's A BL
Red Head: DUH.. A Bud Lite
Bartender to Brunette: what will you have
Brunette: A ML
Bartender: What's A ML
Brunette: DUH.. A Miller Lite
Bartender to Blonde: what will you have
Blonde: a 15
Bartender: What's a 15?
Blonde: DUH> A Seven Seven
Jack Skalon

"That's my story and I'm stickin' to it"
ed rhodes
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Rhode Island
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Profile of ed rhodes
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a Tom Collins. He pays for the drink with a $20 bill. The bartender starts to make change and thinks; "What does a kangaroo know about money?" So he gives him back five $1 bills. The kangaroo puts the money away and drinks his drink without comment.

He starts to make conversation with the kangaroo. "Y'know, we don't get many kangaroos here." To which the kangaroo replies; "At $15 a drink, you're not going to get this one anymore either!"
"All the world's a stage, but the play is badly cast!" - Oscar Wilde
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Profile of Jordini
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

(To the ladies of the Café, I apologize...)
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