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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » Chicken jokes (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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trickychris
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England
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Looking for chicken jokes - no fowl ones please.
Patrick Differ
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Why'd the punk rocker cross the road? He was safety-pinned to a chicken.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
The Donster
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No Fowl Ones and No Bad Yolks Huh.
Phil Thomas
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In the Old Testament in the bible you will find the first chicken joke. I know. No fowl ones, but I can't help it.

"In the beginning, the Lord spake unto the chicken and said "Yea, I command thee to cross the road. The chicken did cross, and there was much rejoicing".
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
Southwest Sam
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Indiana
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Why'd the Rubber Chicken cross the road???
He wanted to STRETCH his legs

Why'd the bubblegum cross the road???
'Cause it was stuck to the chicken's foot

Happy Halloween!
-SWS
Now performing as...
-Suitcase Sam
& his Ukulele
Music ~ Comedy ~ Magic
www.facebook.com/SuitcaseSam
Phil Thomas
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Newark, Ohio
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
He was being chased by Colonel Sanders!
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
PaulGinsberg
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New York
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That's like "why did the monkey fall out of the tree?" Cause he was dead....

"Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?" Cause he was pinned to the first monkey. Smile

(Sorry about that!) Smile
Slim King
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Eternal Order
Orlando
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My vote is with Southwest Sam! Nice site too....Stretch his legs..LOL
THE MAN THE SKEPTICS REFUSE TO TEST FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS.. The Worlds Foremost Authority on Houdini's Life after Death.....
WhiteAngel
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West Virginia, USA
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How about something like:

Pretend you're mad at the chicken, and say "I should've scrambled him when I had the chance!"
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
Ollie1235
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England
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
because it saw the zebra crossing

ollie
Joe
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Sunny UK
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Like it Whiteangel I will use that line after I pull my Rubber Chicken from wizards hat instead of wizards wand. I also ask who thinks it looks like a chicken? (hands go up) I then pick up a magician's cloak and hang it on the chicken and ask who thinks it looks like a Capon (cape on) this is really for any adults listening or older (clever) kids.
Joe
joseph
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Did you know that Chicken Teriyaki is the oldest living Kamikazi pilot?....and that a haunted chicken is a poultry-geist?....and if you are gonna play chicken, you should drive a coupe?....
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
Daniel Faith
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Neenah, Wisconsin
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Try these guys:

"I just had a funny thought. A chicken is the only animal you can eat before it's born and after it's dead."
About rubber chicken: "This is illegal." (Ill eagle.)
Show rubber chicken: "This is Big Bird's cousin, Dirty Bird."
To rubber chicken: "Get dressed."
After rubber bird falls on stage: "Watch out for a bird dropping."
"And now, here's the production of the Chinese Snow Duck." (Produce rubber chicken.) "That's no duck (snowduck)."
"Chickens play in bands because they have their own drumsticks."
"I used to be a chicken plucker. The pay was low, but I've met a lot of groovy chicks."
Have feathers hidden in hand. "I've got a tickle in my throat...Cough...Cough..." (Feathers fly) "Look at the rubber chicken." (Sight gag)

Magic Words: Chapped Chicken Lips

Q: What do you call the chicken that crossed the road?
A: Poultry in motion!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the information superhighway?
A: To get to the other site!

Q: How can you be sure the eggs you buy don't have baby chickens in them?
A: Buy duck eggs.

Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A: A brick layer!

Q: What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?
A: Deviled eggs.

Q: What's a chicken's favourite cake?
A: A layer cake.

Q: What do you call a chicken who crosses the road, rolls in the mud and crosses back?
A: A dirty double crosser.

Q: What do you call a dance that a chicken goes to?
A: A Foul Ball.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court to talk with the ref?
A: Because he was calling all fowls.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
A: He heard they were shooting fouls.

Q: Why did the chicken go to the middle of the road?
A: To lay it on the line.

Q: Why did the chicken cross half the road? A: Because she wanted to lay it on the line.

Q: Why did the chicken sit on the ax?
A: Because he wanted a hatchet.

Q: Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the Birds' Eye Factory.

Q: Why did the porcupine cross the road?
A: He was stuck to the chicken.

Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road? A: He was stapled to a chicken.

Q: Why is a chicken on a fence like a coin? A: Heads on one, side tails on the other.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the chicken? A: It's foul.

Q: Why does the Easter bunny hide his eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's having an affair with a chicken.
Daniel Faith
ed rhodes
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Rhode Island
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Daniel, I'm stuck with the image of Rip Taylor telling these jokes (all of them, one right after another) getting about half-way through and shouting: "You people are going to go home and think about these and LAUGH!" Smile


I'm probably the only person on the board waiting for Jo-Anne Worley to pop up and say, "Is that another chicken joke?" Smile
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
Southwest Sam
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Indiana
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Quote:
On 2004-10-31 21:04, Slim King wrote:
My vote is with Southwest Sam! Nice site too....Stretch his legs..LOL

Thanks Slim,

That joke goes a LONG way. Ah! Ah! Ah!
Now performing as...
-Suitcase Sam
& his Ukulele
Music ~ Comedy ~ Magic
www.facebook.com/SuitcaseSam
Phil Thomas
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Newark, Ohio
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Produce a couple of rubber chickens from a flash pan.

"Wow! Look at those hot chicks!"

Phil
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."

Albert Einstein
Oddboggle
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Produce your rubber chicken, then say: "Before he joined the act he worked at John Hopkins teaching the new doctors how to write."

OddB
magicgeorge
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Belfast
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What do you call a chicken in a shell-suit?


An egg.
BIlly James
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Quote:
On 2004-10-31 20:29, PaulGinsberg wrote:
That's like "why did the monkey fall out of the tree?" Cause he was dead....

"Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?" Cause he was pinned to the first monkey. Smile


While we're departing slightly from the chicken theme -

What's green and has 4 legs and if it falls out of a tree onto you, it will kill you?

A billiard table.

...ahem....OK I'm going now.....
k
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Marseille
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What is a chicken on a branch? One less on earth
What is two chickens on a branch? One more on the branch...
What is three chickens on a branch? Branch breaks....


I'll try to make this one short (normally, as with every joke, ya have to make it "live.")
One day, a chicken was in the jungle when he heard an elephant screaming (barri or barète in French). The pachyderm was stuck in a hole and couldn't get out! (Discussion between elephant and chick: "please help," etc.) But the chick was too small.... So the chick went away only to return with a brand new Porsche!!!
Back in the truck, the chick took a long rope, threw an end in the hole and attached the other one to the car. The chick pulled the elephant out of it! (Thanks, IOU and blablabla).
One other day, the elephant could hear the chick was stuck in a hole (you helped me, I help you...). So the elephant tried with his trumk, too short. He then tried with his tail. The chick attached to it and was pulled out easily!

The moral of this little story being: if you have a long tail, you don't need a Porsche to pull out chicks. ;oD
I'm just a blind Con that lost his I...
remember, Magic's everywhere... ("Your are the magic !" - Albert Goshman)

"Voici mon secret. Il est très simple. On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux" St-Exupéry
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